Chills & Thrills: Teeth (2007)

Movie Name/Year: Teeth (2007)

Tagline: Every rose has its thorns.

Genre: Comedy, Fantasy, Horror

Length: 93 minutes

Rating: R

Production Companies: Pierpoline Films, Teeth

Producer: Richard E. Chapla Jr., Mitchell Lichtenstein, Richard Lormand, Joyce Pierpoline

Director: Mitchell Lichtenstein

Writer: Mitchell Lichtenstein

Actors: Jess Weixler, John Hensley, Josh Pais, Hale Appleman, Lenny von Dohlen, Vivienne Benesch, Ashley Springer, Laila Liliana Garro, Nicole Swahn, Adam Wagner, Hunter Ulvog, Ava Ryen Plumb, Trent Moore, Mike Yager

Blurb from Netflix: When a virtuous high school student is sexually assaulted, she discovers that she has an unexpected line of defense: a toothed vagina.

Selina’s Point of View:

This movie is NOT for everyone. You need to have a very dark sense of humor and you need to be nearly impossible to offend.

The jokes this film makes are about incredibly dark and triggering subjects. There’s a reason it could never possibly be anything more than a cult film.

I won’t lie, this film is a total guilty pleasure for me.

Teeth is ridiculous, offensive, dumb, and completely in bad taste… and I still enjoy watching it. This wasn’t even my first watch-through. I’ve seen it about eight times in total – approximately.

As much as this film jokes about dark topics, it also sheds light on them while giving a taste of revenge to the story. The main character deals with a lot of things that real life women go through, the only difference is that she has a natural defense against it. That means we get to see real life jackass-architypes get exactly what they have coming to them when, in reality, there isn’t usually punishment for some of them.

It’s a harsh reality that the state of politics lately has very clearly shined a light on.

As someone who has been a victim of sex crimes, I get the fantasy in this movie enough that it keeps the more offensive aspects from affecting me. But that’s a very personal take on it. It’s not going to be the way everyone reacts.

Definitely only watch Teeth if you’re in it for the cult horror of it all. If you have triggers that revolve around rape or sexual assault – keep in mind that the scenes can get VERY graphic. The revenge fantasy helps me deal in general, but you’re the only who can decide if it would help you. 

Trust yourself, and skip it if you don’t think you can handle it. There are plenty of other awesome horror films out there that don’t go the same route.

If you have been assaulted and are in need of help, call 1-800-656-4673. That is the number for the RAINN -  the National Sexual Assault Hotline. By calling RAINN you will be given an anonymous ear to talk to, referrals to long term support, medical and legal information. The service is confidential and the staff members are highly trained.

Cat’s Point of View:

So one of the first things that comes to mind after watching this movie is… why?

For the love of Bob, why.

My initial kneejerk reaction aside, I do have to say that this is a very effective and successful horror movie. This wasn’t my first watch-through, and yet I am no less horrified for the repeat experience. (Truth be told, I’d forgotten a few of the bits here and there – quite likely on purpose.)

The theme is solid, and it’s well executed. This also isn’t the sort of horror movie you see every day, even though it has quite a lot of the elements of your standards present.

If you’re not a fan of body horror, this probably isn’t the movie for you. There are some rather graphic aspects to this film. There’s also a few points where things are just so wrong that it hits a comedic note. IMDb does show comedy as one of the genres for the film, but overall it seems like the story is taking itself seriously – unlike Tucker and Dale vs. Evil (2010) which is a clear-cut comedic horror thrill ride from start to finish.

There are some nuances that I didn’t notice on my first watch-through of the movie that I started picking up on with this second viewing. The details were interesting, but weren’t of any mind-blowing significance.

I’m generally all for movies that celebrate girl-power…but eesh.

The crazy thing is, I can’t say that I DON’T like the movie; and yet I am not entirely sure that I do. This is one of those I’d recommend just to see what someone else thought about it, as they experience The-Things-That-Cannot-Be-Unseen. 

Languages

Speech Available: English

Subtitles Available: English

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 80%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 45%

Metascore - 57/100

Metacritic User Score – 5.7/10

IMDB Score – 5.4/10

Trust the Dice: Selina’s Rating – 4/5

Trust the Dice: Cat’s Rating – 2.5/5

Movie Trailer:

Stardust (2007)

Number Rolled: 91

Movie Name/Year: Stardust (2007)

Tagline: Love is magic.

Genre: Fantasy, Romance, Adventure

Length: 127 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Production Companies: Paramount Pictures, Marv Films, Vaughn Productions, Di Bonaventura, Ingenious Film Partners, Truenorth Productions

Producer: Lorenzo di Bonaventura, Michael Dreyer, Chantal Feghali, Neil Gaiman, Stephen Marks, Peter Morton, Tarquin Pack, Kris Thykier, Matthew Vaughn, David Womark

Director: Matthew Vaughn

Writer: Jane Goldman, Matthew Vaughn, Neil Gaiman

Actors: Ian McKellen, Bimbo Hart, Alastair MacIntosh, David Kelly, Ben Barnes, Kate Magowan, Melanie Hill, Charlie Cox, Sienna Miller, Henry Cavill, Nathaniel Parker, Peter O’Toole, Mark Strong, Jason Flemyng, Mark Heap, Struan Rodger, Rupert Everett, David Walliams, Julian Rhind-Tutt, Adam Buxton, Michelle Pfeiffer, Claire Danes, Sarah Alexander, Joanna Scanlan, Mark Williams, Olivia Grant, Robert De Niro, Ricky Gervais

Blurb from Netflix: To win his true love’s heart, wide-eyed Tristan Thorn journeys to a forbidden realm to retrieve a fallen star that has taken human form.

Selina’s Point of View:

I had more fun watching this film than I have any other film in a long time. Oh, I’ve loved a lot of films recently. Punk’s Dead (2016), ARQ (2016), The Hallow (2015), The Hunters (2013)... are all films I’ve seen in the last couple of months that were great and that stuck with me.

Stardust was a great movie, but it surpassed that description.

It was more entertaining and fun than most of the movies that come to mind. This was a film that I could sit down and watch a hundred times and never get bored of.

There is no part of Stardust that I can find any fault in. The caliber of the cast was so incredible that it’s a little intimidating. Acting giants such as Sir Ian McKellan (Vicious, Mr. Holmes, X-Men), Robert De Niro (Heist, The Intern, Silver Linings Playbook) and Michelle Pfeiffer (The Family, White Oleander, Grease 2) hooked up with familiar names like Ricky Gervais (The Office, Derek, Escape from Planet Earth), Claire Daines (Homeland, Me and Orson Welles, Igby Goes Down), Henry Cavill (The Tudors, Whatever Works, Immortals), and Sienna Miller (Foxcatcher, High-Rise, American Sniper).

And then there was Charlie Cox (The Theory of Everything, Boardwalk Empire, Glorious 39).

Charlie Cox is very quickly becoming a favorite of mine. His acting skills are second to none. Sure, we’ve all seen him in Daredevil (2015 -)and we’re looking forward to seeing him in The Defenders (2017 -), but shows like that and movies like this can be cut and paste and altered. That sometimes dampens the true effect of an actor.

A cousin of mine works behind the scenes on live shows in Manhattan. Occasionally, he has access to tickets that he offers to the people he cares about. He’s been very careful to let us know that he will only ever get us tickets to the shows that are absolutely worth seeing. A few months ago, he invited me, my husband, and my best friend to go see one of those shows: Incognito (2016).

He failed to mention that one of the four actors in this “small show” was none other than Charlie Cox.

I saw Cox perform live that day. No cuts. No pastes. No altering.

It was a small theater that had me regretting not wearing my knee brace because I kept accidentally kicking the chair in front of me. There were only four actors in the entire play and one set with only a few chairs as props. Each actor played several different characters for the same storyline.

I was enthralled by the story, which was made more in depth by the sheer simplicity of it all.

As much as I enjoyed the total package of Incognito, it was Charlie Cox that stood out to me the most.

His performance that day will stick in my memory for the rest of my life. I can say that with complete confidence.

When I see movies like Stardust, or shows like Daredevil now… I’m just reminded of the true depth of this man’s talent. To this day, I have yet to be disappointed by anything he’s done.

IMDB shows that his visible career started fourteen years ago. He’s getting to be bigger now, more people have heard of him… but give it a little more time and he’s going to be a household name. He’s going to be on the level of those acting giants I mentioned earlier. He’s going to be the kind of actor that a director wants starring in their film because his name alone will sell tickets. And if that doesn’t happen, then this world is even more ignorant than I think it is.

Now that I’ve gone off on my fangirl rant, I’ll get back to Stardust.

Why is this film not held on the same level as The Princess Bride (1987)? Why are people not quoting it and referencing it constantly? I wish I could answer those questions. This film should have become a classic and I don’t understand why I hadn’t heard of it until we rolled it for this blog.

Is there a cult following somewhere that I can join? I’m 100% for that.

Cat’s Point of View:

I actually said “Yessssssssssssss!” when this turned up as our next movie. I’ve been wanting to watch this since it first hit theaters. Neil Gaiman (Coraline, Marvel Knights: Eternals, Lucifer) is such a masterful storyteller. I get excited whenever his work makes it to a live-action adaptation.

Then there’s the cast. I mean come on! Sir Ian McKellen’s (Flushed Away, The Golden Compass, The Dresser) part might be small but his voice narrating just sets up the expectation of a grand tale. This story certainly delivers on that.

Robert De Niro (Machete, The Family, Hands of Stone) added some amazing moments both in levity and the unexpectedly profound. Michelle Pfeiffer (Hairspray, Personal Effects, New Year's Eve) was flawless in the wicked ways of her character Lamia. British comedian Ricky Gervais (Night at the Museum, Ghost Town, Cemetery Junction) even had a small but hilariously important role.

Claire Danes (Evening, Temple Grandin, As Cool As I Am), whom stole my heart in My So Called Life (1994-1995), her angsty 90s TV drama, quite literally, as well as figuratively, shined as brightly as her character. I loved the dynamic between her character Yvaine and Tristan. Seriously – there were so many recognizable actors in this that I can’t even begin to touch on them all here or I’d be yammering on at you forever.

I do find it a bit ironic that this movie has Henry Cavill (Goodbye Mr. Chips, Tristan + Isolde, The Cold Light of Day) facing off with Charlie Cox (Stone of Destiny, There Be Dragons, Hello Carter). Considering when the film was made, was this a bit of cosmic foreshadowing of the Marvel and DC cinematic rivalry? The iconic caped hero of blue and red and the blind man in red leather - of course, that has nothing to do with this movie specifically; but I think my inner geek was squeeing through the whole film.

The wit that Gaiman infuses into his work is unmistakable throughout. The movie is both wonderful fantasy and adventure and also holds an undercurrent of a message that just might seep into the audience through the osmosis of experiencing it.

Mark this on a calendar. I might never say it again. I am actually glad that Terry Gilliam (Twelve Monkeys, Tideland, The Zero Theorem) didn’t end up at the helm of this project. He was offered the job, but turned it down because he’d just finished a fairytale-based movie. While I absolutely adore my Python boys – the movie might’ve turned out a lot different.  

It’s likely purist fans of the original story might have bits to poke at that have been changed somehow – but I was enjoying the movie so much I didn’t even care. It’s a rare thing for a movie to give me goosebumps. This one did just that.

I would eagerly recommend this movie and will likely watch it on more than one future occasion.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 76%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 86%

Netflix’s Prediction for Selina – 0/5 (WTF Netflix? Really? 0? That’s a first… and also super wrong.)

Selina’s Trust-the-Dice Score – 5/5

Netflix’s Prediction for Cat – 5/5

Cat’s Trust-the-Dice Score – 5/5

P.S. Minor sound addition after the credits – not a scene, just a sound addition.

P.S.2. Based on a book of the same name by Neil Gaiman.

Movie Trailer:

Dead Silence (2007)

Number Rolled: 27

Movie Name/Year: Dead Silence (2007)

Genre: Horror

Length: 89 minutes

Rating: UR

Production Companies: Universal Pictures, Twisted Pictures, Evolution Entertainment

Executive Producer: Peter Oillataguerre

Director: James Wan

Writer: Leigh Whannell, James Wan

Actors: Ryan Kwanten, Amber Valletta, Donnie Wahlberg, Michael Fairman, Joan Heney, Bob Gunton, Laura Regan, Dmitry Chepovetsky, Judith Roberts, Keir Gilchrist, Steven Taylor, Austin Majors

Jamie Ashen is a happily married man. Spending the night with his wife, he’s surprised to receive a package with no obvious sender. Inside the box he finds a perfectly normal looking, but creepy, ventriloquist dummy.

I know. There’s nothing worse than a recipe ventriloquist dummy movie. It’s been done to death and it’s always the same thing. Usually, that’s what I’d be saying, but this time I actually enjoyed it.

Ryan Kwanten (True Blood, Knights of Badassdom, Not Suitable For Children) is good actor and I’ve loved Donnie Wahlberg (Blue Bloods, Runaway, Band of Brothers) since I saw him as Duddits in Dreamcatcher (a guilty-pleasure alien movie). They worked well together, despite the fact that Wahlberg’s character had about as much depth as a kiddy pool. Aside from that, Judith Roberts (Eraserhead, Orange is the New Black, The Heart She Holler) was a great choice for Mary Shaw.

I’ll admit that about halfway into the film I was certain that Dead Silence was going to be like all the rest. It had all the mild shocks and creepy moving dummy eyes that you’d expect. What elevated the movie to something better was the second half.

I can’t pinpoint when the film started to get better, but I can say that once it hit that point I found it very difficult to look away from the screen. The ending was the best I’ve seen in a while.

I would definitely watch this movie again; possibly even recommend it to friends that enjoy horror.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 21%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 52%

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 3.7/5

Trust-the-Dice Score – 3.5/5

The Random Rating: PG-13

P.S. Written and directed by the creators of Saw.

Movie Trailer: 

Holiday in Handcuffs (2007)

Number Rolled: 43

Movie Name/Year: Holiday in Handcuffs (2007)

Genre: Romance

Length: 89 minutes

Rating: PG

Director: Ron Underwood

Writer: Sara Endsley

Actors: Melissa Joan Hart, Mario Lopez, Timothy Bottoms, Markie Post, June Lockhart, Kyle Howard, Vanessa Lee Evigan, Gabrielle Miller, Layla Alizada, Cedric De Souza

When the man Trudie is seeing randomly breaks up with her the same day he’s supposed to go with her to her family’s Christmas weekend, she has a nervous breakdown. On a whim, she kidnaps one of her customers and forces him to pretend he’s her boyfriend.

This movie, surprisingly enough, wasn’t terrible. Between it being a TV movie and starring Melissa Joan Hart, I went into this thinking I was going to be bored to tears. Actually, it wound up being pretty creative. Don’t get me wrong, it ended exactly the way you’d expect this kind of straight-to-TV film to end, but it delivered a pretty decent path to get there.

In all honesty, some of the reason I liked the movie could involve a touch of biasness. It was about a black sheep who did something crazy just to get her family to notice her. It’s something very easy for me to relate to. Granted, I’ve never randomly kidnapped some guy and made him pretend to be my boyfriend, but there’s a certain kind of crazy that comes with wanting nothing more than for your family to be proud of you for just one day. When you feel like you just don’t meet everyone’s standards and they don’t need or, in most cases, want you around, it’s easy to see how someone might have a little bit of a nervous breakdown.

I’m a little sensitive to this kind of storyline and so I probably liked it a little bit more than the majority of viewers would. I can’t even comment on the acting because I was so wrapped up in the script that I can’t remember anything worth discussing.

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 3.1/5

Overall Opinion – 3.5/5

Movie Trailer: (No working official trailer was found, instead, I've included video of the first 14 minutes.)

High School Musical 2 (2007)

Number Rolled: 6

Movie Name/Year: High School Musical 2 (2007)

Genre: Children & Family

Length: 105 minutes

Rating: G

Director: Kenny Ortega

Writer: Peter Barsocchini

Actors: Zac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Tisdale, Lucas Grabeel, Corbin Bleu, Monique Coleman, Bart Johnson, Alyson Reed, Chris Warren Jr., Jessica Tuck, Robert Curtis Brown, Mark L. Taylor, Ryne Sanbrn, Olesya Rulin, KayCee Stroh, Tanya Chisholm, Miley Cyrus

School’s out and summer is just beginning for the Wildcats. Troy and Gabriella plan to spend the entire season working together at a country club, making money and going on dates. Sharpay, one of their classmates, has different plans for them. As they begin to start trying to enjoy their summer, she begins plotting to pull Troy away from his friends in order to steal him for herself.

