Thursday, May 21, 2015

Slightly Single in L.A. (2012)

Number Rolled: 5
Movie Name/Year: Slightly Single in L.A. (2012)
Genre: Romance
Length: 88 minutes
Rating: NR
Production Companies: Hellos Productions, Most Films, Imprint Entertainment, Game Face Entertainment
Executive Producer: Jenae Altschwager, Jeff Bozz, Frederick Cipoletti, Shannon Makhanian, Andrew C. Mathews, Mark Morgan, Rodrigo Navarro, David Rusi, Jerry Senatore
Director: Christie Will
Writer: Christie Will
Actors: Lacey Chabert, Kip Pardue, Jenna Dewan Tatum, Carly Schroeder, Jonathan Bennett, Haylie Duff, Chris Kattan, Simon Rex, Charlie Bewley, Mircea Monroe, Alejandro Salomon, John Farley, Mercedes Mason, Jenae Altschwager, Trent Garrett, Joel Michaely

Dale is a sweet girl who just can’t catch a break with men. Everyone she dates seems to cheat on her. Finally, she gives up and decides she might as well move to L.A. where everyone is just as fake as everywhere else, only they don’t hide it.

Slightly Single in L.A. is utterly mind-numbing. At first, I thought my numb mind was the result of being sick and lacking sleep. So I went out with a friend, grabbed a delicious chicken wrap and some tea, then came home and took a nap before moving on to the writing portion of this blog.

Nothing changed.

The thought of this movie re-numbed my brain and it took three tries before I was able to describe it in the first paragraph without just writing “blah blah blah blah.”

As far as I could tell, Christie Will (Baby Bootcamp, Her Infidelity, Twisted Tales of my 9 to 5) was trying to write a more accessible version of Sex and the City. It wasn’t successful. What she managed to create was a step-by-step recipe that never deviated from the norm and featured the shallowest cast of characters. I couldn’t even tell you if the acting was decent because there was so little to the characters, it might as well have been a junior high school play with a bigger budget.

It had a few cute moments, but they were difficult to enjoy because they were surrounded by the rest of the film.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – None
Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 19%

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 1.3/5
Trust-the-Dice Score1/5

The Random Rating: PG-13

P.S. Very soon I will be adding a new contributor to the blog on a trial basis. If it works out, each movie will have two opinions. Stay tuned!

Movie Trailer: 

Monday, May 18, 2015

Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero (2014)

Number Rolled: 89
Movie Name/Year: Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero (2014)
Genre: Horror
Length: 94 minutes
Rating: NR
Production Companies: Film002, Indomina Group, Indomina Productions
Executive Producer: Jasbinder Singh Mann, Stacey Jade Smart, Francisco Adolfo Valdez
Director: Kaare Andrews
Writer: Jake Wade Wall
Actors: Sean Astin, Currie Graham, Ryan Donowho, Brando Eaton, Jillian Murray, Mitch Ryan, Solly Duran, Lydia Hearst, Claudette Lali

Porter is being held in quarantine as the only member of his infected group that is showing no signs of the terrible flesh-eating virus that’s spreading. Meanwhile, a group of friends get together to celebrate a bachelor party. They boat out to an island that is supposed to be paradise, but things seem a little off.

I have to be honest. I haven’t seen the second movie. Mainly because I thought this was the second movie. It’s not. It’s supposed to be the third movie. I don’t think it matters, though. Cabin Fever: Patient Zero could easily stand alone.

Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean it’s a good movie. It just means you don’t need any previous information.

Sean Astin (Special Agent Oso, Stay Cool, Lord of the Rings) played his role perfectly. Unfortunately, one good role in a movie full of crap doesn’t really help. If anything, having one amazing actor in a great role serves only to highlight the crap that is the rest of the film.

Every jump-scare I thought would happen, did. Every character had their precise stereotype. That’s fine for a movie making fun of the tropes, not for one using them as a checklist.

Furthermore, I have to mention that although I love extra scenes during, or after, the credits, they need to be optional. Not everyone will sit by and watch it all. For this film, you have to watch the credits because the scenes that play during them are absolutely mandatory to the story. I greatly dislike that.

It’s a shame that I didn’t like this movie. It’s been a long time since I saw the original Cabin Fever, but I remember enjoying it. Not even just because of Rider Strong (Boy Meets World, Fragged, Kim Possible) being a part of it.

Some movies just don’t need two sequels.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 25%
Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 14%

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 1.6/5
Trust-the-Dice Score1/5

The Random Rating: R

P.S. They are remaking the first Cabin Fever in 2015. Rumor has it, they intend to use the exact same script as the first one. Lazy. Lazy.

Movie Trailer: