Gypsy (1993)

Number Rolled: 3

Movie Name/Year: Gypsy (1993)

Genre: Music & Musical

Length: 142 minutes

Rating: NR

Director: Emile Ardolino

Writer: Arthur Laurents, Gypsy Rose Lee

Actors: Bette Midler, Peter Riegert, Cynthia Gibb, Edward Asner, Christine Ebersole, Michael Jeter, Andrea Martin, Linda Hart, Anna McNeely, Jennifer Rae Beck, Jeffrey Broadhurst, Tony Shalhoub, Rachel Sweet

I have adored this movie since I saw it when I was a kid. I used to sit around and watch it with my mother all the time. I found myself relating to Louise – except for the whole stripping thing. A lot of young girls might find themselves reflected in the always secondary Louise who perpetually plays second fiddle to a more talented sister. Add to that a family who has a very specific idea of where she should be in her life – regardless of what she wants. She is unheard and invisible.

The story is made more interesting by the fact that it is based on the true story of Gypsy Rose Lee and is in fact adapted from her memoirs – though it’s mostly from the viewpoint of her fame-blinded mother.

I couldn’t believe how much the music stuck with me. It’s been years since I’ve see it and I still remember every word of the songs. Bette Midler and Cynthia Gibb are out of this world in their roles. Definitely a movie I will eventually watch with my kids.

Overall Opinion – 5/5

I Love You, Don’t Touch Me (1998)

Number Rolled: 61

Movie Name/Year: I Love You, Don’t Touch Me (1998)

Genre: Independent Movie

Length: 86 minutes

Rating: R

Director: Julie Davis

Writer: Julie Davis

Actors: Marla Schaffel, Mitchell Whitfield, Michael Harris, Meredith Scott Lynn, Jack McGee, Darryl Theirse

Ugh. Just… ugh. It’s like…. I don’t even know… maybe Sex and the City if it were about corrupting the idea of sex and love. The main actress wasn’t bad at what she did, in fact, the majority of the actors weren’t bad with what they had to do. Still, a bad script with good actors doesn’t make things any better.

It starts off with a gratuitous and highly unnecessary sex scene which leads into characters who aren’t having “enough” sex. That leads into characters not having sex with the “right” people which leads into the same bullshit the majority of romantic comedies these days try to feed us. Worse than that, the main moral of the story is that humans shouldn’t have to control themselves and if you catch your spouse cheating on you – just suck it up and acknowledge that no one is ever faithful. Bullshit. My problems with the general idea of this movie are limitless.

I don’t know what else I could possibly say about it. It’s a ridiculous caricature of the way life actually is, without actually stirring up any emotions of romance or even comedy. If there was a genre named “Crap” I wouldn’t hesitate to assume this movie was a part of it.

Save yourself some time. Read the Netflix review and you’ll be able to figure out the ending long before you even start watching it. Not only that, but if it’s different, whatever you imagine will be better than what I just sat through anyway.

Overall Opinion – 1/5

Star Trek (2009)

Number Rolled: 42

Movie Name/Year: Star Trek (2009)

Genre: Sci-Fi & Fantasy

Length: 126 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Director: J.J. Abrams

Writer: Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman, and Gene Roddenberry

Actors: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Leonard Nimoy, Eric Bana, Bruce Greenwood, Karl Urban, Zoe Saldana, Simon Pegg, John Cho, Anton Yelchin, Winona Ryder

I was always a Captain Kirk girl. Well… less Captain Kirk and more Spock. I’m fairly certain I remember a younger Leonard Nimoy being my first crush. I own just about that entire first series on VHS (which I can’t watch because I don’t have a VCR anymore…).

Needless to say, as big as a fan as I was, when this movie came out I was nervous. There was sooo much they could have gotten wrong. So much the actors could have gotten wrong. So much the director and writers could have gotten wrong. This movie was a mine-field waiting to happen. Need I point out the modern 3 Star Wars films? If this movie had made one wrong step, it could have gone down the same road as Jar Jar Binx… nothing but a joke.

Thankfully, J. J. Abrams, along with the rest of the people who worked the movie, pulled it together. Of course, the fact that Leonard Nimoy himself would have ANYTHING to do with the film says just how right they got it. They didn’t attempt to stick to the story-line since that would have made it nearly impossible to remake and they would have had fan boys and girls throwing things at them in the street because they got a single stance or word wrong. They pushed the story, instead, to the limit by having it create the alternate time-line they were going for. The best part is that they didn’t force it or just decide to redo it themselves, they let the storyline start in the real world and find itself in the alternate. A good example of a movie that decided to change the story-line without even giving reason for the change is X-Men First Class (It was a good movie, but only if it’s the first of a whole new series – if it winds up standing alone, then I take back the compliment).

Chris Pine pulled off Captain James Tiberius Kirk amazingly. Playing beside Zachary Quinto who fit into Leonard Nimoy’s shoes and then add in Leonard Nimoy himself? Are you kidding me? Casting was SICK. I don’t often give props to a lot of the behind-the-scenes crowd, but I need to say that the casting directors April Webster and Alyssa Weisberg have some sort of magic between them. I’m actually going to make it a point to add any other films they’ve worked on to my queues right now because they OBVIOUSLY know their shit.

This movie couldn’t have been better. I can’t think of a single thing I would change. I hope they make more, I really do.

Overall Opinion – 5/5