I saw the good in the original “High School Musical.” I wasn’t as fond of it as a lot of people, but I got the message and I understood how people could easily like it.

The sequel is another story altogether. They kept the mediocre script but dropped the quality of the musical numbers and although they tried to keep a moral for the story, it just plain fell flat. Not only did it fall flat, but this movie completely nullified the lesson of the last movie. It was as if the first one didn’t exist. Suddenly Troy doesn’t want to be himself again and denies wanting to sing? What exactly was the point of sitting through the original “High School Musical” then?

The only difference between the two movies that I found to be an improvement was the acting of Lucas Grabeel. Maybe he took some acting classes between one and two, but I found him a lot more believable this time around. Everyone else seemed to drop in quality.

I can imagine it would be fun for kids, but I still feel like the way they made the first one obsolete caused this one to lose any meaning it might have had.

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 3.2/5

Overall Opinion – 2/5

P.S. There are bloopers during the credit roll that are pretty good.

Movie Trailer:

Shrooms (2007)

Number Rolled: 35

Movie Name/Year: Shrooms (2007)

Genre: Horror

Length: 84 minutes

Rating: NR

Director: Paddy Breathnach

Writer: Pearse Elliott

Actors: Lindsey Haun, Jack Huston, Max Kasch, Maya Hazen, Alice Greczyn, Robert Hoffman, Don Wycherley, Sean McGinley, Toby Sedgwick, Andre Pollack, Jack Gleeson, Mike Carbery, Anna Tikhonova, Goranna McDonald, Berry Murphy, Joe Murphy, Joe Phelan, Stuart Rankin

Five friends meet up in Ireland with a sixth. Together, they go camping in order to harvest some “magic mushrooms.” Tara finds the wrong kind of mushroom, a deathcap, and accidentally overdoses on it. After someone gives her CPR, she begins to have premonitions of an evil force taking out her friends.

This movie seriously creeped me out. Not because it was fantastic or the story was all that amazing, nothing that simple. Throughout the entire movie I was having a horrible time with déjà-vu. I remember seeing everything I saw past the twenty minute mark, but I can’t remember seeing the movie. It’s actually really bothering me. This is not the kind of movie I would seek to watch for reasons other than this blog. The Netflix blurb makes it seem way too run of the mill. I’ve decided to assume I caught it on cable once upon a time and move on, but I’m still creeped out.

The problem is, the Netflix blurb isn’t wrong. This movie is very run of the mill. If it weren’t for my aforementioned personal experience, it would have left absolutely no impression on me. Come to think of it, that statement alone is kind of proved by that aforementioned experience.

I wouldn’t blame the actors, they were just fine. Unfortunately, the story was pretty much every urban legend ghost story in creation. Every time you expect something to jump out of somewhere, you’re probably going to be right. The ending was mildly interesting at best. Just, nothing made this movie stand out plot-wise. Basic of the basic. True mediocrity.

I need to try and figure out where I’ve seen it before.

Overall Opinion – 2.5/5

P.S. The Random Rating – R (for explicit/prolonged drug use and extreme violence)

Beowulf (2007)

Number Rolled: 91

Movie Name/Year: Beowulf (2007)

Genre: Sci-Fi & Fantasy

Length: 114 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Director: Robert Zemeckis

Writer: Neil Gaiman, Roger Avary

Actors: Robin Wright, Anthony Hopkins, Sonje Fortag, Sharisse Baker-Bernard, Charlotte Salt, Julene Renee-Preciado, Greg Ellis, Rik Young, Sebastian Roche, Leslie Zemeckis, John Malkovich, Woody Schultz, Crispin Glover, Ray Winstone, Brendan Gleeson, Costas Mandylor, Chris Coppola, Angelina Jolie, Dominic Keating, Alison Lohman

A town held a celebration in their brand new mead hall. Singing, dancing and drinking drew the ire of a twisted and broken creature. After having their hall (and many of their people) completely demolished, they learned that the demon responsible was called Grendel. Knowing he could not kill the creature on his own, the king offered half his kingdoms gold to a hero that could save his land. It was not long before Beowulfs sail appeared in the distance.

I had the good fortune of seeing this movie in theaters. Not just any theater, but the kind you actually have to lean the chair back in order to see the entire screen. As awesome as that was, I feel like I missed some of the nuances that I was able to catch while watching it on my own television. Such as the way the animators made the snow sparkle slightly to make it look closer to real.

The characters movements were a little stiff but six years ago, when this movie first came out, the style seemed a lot more advanced. I remember being completely blown away by it, and I have to take that into account.

There’s nothing I can say about the story itself. It’s the kind of classic that has been used in English courses for a long time and will continue to be used in the future. The epic poem that spawned this movie certainly does not need my critique. I will say that I thought the script held as closely to the poem as it possibly could.

Pretty much, I thought “Beowulf” was amazing and I was particularly fond of the aesthetics involved with the non-human creatures.

Overall Opinion – 4/5

P.S. Robert Zemeckis also directed “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” and “Back to the Future.” 

Eye of the Beast (2007)

Number Rolled: 67

Movie Name/Year: Eye of the Beast (2007)

Genre: Horror

Length: 90 minutes

Rating: NR

Director: Gary Yates

Writer: Mark Mullin

Actors: James Van Der Beek, Alexandra Castillo, Arne MacPherson, Ryan Rajendra Black, Brian Edward Roach, Larissa Tobacco, Kyra Harper, Kelly Wolfman, Ryland Thiessen, Rick Skene, Sharon Bajer, Brooke Palsson, Blake Taylor, Erik Fjeldsted, Stephen Eric McIntyre, Gabriel Daniels, Akulu Meekis, Alicia Johnston, Daina Leitold

Dan Leland is a NORA scientist that travels to a remote village in order to try and discern what is depleting the fish population in the area. The fishermen don’t trust him, believing he’s there looking for a reason to shut down the fishery and the natives don’t trust him because he hasn’t yet given them a reason to. He meets up with Cat, an officer in charge of the lake, and they form an alliance to attempt to get to the bottom of things.

This right here is what I believe a creature feature should be! In fact, it is my favorite of the genre since Jurassic Park. It’s a B-Movie so it managed to endear itself to me without the amazing and flawless graphics.

Kevin Smith once said that he was glad he’d had a small budget for Clerks because it forced him to be creative about the way he did things. I believe this movie, much like Clerks, benefited from the smaller budget. The people working on this movie knew they didn’t have the money to make a graphically phenomenal giant squid, so they worked around it. They didn’t try to force the situation. You see the work of forced graphics, where greatness cannot be achieved, in movies like, “Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus.” That kind of force makes a movie seem more like a joke than anything else could. In “Eye of the Beast,” they concentrated more on the story than the actual squid – which reminded me a bit of “Jaws.”

There was great acting, especially for a B-Movie, a storyline that had no shortage of suspense and a script that utilized what we expect in order to become unexpected. If you’re looking for a Creature Feature, this is a really good one to start with.

I just had one major problem with it. At one point, one of the characters needed to feel for a pulse. Either the director or the actor screwed up because just about everyone knows you don’t check for a pulse in the middle of the throat.

Overall Opinion – 4/5

Ten Inch Hero (2007)

Number Rolled: 93

Movie Name/Year: Ten Inch Hero (2007)

Genre: Romance

Length: 102 minutes

Rating: R

Director: David Mackay

Writer: Betsy Morris

Actors: Elisabeth Harnois, Clea DuVall, Sean Patrick Flanery, Jensen Ackles, Danneel Ackles, Alice Krige, John Doe, Sean Wing, Adair Tishler, Jordan Belfi, Matt Barr, Peter Dennis, Judith Drake, Tony Daly

You get those movies that hide really drastically important subtext beneath the plot, the movies that are representations of political context, the movies that are just so much deeper than the script would lead you to believe; then you have movies like this. This was a really simple, straight-forward, movie.

Four coworkers and one boss work at a sandwich shop in Santa Cruz. Each member of the staff has their very own storyline and issues to work through. Piper, played by Elisabeth Harnois, put her child up for adoption when she was fifteen and believes she has found the girl living nearby. Jen, played by Clea DuVall, is a wallflower that has struck up a friendship with a person online and is confronted with the possibility of meeting them. Tish, played by Danneel Ackles (still Danneel Harris at time of production), is a promiscuous woman looking for the next thrilling relationship. Priestly, played by Jensen Ackles, is the punk rock anarchist that can’t seem to catch Tish’s eye. Finally, Trucker, played by John Doe, is hopelessly in love with the woman who runs a shop across the street and is too in awe to actually speak with her. Throughout the movie we see how each of these people confronts their various conflicts and aid each other through theirs.

I absolutely fell in love with this movie.

There’s so very little I can say about why, though. The actors did amazing work with an amazing script. It was like Clerks if you added more romance and just a little less comedy, not that it wasn’t comedic. In fact, if pressed, I would categorize it as a comedy instead of a romance.

As much comedy as there was, the movie still managed to get me all teary-eyed at the ending of at least one of the several storylines. A few of the ending parts, however, were a bit too tidy and neat for my liking. Very Disney-esk. And I don’t like the ending for Priestly at all. Even if I ignore the message of his particular ending, I felt like it cheapened the film just a bit.

None-the-less, it was an amazing movie that I am very likely to both recommend and watch again.

Overall Opinion – 4.5/5

Meet Bill (2007)

Number Rolled: 86

Movie Name/Year: Meet Bill (2007)

Genre: Comedy

Length: 93 minutes

Rating: R

Director: Bernie Goldmann, Melisa Wallack

Writer: Melisa Wallack

Actors: Aaron Eckhart, Jessica Alba, Elizabeth Banks, Logan Lerman, Holmes Osborne, Todd Louiso, Timothy Olyphant, Reed Diamond, Kristen Wiig, Jason Sudeikis, Andy Zou, Ana Lucasey, Constance Barron, Conor O’Farrell

This movie had so many actors and actress I love in it, that I had no choice but to put it on my instant queue; Jessica Alba, Elizabeth Banks, Logan Lerman and Timothy Olyphant. Unfortunately, the movie did not impress me.

Sad sack Bill, played by Aaron Eckhart, learns early on in the film that his wife, Jess (played by Elizabeth Banks), is cheating on him with news personality Chip, played by Timothy Olyphant. After a couple of outbursts, involving a video camera and some highly youtube worthy material, Bill finds himself worse off than he was at the very beginning of the movie – which was pretty bad to begin with. He finds himself forced to work with a high-school aged kid as a mentor and that kid (unnamed by the movie, played by Logan Lerman) begins to influence him to find his own identity.

The movie had its moments, but it wasn’t really my kind of comedy. I can see why others might enjoy it, but I spent the majority of the movie just thinking how wrong it was. And it was wrong on so many levels. I kept expecting child protective services or the cops to get involved in this very strange, borderline pedophilic, mentor-child relationship. There were parts I expect to see clips of on Law and order: SVU.

A couple of posts ago, I did a review on “The Forgotten.” In that review, I noted that a spectacular cast can sometimes take a not so great, unimaginative story and turn it into something amazing. However, I did say it was rare. In this case, we are faced with the rule, not the exception. You have a mediocre storyline with a bleh kind of wanna-be-American-Beauty script with an absolutely fantastic cast. It pretty much evens out into a mediocre movie.

How you feel about this movie will ultimately depend on your sense of humor.

Overall Opinion – 2.5/5

Lars and the Real Girl (2007)

Number Rolled: 61

Movie Name/Year: Lars and the Real Girl (2007)

Genre: Comedy

Length: 106 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Director: Craig Gillespie

Writer: Nancy Oliver

Actors: Ryan Gosling, Emily Mortimer, Paul Schneider, R.D. Reid, Kelli Garner, Nancy Beatty, Doug Lennox, Joe Bostick, Liz Gordon, Nicky Guadagni, Patricia Clarkson

A lot of recipe movies have been hijacking my dice lately. I mean, I know it’s random, and that’s going to happen now and again because recipe movies are really common, but it put me in the wrong frame of mind for this movie. In fact, a half hour in, it caught me so off guard I had to pause it, get up and walk around for a minute or two before I continued. There’s no recipe for this movie, in fact, I don’t think the director himself could duplicate it. It was a completely original script that blew my mind.

The movie is about a loner introvert, Lars (played by Ryan Gosling), that finds it increasingly difficult to be around people and to maintain relationships of any sort. After a co-worker brings to his attention the existence of life-like sex dolls, he orders one. However, he doesn’t see the doll as a sex toy. In fact, he begins to see it more as a girlfriend, taking her wherever he goes and basically doing date-related activities. At the suggestion of a psychologist, his family plays along with his delusion in the hopes of aiding him.

Whoever labeled the genre of this movie was either drunk or just deciding from a two sentence blurb about the movie, what it might possibly be like. I sat down, all prepared to watch a recipe movie with a few laughs, and got a completely original movie that made me stare at the screen with my chin hanging low and my chest hurting. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really not complaining; but do yourself a favor and don’t believe anyone who tells you differently, this movie was undoubtedly a drama. There were comedic moments, but it was a drama.

Ryan Gosling was amazing in his part. You would never believe the suave, sexy guy from “Crazy, Stupid, Love” was the same guy playing this twitchy, introverted, delusional guy. I absolutely believed in the character he portrayed. I believed in all the characters. Hell, I even managed to get attached to the sex-doll’s existence in this movie.

I would highly recommend this movie. Very highly. Honestly, it’d probably be a perfect five if I hadn’t expected a comedy. It’s like taking a drink and expecting it to be iced tea when it turns out to be iced coffee. The iced coffee might be good, but it makes for very bad tea.

Overall Opinion – 4.5/5

Boot Camp (2007)

Number Rolled: 84

Movie Name/Year: Boot Camp (2007)

Genre: Thriller

Length: 99 minutes

Rating: Unrated

Director: Christian Duguay

Writer: Agatha Dominik, John Cox

Actors: Mila Kunis, Gregory Smith, Peter Stormare, Regine Nehy, Christopher Jacot, Tygh Runyan, Colleen Rennison, Barbara Gates Wilson, Lexie Huber

“Boot Camp” was an unexpectedly amazing thriller, however disturbing. A few troubled teens finding their way into a boot camp on an isolated island with no hope of escape sounds like the beginning of “Lost, the Second Time.” Which is why I had it sitting in my instant queue for nearly a year without ever giving it a chance. Its time was up when I rolled an 84.

Mila Kunis is a cute little actress, but I’ve only ever seen her in “That 70s Show” and heard her through the voice of Meg on “Family Guy.” I wasn’t expecting to see much when I found out she was the star in this thriller, but she more than pulled it off. She was natural, reacting like I would expect most troubled teens in the characters situation to react.

The movie delves into a situation where the teens are pulled out of their natural lives and thrown into a place where they have no say, no identity and no choice… in anything. All the while we are shown memories of the situations that got people put in the camp in the first place, the reasons why these children were labeled “bad.” People with a weak stomach might want to avoid the unrated version since there are scenes involving rape.

Sophie, Mila Kunis’ character, is shipped off to a boot camp after butting heads with her step-father and undergoes more and more abuse as time goes on. The more she pushes against the system, the more beat down she gets. Meanwhile, back at home, her boyfriend Ben (played by Gregory Smith) follows his instinct in believing something’s wrong. He does everything imaginable to free her from hell.

As much as I love a good love story, I think it was wholly unnecessary here. The exact same story could have been told if Ben had been a brother or cousin. Let’s face it though, Hollywood knows the deal: sex sells.

On top of that the majority of it, save for the love story, is based around truth. A thriller is always scarier when you know it has, or could have, happened somewhere for real.

Overall Opinion – 4/5

Disturbia (2007)

Number Rolled: 17

Movie Name/Year: Disturbia (2007)

Genre: Thriller, Crime Thriller

Length: 104 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Director: D.J. Caruso

Writer: Christopher B. Landon, Carl Ellsworth

Actors: Shia LaBeouf, Carrie-Anne Moss, David Morse, Matt Craven, Dominic Daniel, Amanda Walsh, Jose Pable Cantillo, Sarah Roemer, Aaron Yoo

Disturbia was amazing the first time I saw it, great the second and now it has plateau-ed at good. This movie was in the beginning of Shia’s career just a few months prior to his role as Sam Witwicky in Transformers. When he was in this movie he was still trying to stand on his own two feet – away from Disney. Personally, I still believe he did a great job and helped to mold his acting personality.

The movie itself has a general storyline that has been done before, but it is my opinion that they do that storyline very well. They concentrated a bit much on the romance aspect, but in the end the success or failure of the “hero” had nothing to do with the girl and that was somewhat refreshing.

I kind of wish Hollywood would understand that girls are in it for the storylines too and not just the romance.

Overall Opinion – 3/5