Friday, September 27, 2013

2-Headed Shark Attack (2012)

Number Rolled: 22
Movie Name/Year: 2-Headed Shark Attack (2012)
Genre: Horror
Length: 87 minutes
Rating: NR
Director: Christopher Ray
Writer: Edward DeRuiter, H. Perry Horton
Actors: Carmen Electra, Charlie O’Connell, Brooke Hogan, Christina Bach, Gerald Webb, David Gallegos, Geoff Ward, Mercedes Young, Shannan Stewart, Tihirah Taliaferro, Michael Dicarluccio, Lauren Vera, Marckenson Charles, Ashley Bissing, Corinne Nobili, Benjamin James, Chase Conner, Anna Jackson, Amber English, Collin Carmouze, Casey King Leslie, Morgan Thompson, Anthony E. Valentin, Alexa Score, Tiffany Score, Joseph Velez, Curtis Belz

Professor Babish and his wife, Dr. Babish, have taken on teaching a semester of college on the water. Along the way, a large creature gets stuck on their boat and draws something even bigger. The 2-headed shark disables the professor’s ship and the class is forced to take refuge on a nearby atoll. However, things get stranger and stranger as the students begin to become aware of the creature stalking them.

From the director of Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus comes something even more ridiculous.

Now, where creature features are concerned, you need a little bit of ridiculous to get the point across. In “Vampire Bats,” by director Eric Bross, a real-life species (the vampire bat), is altered in such a way that their feeding habits change. In “Anaconda,” by director Luis Llosa, the real-life species (the anaconda) is utilized as if there were no limit to its growth. In “Jurassic Park,” by director Steven Spielberg, the (once) real-life species (the dinosaur) is brought back to life and introduced to a modern world. All of these movies require a certain amount of disbelief suspension because there is a certain amount of ridiculousness. However, in each of the movies listed the alterations made to the species utilized were minor and explainable in at least a semi-logical way. One could believe that scientists found a way to extra DNA from long dead mosquitoes or that a few snakes have a hormone imbalance that causes them to grow larger. In “2-headed Shark Attack” you’re required to acknowledge this two headed shark without any explanation of where it might have come from or why it’s unusually aggressive as a result. Even Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus attempted to satisfy the curiosity that comes with creature features; the big question “how did this happen?”

Even if the main creature used wasn’t completely off the chart of stupid, the acting was some of the worst I’ve ever seen. I mean, at the very least, these kinds of movies usually boast some of the best female horror-movie screams; this one, not so much. I understand being on a budget, but they probably could have at least found actresses who could do a decent scream.

There were a couple of parts that were bad enough you could laugh at them, but that was about it. It was enough to ensure that the movie wasn’t boring – just terrible.

Overall Opinion – 1/5

The Random Rating: R – for prolonged nudity and strong violence

Movie Trailer: 

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Puncture (2011)

Number Rolled: 2
Movie Name/Year: Puncture (2011)
Genre: Drama
Length: 99 minutes
Rating: R
Director: Adam Kassen, Mark Kassen
Writer: Paul Danziger, Chris Lopata, Ela Thier
Actors: Chris Evans, Mark Kassen, Marshall Bell, Brett Cullen, Jesse L. Martin, Vinessa Shaw, Rozanna Hope, Michael Biehn, Kate Burton, Erinn Allison, Tess Parker, Jack Lee, Jennifer Blanc, Matt Hill, Amelia Jeffries

Michael Weiss is not your average junkie. You won’t see him exhibiting some of the tell-tale signs of his drug use, nor will he adhere to the majority of stereotypes movies tend to lean toward. He’s a lawyer. Not a very dependable one, perhaps, but he is brilliant. After nurse, Vicky, is accidentally stabbed by a needle she used to sedate a patient in the emergency room, she contracts AIDS. As her health continues to fail, she goes to Mike and, his partner, Paul to take on her case. It’s not money she wants, though. As a reaction to her accident an engineer friend of hers came up with a genius invention called the “Safety Needle.” All Vicky wants is for hospitals to use this life-saving invention.

This movie is frightening mainly because it’s based on a true story. Most movies that work off real life in the way “Puncture” does, do so in order to strike an interest in the audience. The directors and the writers want the people watching their work to be curious enough to walk away at the end of the movie asking questions. This movie absolutely succeeded in doing that. To be honest, what I saw is going to occupy my thoughts for a while.

I did some research after the movie was over and it seems like they didn’t stray too far from what actually happened. The facts at the end of the movie were also relatively true; which is kind of infuriating.

My mother was an office manager of a doctor’s office for roughly thirty years. Never took a day off, until she started getting sick, rarely ever complained about it until the last few years. When I got to be around seventeen, I began to see that opportunities and pay for nurses were greater than office managers. She’d been in the medical field over twenty years at that point and she certainly knew enough to be a nurse, so I asked her why she chose to do the office work instead.

I don’t think I fully understood her answer until now.

My mom told me that she knew she could probably make more money, have more advancement opportunities, if she switched titles. In fact, she told me she’d actively decided not to switch over because it was more important for her to be alive and healthy than it was to have a few extra dollars in the house.

With the statistics noted in the movie (which I researched for validity), I understand now why she wanted to stay far away from needles.

On top of informative, this movie was enthralling. The actors were great at what they did and passionate enough that I was able to feel what they wanted me to. I’m glad I got to see this movie before it expires on Netflix (it’s set to on 9/30/13). I hope they renew the contract in order to get it back.

Overall Opinion – 4/5

Movie Trailer: 

Monday, September 23, 2013

Failure to Launch (2006)

Number Rolled: 98
Movie Name/Year: Failure to Launch (2006)
Genre: Comedy
Length: 96 minutes
Rating: PG-13
Director: Tom Dey
Writer: Tom J. Astle, Matt Ember
Actors: Matthew McConaughey, Sarah Jessica Parker, Zooey Deschanel, Justin Bartha, Bradley Cooper, Terry Bradshaw, Kathy Bates, Tyrel Jackson Williams, Katheryn Winnick, Rob Corddry, Patton Oswalt, Stephen Tobolowsky, Kate McGregor-Stewart, Adam Alexi-Malle, Gretchen Cleevely

Tripp is a thirty-five year old successful boat salesman with one minor issue, he still lives with his parents. After getting fed-up with the situation, his parents hire Paula (a motivator) to get him to move out. Paula makes a living getting men who live at home to fall for her so that she can raise their confidence level and convince them strike out on their own. Tripp’s case seems like one she should have no problem with.

This movie would likely be better, except it isn’t really applicable anymore. That’s saying something, since it only came out seven years ago. In this day and age, it’s becoming more and more appropriate for people not to move out of their parent’s house for a long time, if ever. Money is and jobs simply aren’t as stable as they used to be – so it’s became more acceptable to live with family. “Failure to Launch” bases its entire plot on the idea that everyone moves out in their early twenties and there is a high stigma placed on those who don’t. I live in New York and nearly everyone I know around my age is still living at home. Those who are out on their own only made it because they had help, either from funds their family put together or a second person living with them. That truth makes the plot of the movie seem almost absurd.

Social issues aside, the movie was predictable but fun. I might have liked it more, however, if another actress played Paula. Sarah Jessica Parker really just had one tone throughout the movie, and it was identical to her part in the “Sex and the City” franchise. If someone told me this was a “Sex and the City” prequel or alternate universe, I’d have believed it pretty easily.

I’m starting to reconsider my initial viewpoint on Matthew McConaughey. I didn’t like him for a really long time, but I think I’m starting to get his acting style. Even in a basic movie like this, he wound up shining for me. Since Bradley Cooper didn’t completely steal focus from him, I’d say he’s better than I once thought.

The movie is not applicable anymore, but it wasn’t a complete waste of time.

Overall Opinion – 2.5/5

P.S. There are some amusing scenes during the credits that are better than the rest of the movie.

Movie Trailer: