Escape Room: Tournament of Champions (2021)

Streaming Service: STARZ

Movie Name/Year: Escape Room: Tournament of Champions (2021)

Genre: Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi, Mystery, Thriller, Horror

Length:  1h 28min

Rating: PG-13

Production/Distribution: Columbia Pictures, Original Film, Shaken Not Stirred, Sony Pictures Entertainment, Sony Pictures Releasing International, United International Pictures, Universal Pictures International

Director: Adam Robitel

Writers: Will Honley, Maria Melnik, Daniel Tuch, Oren Uziel, Christine Lavaf, Fritz Böhm, Bragi F. Schut

Actors: Amali Golden, Anton David Jeftha, Avianah Abrahams, Carlito Olivero, Corin Silva, Deborah Ann Woll, Evan Hengst, Holland Roden, Indya Moore, Isabelle Fuhrman, James Frain, Jamie-Lee Money, Jay Erving, Jaymes Butler, Logan Miller, Matt Esof, Scott Coker, Tanya van Graan, Taylor Russell, Thomas Cocquerel, Wayne Harrison

 

IMDb Blurb: Six people unwillingly find themselves locked in another series of escape rooms, slowly uncovering what they have in common to survive. Joining forces with two of the original survivors, they soon discover they've all played the game before.

 

 

Cat’s Point of View:

I had really enjoyed Escape Room (2019) and was quite curious what a sequel with returning characters would look like - so much so that I had Escape Room: Tournament of Champions within the Top 10 in my Top 20 Movies to Look Out For In July (2021) article. 

The concept of an escape room is fun and fascinating. I love puzzles that pull from wit and observation in an immersive setting. The illusion of entrapment gives an aspect of thrills to the scenario. In a real-world situation, as appears in these movies, I don’t think I’d fare so well. The idea is actually pretty terrifying. 

 

Escape Room: Tournament of Champions took the Escape Room concept to an entirely new level. If you thought that the first movie’s room traps were elaborate, buckle up because they dialed it up for the sequel. 

That was really the only thing that Escape Room: Tournament of Champions had going for it. The sets and puzzles they came up with were both horrifying and well-executed. The story, however, was a bit lacking. Sure, it was sufficiently convoluted as the shadow organization of Minos strung its “contestants” along through its deadly game. It was an enjoyable enough watch, but there wasn’t as much substance to it as the first movie, and thus succumbed to the dreaded sequelitis. 

 

This actually wasn’t my first viewing of the Escape Room sequel. Given my level of excitement when it was first released, I watched it as a digital rental some time ago. In the interim, I forgot entirely. I spent a good chunk of this fresh viewing feeling a distinct sense of deja vu before I realized it. 

I’ve read that there is another version of Escape Room: Tournament of Champions where the beginning and end are a bit different, featuring additional characters, and giving a little more insight into what was going on. I honestly wish I’d watched that version, instead. The version that I streamed was the theatrical release. 

While Escape Room: Tournament of Champions was slightly underwhelming, it did deliver with the visuals and the deadly traps. It was an entertaining experience, even on a second viewing, but ultimately I’ll probably forget it again. 

 

 

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 51%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 75%

Metascore – 48%

Metacritic User Score – 5.1/10

IMDB Score – 5.7/10

 

Trust the Dice: Cat’s Rating – 3/5

 

Movie Trailer:

Brahms: The Boy II (2020) - In Theaters Now

Movie Name/Year: Brahms: The Boy II (2020)

Genre: Drama, Horror, Mystery

Length: 86 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Production/Distribution: Huayi Brothers, Lakeshore Entertainment, STX Entertainment, GEM Entertainment, Capelight Pictures, Diamond Films, Golden Village Pictures, Metropolitan Filmexport, Odeon, Polyfilm Verleih, Sabay MVP, The Searchers, Viva International Pictures, Ascot Elite Entertainment Group, Cinemundo

Director: William Brent Bell

Writer: Stacey Menear

Actors: Katie Holmes, Owain Yeoman, Christopher Convery, Ralph Ineson, Anjali Jay, Oliver Rice, Natalie Moon, Daphne Hoskins, Joely Collins, Ellie King, Joanne Kimm, Keoni Rebeiro, Charles Jarman

Blurb from IMDb: After a family moves into the Heelshire Mansion, their young son soon makes friends with a life-like doll called Brahms.

Selina’s Point of View:

I think the first film: The Boy (2016), was decent. It wasn’t my favorite thing in the world, and I didn’t love all of it… but it was ok. I wasn’t exactly cursing the time I spent watching it. In fact, I rather enjoyed the ending – despite that seeming to be an unpopular opinion.

When I saw the trailer for this sequel, I had some issues. The original film didn’t really leave too much open for the supernatural twist that Brahms: The Boy II seemed like it would be exploring. I had questions. Most of it based around continuity issues – which is not the kind of questions you want a sequel trailer to evoke.

I went into the theater skeptical.

Now, Brahms: The Boy II is getting some shit reviews – and I get it. There’s a lot of cookie cutter bullshit involved. The creators seemed to try to hard to utilize the jump scare. This film didn’t need it. In the trailer alone, you see Katie Holmes’ (Coda, Logan Lucky, Dear Dictator) character essentially jump scare the audience herself for no reason. There’s a lot in the actual film that follows that line of crap.

The problem is, by the time I finished watching it, I saw a lot of untapped potential in this movie. It did something you really want to see in a sequel. It filled in plot holes and expanded upon the world of the first film. It gave us a more in depth look at what was really going on in The Boy. I loved that aspect of this. It made me want to go back and watch the first film. When I gave in and actually DID go back to watch it, the expanded ideas from the second movie really made the first one better.

I don’t know why the creators decided to try and make Brahms: The Boy II into a movie that could stand on its own. As a simply expansion onto the first, it was great. It was the stuff they tried to pack in to make it a stand-alone that didn’t work. What they wound up with was a mess of shit stuffed into what could have been an epilogue film for The Boy. It was unnecessary.

I wish I could give this movie a better review. If a few things had been changed, this could have been something outstanding. Unfortunately, it just wound up being a bit of a waste.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 10%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 42%

Metascore – 29/100

Metacritic User Score – 5.4/10

IMDB Score – 4.3/10

CinemaScore – C-

Trust the Dice: Selina’s Rating – 2.5/5

Movie Trailer:

Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero (2014)

Number Rolled: 89

Movie Name/Year: Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero (2014)

Genre: Horror

Length: 94 minutes

Rating: NR

Production Companies: Film002, Indomina Group, Indomina Productions

Executive Producer: Jasbinder Singh Mann, Stacey Jade Smart, Francisco Adolfo Valdez

Director: Kaare Andrews

Writer: Jake Wade Wall

Actors: Sean Astin, Currie Graham, Ryan Donowho, Brando Eaton, Jillian Murray, Mitch Ryan, Solly Duran, Lydia Hearst, Claudette Lali

Porter is being held in quarantine as the only member of his infected group that is showing no signs of the terrible flesh-eating virus that’s spreading. Meanwhile, a group of friends get together to celebrate a bachelor party. They boat out to an island that is supposed to be paradise, but things seem a little off.

I have to be honest. I haven’t seen the second movie. Mainly because I thought this was the second movie. It’s not. It’s supposed to be the third movie. I don’t think it matters, though. Cabin Fever: Patient Zero could easily stand alone.

Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean it’s a good movie. It just means you don’t need any previous information.

Sean Astin (Special Agent Oso, Stay Cool, Lord of the Rings) played his role perfectly. Unfortunately, one good role in a movie full of crap doesn’t really help. If anything, having one amazing actor in a great role serves only to highlight the crap that is the rest of the film.

Every jump-scare I thought would happen, did. Every character had their precise stereotype. That’s fine for a movie making fun of the tropes, not for one using them as a checklist.

Furthermore, I have to mention that although I love extra scenes during, or after, the credits, they need to be optional. Not everyone will sit by and watch it all. For this film, you have to watch the credits because the scenes that play during them are absolutely mandatory to the story. I greatly dislike that.

It’s a shame that I didn’t like this movie. It’s been a long time since I saw the original Cabin Fever, but I remember enjoying it. Not even just because of Rider Strong (Boy Meets World, Fragged, Kim Possible) being a part of it.

Some movies just don’t need two sequels.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 25%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 14%

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 1.6/5

Trust-the-Dice Score – 1/5

The Random Rating: R

P.S. They are remaking the first Cabin Fever in 2015. Rumor has it, they intend to use the exact same script as the first one. Lazy. Lazy.

Movie Trailer:

The Sandlot 2 (2005)

Number Rolled: 97

Movie Name/Year: The Sandlot 2 (2005)

Genre: Comedy

Length: 97 minutes

Rating: PG

Production Companies: 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment, David Evans Pictures

Producer: David Bixler, Vicki Sotheran

Director: David M. Evans

Writer: David M. Evans, Robert Gunter

Actors: Max Lloyd-Jones, James Willson, Samantha Burton, Brett Kelly, Cole Evan Weiss, Neilen Benvegnu, Sean Berdy, Jessica King, McKenzie Freemantle, Griffin Reilly Evans, Reece Thompson, Teryl Rothery, Greg Germann, James Earl Jones, David M. Evans

Ten years after the events in the first movie, a group of different kids are starting to see the sandlot as their home. Unfortunately, that home has been invaded by girls playing softball.

Look, I can’t actually call this film plagiarism because it has the same writers as the first one. That being said, this is the laziest, most bull-shit attempt at a sequel I have ever seen in my life. I am super disappointed in everyone that was involved, and that includes James Earl Jones (Star Wars, Merlin, Finder’s Fee).

They decided to remake the film and label it a sequel. The creators referenced the first movie very specifically, but then failed to change the majority of the script. The ending and the components were the same. Even the way the characters did things was the same. It was completely regurgitated except that girls were added to the mix.

I’ve scored this film a flat 0; something that has only happened one other time in the history of this blog. I contemplated giving it an even lower score.

I don’t care how the actors did. What I care about is that the prick who wrote this took one of my favorite childhood movies, The Sandlot (1993), remade it into a sequel and didn’t bother to add a single note of creativity or originality into it. The first movie deserved better and I think David Evans needs to find a brand new day job with brand new projects to ruin.

Don’t waste your time on the sequel.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 40%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 42%

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 2.6/5

Trust-the-Dice Score – 0/5

P.S. They made a third one. I’m going to pretend it doesn’t exist.

Movie Trailer: [ They didn't even bother making an original trailer for the sequel. A third of it is from the first movie. ]

Battle Royale II (2003)

Number Rolled: 80

Movie Name/Year: Battle Royale II (2003)

Genre: Action

Length: 133 minutes

Rating: NR

Production Companies: Fukasaku-gumi, GAGA, Nippon Shuppan Hanbai (Nippan) K.K., Sega Corporation, TV Asahi, Toei Company, Tokyo FM Broadcasting Co., WoWow

Producers: Kenta Fukasaku, Kimio Kataoka, Hikaru Kawase, Masumi Okada

Director: Kenta Fukasaku, Kinji Fukasaku

Writer: Kenta Fukasaku, Norio Kida, Koushun Takami

Actors: Tatsuya Fujiwara, Ai Maeda, Shugo Oshinari, Ayana Sakai, Haruka Suenaga, Yuma Ishigaki, Miyuki Kanbe, Masaya Kikawada, Yoko Maki, Yuki Ito, Natsuki Kato, Aki Maeda, Riki Takeuchi, Takeshi Kitano, Masahiko Tsugawa

Shuya Nanahara may have escaped the games, but it certainly wasn’t unscathed. As a result, his anger has led him to start a war between the children and the adults. He’s a known terrorist now, responsible for explosive crimes. Meanwhile, Shiori Kitano believes she knows who Shuya really is. Her anger leads her to step in to the second Battle Royale in order to take him down.

Battle Royale II is a little older than the majority of the movies I work with, but I had to add it to the list anyway. The first movie in the series amazed me and that led me to voluntarily break my “rules.” Unfortunately, it wasn’t really worth it.

The plot seemed like it had a lot of potential, in theory. In practice, I was pretty surprised.

Although the movie started out basically the same and had a similar amount of gore, that was really all it had to do with the first movie.

The plot was jumpy, difficult to see as a cohesive story. On top of that, the main character kept changing between Shuya, Shiori and Takuma, not fluidly either. That made it extremely difficult to muster up any emotion for any of the characters at all. In fact, since all the characters reacted the exact same way to every stimulus, they were all kind of interchangeable.

Add to that the ridiculous acting of the main villain and it’s almost difficult to watch. The only reason the score wasn’t lower is because there were a few scenes that spoke to me.

Battle Royale II needed to be about an hour shorter with a lot more substance.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 30%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 29%

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 3.8/5

Trust-the-Dice Score – 1.5/5

The Random Rating: R

Movie Trailer:

Honey 2 (2011)

Number Rolled: 54

Movie Name/Year: Honey 2 (2011)

Genre: Romance

Length: 110 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Production Companies: Reel Deal Entertainment, Universal Pictures, Marc Platt Productions, MFV Productions

Executive Producer: Marc Platt

Director: Bille Woodruff

Writer: Alyson Fouse, Blayne Weaver

Actors: Kat Graham, Randy Wayne, Seychelle Gabriel, Lonette McKee, Melissa Molinaro, Gerry Bednob, Laurieann Gibson, Alexis Jordan, Mario Lopez, Christopher Martinez, Rosero McCoy, Tyler Nelson, Audrina Patridge, Brittany Perry-Russell, Casper Smart, Richard Steelo Vasquez

Maria is serving time in a juvenile detention center after getting involved with the wrong crowd. When she’s released, Honey Daniels’ mom agrees to take her in as a foster child. There are only two rules: she needs to be in by 9 and stay away from her old crew. Dance is her life though, and when her old dance crew comes sniffing around, it’s hard to say no.

I’ll admit that I enjoy the original Honey. It’s not one of my favorite movies; it’s more like a guilty pleasure. Jessica Alba (Sin City, Dark Angel, Machete) slightly overacts and Joy Bryant (Parenthood, Hit and Run, The Skeleton Key) hilariously overacts, but Mekhi Phifer (House of Lies, Divergent, Torchwood) is an acting messiah amongst the exaggerations and the dance moves are hot. In fact, the storyline isn’t so bad either and the celebrity cameos are attention grabbing.

The sequel, Honey 2, doesn’t really stand up to the original.

Kat Graham (The Vampire Diaries, Addicted, 17 Again) reminded me of Hayden Panettiere (Nashville, The Forger, Heroes), specifically from her part in Bring it On: All or Nothing, which is not necessarily a good thing. I was also confused with Laurieann Gibson’s (In Living Color, Beyond the Lights, Malcolm X) part as Katrina. In the first Honey, Katrina hated Honey Daniels, in the sequel she seems to love her. It doesn’t make any sense at all. On the other hand, Randy Wayne (YouTube: the Musical, The Lying Game, Lairs All) and Christopher Martinez (Clerks II, 500 Days of Summer, Bring it On: Fight to the Finish) played their parts very well, which almost made up for it.

The storyline was kind of weak, the dancing wasn’t nearly as impressive and the accents made me roll my eyes.

Despite the issues, the movie was only terrible in contrast to the original. In reality, it was mostly average.

One more thing; I have a quick note for movie and television directors of all shapes and sizes: I was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. We don’t all talk like that. There are plenty of other stereotypes to focus on, stop being lazy.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 10%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 53%

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 1.6/5

Trust-the-Dice Score – 2/5

P.S. There are bloopers and extra scenes during the credits.

Movie Trailer: The trailer is very misleading.

S.W.A.T.: Fire Fight (2011)

Number Rolled: 98

Movie Name/Year: S.W.A.T.: Fire Fight (2011)

Genre: Action & Adventure

Length: 88 minutes

Rating: R

Affiliated Companies: Stage 6 Films, RCR Media Group, Original Film

Executive Producer: Rui Costa Reis, Eliad Josephson, Scott Putman

Director: Benny Boom

Writer: Reed Steiner, Randy Walker, Michael Albanese, Ed Arneson

Actors: Gabriel Macht, Robert Patrick, Carly Pope, Giancarlo Esposito, Kristanna Loken, Matt Bushell, Nicholas Gonzalez, Micah Hauptman, Shannon Kane, Gino Anthony Pesi, Kevin Phillips, Dennis North, Brad Bukauskas, Iris Frank, Tim Holmes, Ricky Wayne, Ele Bardha

Paul is a member of the Los Angeles S.W.A.T. team. In 10 years of service he’s never lost a hostage. When someone needs to be sent to Detroit for hostage-rescue training, there’s no one better for the job. Upon arriving in Detroit, Paul needs to prove himself to the team and gain their respect as he trains them to the best of his ability.

This sequel had the same issues the original S.W.A.T. movie had, and then some. Just like the first, the storyline was somewhat on the dumb and unbelievable side. With that being the only problem, it could have been redeemable. Unfortunately, it wasn’t.

Also like the first movie, S.W.A.T.: Fire Fight felt like it was patched together out of several television episodes instead of a single story. I get that the movies were based off a 1975 series, but that’s no excuse. There are plenty of movies based on TV shows that feel like actual movies, such as: Serenity, The A-Team, Charlie’s Angels, and so many others.

The end result of setting the movie up like a TV show instead of what it is? A mish-mash of bullshit.

S.W.A.T. at least had some seriously awesome acting. Where Gabriel Macht (Suits, The Recruit, The Spirit) and Robert Patrick (True Blood, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, Walk the Line) were pretty damn good in the sequel, it wasn’t enough to overshadow the rest of the crap-cast.

It comes down to one single thought: there are some sequels that are just plain unnecessary.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – None

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 35%

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 3/5

Trust-the-Dice Score – 2/5

Movie Trailer: 

Center Stage: Turn It Up (2008)

Number Rolled: 83

Movie Name/Year: Center Stage: Turn It Up (2008)

Genre: Drama

Length: 94 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Affiliated Companies: Stage 6 Films, Laurence Mark Productions

Director: Steven Jacobson

Writer: Carol Heikkinen, Karen Block Morse

Actors: Kenny Wormald, Rachele Brooke Smith, Sarah Jayne Jensen, Nicole Munoz, Christopher Russell, Peter Gallagher, Ethan Stiefel, Christian Vincent, Daniela Dib, Crystal Lowe, Lucia Walters, Cody Green, Jacqueline Ann Stuart, Keith Martin Gordey, Anthony Harrison

Kate is a home-trained dancer trying to get into the American Ballet Academy. When she’s rejected, she has to start on a back-up plan. However, she’s in a new city with nothing to help her. Only meeting Tommy helps her find her way out of her funk.

The original Center Stage is one of my favorite movies. It’s creative, the dance is spectacular, the music is great and the script is incredibly entertaining. The sequel, however, is one of the worst kinds of movies out there.

What makes Center Stage so great is that it’s original. There are a few general under-dog stereotypes but, for the most part, the originality of the movie overwhelms the rest. Center Stage: Turn It Up is almost the exact opposite. It banks only on stereotypes with little to nothing original in it. I have no issue with recipe movies, but this one is clunky. It’s ingredient after ingredient with nothing of value holding it all together. The acting and dance is crap compared to its predecessor as well.

I wouldn’t sit through this movie again if someone paid me.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 60%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 58%

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 2.4/5

Trust-the-Dice Score – 1/5

P.S. There are dance scenes during the beginning of the end credits.

Movie Trailer: 

Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation (2004)

Number Rolled: 6

Movie Name/Year: Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation (2004)

Genre: Sci-fi & Fantasy

Length: 91 minutes

Rating: R

Director: Phil Tippett

Writer: Edward Neumeier

Actors: Billy Brown, Richard Burgi, Kelly Carlson, Cy Carter, Sandrine Holt, Ed Lauter, J.P. Manoux, Lawrence Monoson, Colleen Porch, Drew Powell, Ed Quinn, Jason-Shane Scott, Brenda Strong, Brian Tee

For those of you unfamiliar with the Starship Troopers storyline, it is based around an intergalactic war featuring humans vs. super alien bugs. The second movie, however, has very little to do with the first and third of the series. It follows a group of troopers as they seek shelter after being overrun. They find a survivor in the building they use to bunker down and things begin to go a little haywire.

I mentioned in an earlier review for “Starship Troopers 3: Marauders,” that I’d heard this movie was supposed to be one long soft-core porn. I don’t agree. Yes, there was a large amount of nudity in it and a whole bunch of people kissing, but there really wasn’t any sex. In fact, there was very little implied sex for that matter. I’ve seen more sex scenes in mainstream rom-com’s. It was terrible, but it wasn’t the porn that people seem to think it was.

When it comes to sequels, I don’t really expect “good.” I know that’s a strange thing to say but hear me out. The purpose of a sequel is to further the storyline and enhance what has already been established. If I were to give an example of what I consider a good sequel, it would be “My Girl 2.” Critics weren’t overly fond of it and I can absolutely understand why. It was overly sappy and kind of failed as a stand-alone film. However, as a sequel, “My Girl 2” added greater depth to the main character and her oft-mentioned mother. It didn’t create its own story, rather it elevated the original so that the nuances could be understood at a greater level. The best sequels, in my opinion, don’t have to stand alone; they only need to enrich the existing storyline.

Where the Starship Troopers series is concerned, I wish I’d never seen the second or third sequels. They not only did nothing to elevate or enrich the story of the first one, but cheapened it to such a degree that I can’t even watch the first one anymore without rolling my eyes a little. It angers me, because the original was once one of my favorite movies.

I’m hoping to leave the trauma of the sequels behind me sometime in the future.

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 2.3/5

Overall Opinion – 1/5

Movie Trailer:

High School Musical 2 (2007)

Number Rolled: 6

Movie Name/Year: High School Musical 2 (2007)

Genre: Children & Family

Length: 105 minutes

Rating: G

Director: Kenny Ortega

Writer: Peter Barsocchini

Actors: Zac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Tisdale, Lucas Grabeel, Corbin Bleu, Monique Coleman, Bart Johnson, Alyson Reed, Chris Warren Jr., Jessica Tuck, Robert Curtis Brown, Mark L. Taylor, Ryne Sanbrn, Olesya Rulin, KayCee Stroh, Tanya Chisholm, Miley Cyrus

School’s out and summer is just beginning for the Wildcats. Troy and Gabriella plan to spend the entire season working together at a country club, making money and going on dates. Sharpay, one of their classmates, has different plans for them. As they begin to start trying to enjoy their summer, she begins plotting to pull Troy away from his friends in order to steal him for herself.

I saw the good in the original “High School Musical.” I wasn’t as fond of it as a lot of people, but I got the message and I understood how people could easily like it.

The sequel is another story altogether. They kept the mediocre script but dropped the quality of the musical numbers and although they tried to keep a moral for the story, it just plain fell flat. Not only did it fall flat, but this movie completely nullified the lesson of the last movie. It was as if the first one didn’t exist. Suddenly Troy doesn’t want to be himself again and denies wanting to sing? What exactly was the point of sitting through the original “High School Musical” then?

The only difference between the two movies that I found to be an improvement was the acting of Lucas Grabeel. Maybe he took some acting classes between one and two, but I found him a lot more believable this time around. Everyone else seemed to drop in quality.

I can imagine it would be fun for kids, but I still feel like the way they made the first one obsolete caused this one to lose any meaning it might have had.

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 3.2/5

Overall Opinion – 2/5

P.S. There are bloopers during the credit roll that are pretty good.

Movie Trailer:

Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World (1998)

Number Rolled: 90

Movie Name/Year: Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World (1998)

Genre: Children & Family

Length: 73 minutes

Rating: G

Director: Tom Ellery, Bradley Raymond

Writer: Allen Estrin, Cindy Marcus, Flip Kobler, Carl Binder, Mike Gabriel, Susannah Grant, Philip LaZabnik

Actors: Irene Bedard, Jim Cummings, Donal Gibson, Linda Hunt, Russell Means, David Ogden Stiers, Jean Stapleton, Billy Zane, Tim Weske, John Kassir, Colin McCabe, Michelle St. John, Frank Welker

Pocahontas is trying to get by after hearing rumors of John Smith’s death. Along the way she learns that England is planning to launch an attack against her people. When the opportunity arises to sail to London and speak directly to the king, Pocahontas boards a ship with her escort, John Rolfe, and heads to the land of the white man.

Before I begin, let me say that I am not going to judge this movie on historical accuracy. I think the people who do are ridiculous. It’s a child’s movie. It’s not meant to be accurate, it’s meant to be entertaining and to share a lesson with children. I’ve never met a single six year old who’s snubbed a movie because of historical inaccuracy. Besides, if you judge it by that, you might as well look for scientific accuracy as well, otherwise, just suspend disbelief and move on.

Despite my defending the “accuracy” issues of “Pocahontas II,” I have to admit the movie was almost unbearable. Where the first “Pocahontas” became one of Disney’s classics, exhibiting amazing music and moral undertone; “Pocahontas II” was very near the opposite, it kept the moral tone but exhibited complete mediocrity in everything else. The songs were lifeless; the script seemed forced and lacking creativity. There’s no doubt as to why this movie went straight to video.

The shining point of the entire movie was the animals, which were focused on a bit more than in the original. It’s those animals that would keep any child occupied while watching, but it leaves very little for their parents to become enthralled with. It’s cute, but not nearly enough.

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 2.9/5

Overall Opinion – 2/5

Movie Trailer: 

Starship Troopers 3: Marauder (2008)

Number Rolled: 29

Movie Name/Year: Starship Troopers 3: Marauder (2008)

Genre: Sci-Fi & Fantasy

Length: 104 minutes

Rating: R

Director: Edward Neumeier

Writer: Edward Neumeier

Actors: Casper Van Dien, Jolene Blalock, Stephen Hogan, Boris Kodjoe, Amanda Donohoe, Marnette Patterson, Danny Keogh, Stelio Savante, Cecile Breccia, Garth Breytenbach

Starship Troopers, the first one (made in 1997), is one of my favorite campy movies. The graphics aren’t great and the acting is a little B-movie, but the storyline is pretty damn good and so is the script. In fact, I like the first movie so much that I’ve been terrified to watch the two that followed (if there are more, I just plain don’t want to know about it). I’ve heard the second one is pretty much soft-core porn, but I haven’t seen it – so take that with a grain of salt. Doesn’t matter, Netflix currently only streams the third one.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Starship Troopers storyline, it is based around an intergalactic war of humans vs. super alien bugs. That makes it sound like a creature feature, but it really isn’t. The first and third movies in the series follow the life and career of the main character, Johnny Rico, played by Casper Van Dien. The first movie manages to catch a balance between the action, drama and even romance that occurs. In this movie, however, that is not the case.

I think I just sat through 104 minutes of the actors trying to play out a script that had mostly writer-vomit on it. It was forced. The first forty-five minutes or so, there was a lot of action, with no base or reason or storyline to it. This was followed by some very, VERY, forced romance and the entire movie ended with a trip to the church to hear some preaching. I don’t mind religion in a movie, but in this one it was seemingly from out of nowhere and completely forced; even though the religion didn’t come in until the last half hour, I also find myself thinking it was supposed to be the main object of the film. Also, though they attempted to make the graphics of the bugs better in this movie, I found the effort actually made it seem less realistic.

The one interesting part was the utter morbidity of the deaths. I found myself not caring about any of the characters. Instead I was just hoping for, and even looking forward to, their very gruesome deaths…. and the end of the movie. No joke, I checked how long I had left about nine times. It was brutal. Save yourself.

Overall Opinion – 1.5/5