Kiss of the Damned (2012)

Number Rolled: 65

Movie Name/Year: Kiss of the Damned (2012)

Genre: Thriller

Length: 95 minutes

Rating: R

Director: Xan Cassavetes

Writer: Xan Cassavetes

Actors: Josephine de La Baume, Milo Ventimiglia, Roxane Mesquida, Anna Mouglalis, Michael Rapaport, Riley Keough, Ching Valdes-Aran

Djuna is a vampire doing her best to sustain herself away from the human community. When that is threatened by romantic advances from the handsome human screenwriter, Paolo, she does her best to push away their shared passion. He is persistent, though, and soon she is forced to make a choice.

I looked forward to seeing this film. A vampire film that doesn’t make the species sparkle and also gives me eye candy in the form of Milo Ventimiglia? Hell yeah. What I wound up seeing was an hour and a half of artistic porn. If there were any substance to the film what-so-ever, it wouldn’t be a big deal, but there wasn’t.

It was completely anti-climactic. Most of the actors were wooden in their performances as well. Scenes that should have shown fear or passion left me staring at neutral faces with no idea of how to show anything. The constant music played over the movie made it seem snooty and pretentious. There was one scene that caught my attention; the vampires discussed the philosophy of their community versus those of the human community. It was too short, though, and made me wish the actors in that scene were in more of the movie.

In short, there was no truth to anything in this film. Sure, vampires aren’t real, but that’s not what I mean by “truth.” A movie needs to make you believe the story in the context it’s being told. Kiss of the Damned falls FAR short of that goal.

Milo Ventimiglia was the shining star. He was amazing in a movie where he didn’t have the option of being amazing. It just proves that the guy deserves more attention than he gets.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 60%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 41%

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 2.8/5

Trust-the-Dice Score – 1/5

Movie Trailer: 

The Fog (2005)

Number Rolled: 26

Movie Name/Year: The Fog (2005)

Genre: Thriller

Length: 99 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Director: Rupert Wainwright

Writer: Cooper Layne, John Carpenter, Debra Hill

Actors: Tom Welling, Maggie Grace, Selma Blair, DeRay Davis, Kenneth Welsh, Adrian Hough, Sara Botsford, Cole Heppell, Mary Black, Jonathon Young, R. Nelson Brown, Christian Bocher, Douglas Arthurs, Yves Cameron, Charles Andre, Rade Serbedzija, Matthew Currie Holmes, Sonja Bennett, Meghan Heffern, Alex Bruhanski

A small town is planning a celebration of their 100 year anniversary. As the politicians worry about the authenticity of a statue, inhabitants are dealing with a much different issue. Items are washing up on shore. If that wasn’t bad enough, Nick Castle and his girlfriend, Elizabeth Williams, find themselves having to deal with a lost boat and some kind of conspiracy.

At first thought the movie wasn’t terrible. Oh, it made me think I’d rather be watching paint dry, but I was absolutely certain that the ending would tie it all together. I had every hope that when the movie was done I would have at least seen a spectacular finale. I was wrong. It was bad. There was no suspense, there were no real scares and there were plot holes so big that Jupiter was jealous. I can’t give away the plot holes without spoiling the entire movie but, trust me, they were BAD.

I’m having some trouble accepting that this was a remake of a John Carpenter movie from the 80’s. I’ve never seen his version, but I sincerely hope that Wainwright and Layne just completely altered everything and screwed the pooch. I want to believe the man behind Escape from New York/LA was not responsible for what I just had to endure.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 4%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 19%

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 2.8/5

Trust-the-Dice Score – 1/5

Movie Trailer: