Friday, November 2, 2012

Zombie High (1987)

Number Rolled: 10
Movie Name/Year: Zombie High (1987)
Genre: Horror
Length: 90 minutes
Rating: R
Director: Ron Link
Writer: Tim Doyle, Aziz Ghazal, Elizabeth Passarelli
Actors: Virginia Madsen, Paul Feig, Sherilyn Fenn, Clare Carey, Scott Coffey, Richard Cox, Kay Kuter, James Wilder, Paul Williams, Henry Sutton

For a zombie movie, there was a disturbing lack of actual zombies.

You know what? No. That’s it. I’m not wasting anymore of my life on this movie than I already have.

Overall Opinion – -1/5

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Ransom (1996)

Number Rolled: 91
Movie Name/Year: Ransom (1996)
Genre: Action and Adventure
Length: 121 minutes
Rating: R
Director: Ron Howard
Writer: Cyril Hume, Richard Maibaum, Richard Price, Alexander Ignon
Actors: Mel Gibson, Rene Russo, Gary Sinise, Delroy Lindo, Lili Taylor, Brawley Nolte

Well, I don’t know about how Mel Gibson would feel about a Jew critiquing one of his films, but I’m just going to say he’s a crap actor who sucked dick to get to the top anyway. Now that he’s stopped reading (which let’s face it, he never was) I can go on to a more serious look at the film.

It was boring. I was so easily distracted, some of the time I forgot to look at the screen. If I had been tired at all, I might have fallen asleep. It had some good parts, but it was altogether unimaginative and the best actor in the entire film was probably the kid or an actor that’s no longer a factor maybe a half hour in.

It wasn’t terrible, just boring. I mean, I wouldn’t warn anyone away from the film but I’d be hard-pressed to watch it again.

Overall Opinion – 2/5

Monday, October 29, 2012

Stripes (1981)

Number Rolled: 98
Movie Name/Year: Stripes (1981)
Genre: Comedy
Length: 106 minutes
Rating: R
Director: Ivan Reitman
Writer: Len Blum, Daniel Goldberg, Harold Ramis
Actors: Bill Murray, Harold Ramis, Warren Oates, P.J. Soles, Sean Young, John Candy, John Larroquette, John Voldstad, Judge Reinhold

*Sigh* just… *sigh*. My hopes were way too high for this movie. Two of the Ghostbusters? John Candy? The lawyer from Night Court? Not to mention a suggestion to watch it from my best friend? Hell yeah. I’m in.

Ok, it’s not the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but it doesn’t even meet half credit for me. True, in its time, it might have been something special – but this is not 1981 and I’m watching it now. Not then. Have you ever seen “In The Army Now” – that ridiculous army movie featuring Pauly Shore? If you have, then you really don’t need to watch this rendition of the same exact tale. Having seen both movies I feel I can safely say that “In the Army Now” took just about its entire story – not just its inspiration – from Stripes. And, although it starred Pauly Shore and Andy Dick, still managed to tell the story BETTER than Stripes.

I was more entertained by chasing a mouse through the living room with my dog and a piece of cardboard than I was by the movie. And that, my friends, is just sad.

I would really like to roll something worth watching now. Please?!

Overall Opinion – 2/5