Friday, November 23, 2012

The Forger (2012)

Number Rolled: 5
Movie Name/Year: The Forger (2012)
Genre: Drama
Length: 93 minutes
Rating: PG-13
Director: Lawrence Roeck
Writer: Carlos De Los Rios
Actors: Josh Hutcherson, Hayden Panettiere, Lauren Bacall, Alfred Molina, Tricia Helfer, Dina Eastwood, Adam Godley, Scott Eastwood, Billy Boyd, Kim Myers, Jansen Panettiere, Kean Matthams

I don’t always agree with the genre Netflix uses, but this time they were not fucking around with the term “drama.” There might have been two or three giggles I had throughout the movie, but the rest of it absolutely broke my heart.

An abused boy is abandoned by his mother and does his best to survive without a home. He breaks into a house and, because of his extreme talent in painting, is taken in by the person that owns the house. Though, it’s not out of the kindness of his heart. The man proceeds to use the boy in a forgery scheme and things just kind of snowball from there.

I enjoyed the movie. I was completely engulfed by it. There were a few under-utilized red herrings that could have added a greater depth to the story in some cases, but the argument to that is that it could have made the movie that much more predictable.

The last fifteen minutes of the movie was mostly amazing. The use of lighting to allow you to visualize an aspect of art that was discussed earlier in the film worked to heighten the suspense of that climax. It was a great twist on what could have been a mediocre ending; it also made so much sense with the spirit of the film. However, the very last three minutes of the move, or there-about, I could have done without. It got a little sappy and juvenile in a film that was anything but.

One issue, why in the hell would people not lock their doors?

Overall Opinion – 4/5

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

2012: Zombie Apocalypse (2011)

Number Rolled: 89
Movie Name/Year: 2012: Zombie Apocalypse (2011)
Genre: Horror
Length: 87 Minutes
Rating: R
Director: Nick Lyon
Writer: Craig Engler and Brooks Peck
Actors: Ving Rhames, Taryn Manning, Johnny Pacar, Gary Weeks, Lesley-Ann Brandt, Eddie Steeples, Robert Blanche, Gerald Webb

Well, this movie I was blessed to watch with a large group of screaming friends. First thing that needs to be noted is that this is beyond a B movie. If one were to ask anyone who watched this movie with me, it would be described as an F movie, or an F- depending who you ask.

I enjoy horror movies. In fact, I enjoy B-Horror movies almost more than the big Hollywood kind. Kevin Smith said it best when he said that without big budgets, directors are forced to be more creative about their movies. Many times, I find this to be true but not here.

I could get past the horrible and unnecessary CGI. I can even get past the horrible zombie make-up. Such things would be easy to get by actually! But the script was horrific. The plot was even worse and the ending made me wonder where the past 87 minutes of my life went. Simply put? The only reason to re-watch this movie is to torture the people you love and pull a rather MST3K stunt.

As they say in the movie:

Meow, bitch.

Overall Opinion – 1/5

Monday, November 19, 2012

The Amityville Haunting (2011)

Number Rolled: 7
Movie Name/Year: The Amityville Haunting (2011)
Genre: Horror
Length: 86 minutes
Rating: NR
Director: Geoff Meed
Writer: Geoff Meed (My sources were conflicting on this information, so the writer listed here may be wrong.)
Actors: Luke Barnett, Casey Campbell, Devin Clark, Jon Gale, Piper Kennedy, Jon Kondelik, Gracie Largent, Tyler Shamy, Amy Van Horne, Jason Williams

I swear I just spent an hour and a half watching bad actors against a backdrop of paint drying.

Admission time. I do not like camera work like that in the Blair Witch Project or this crap. Even if the story was spectacular, it would have likely scored low because I have a problem with movies that throw off my equilibrium enough that I want to vomit five minutes in. Luckily, I’m not being bias here. This movie was HORRIBLE.

Based around a family that moves into a haunted house, this movie spends about an hour and fifteen minutes showing you shaky camera movements that occasionally reveal a shadowy figure but no one notices it. In the last ten minutes it actually becomes a horror film and then it ends with, what I would describe as, the single most hilarious death scene I have EVER seen in my entire life. It’s supposed to be terribly disturbing and frightening, but the actor just kind of flops around like a dead fish for a full minute. The way a six year old would fake death in a play.

I wish I had something good to say about something. About ANYTHING, really. Unfortunately, this movie was pure crap.

Overall Opinion – 1/5