Thursday, November 10, 2016

Most Likely to Die (2016)

Number Rolled: 69
Movie Name/Year: Most Likely to Die (2016)
Tagline: One Killer Reunion
Genre: Horror
Length: 80 minutes
Rating: TV-MA
Production Companies: Snowfall Films
Producer: Sharon Bordas, Margret H. Huddleston, Suzanne Lyons, Hannah Pillemer, Fernando Szew, Michael Tarzian
Director: Anthony DiBlasi
Writer: Laura Brennan
Actors: Chad Addison, Jake Busey, Tess Christiansen, Ryan Doom, Perez Hilton, Marci Miller, Tatum Miranda, Heather Morris, Johnny Ramey, Jason Tobias, Skyler Vallo

Blurb from Netflix: Former classmates throw a house party to celebrate their 10-year high school reunion, but a cap-and-gown-wearing killer traps and stalks them.

Selina’s Point of View:
I have technically never seen this movie before. I say technically, because the entire time I was watching, I was keenly aware that I had seen it dozens of time.

Most Likely To Die was pretty much every single 90’s teen slasher flick ever created. There wasn’t so much of an ounce of creativity in it – except for one poorly done death scene that was actually physically impossible. That’s just… not how anatomy works.

When Joss Whedon (Dollhouse, In Your Eyes, Firefly) and Drew Goddard (Daredevil, The Martian, World War Z) wrote The Cabin in the Woods (2012), they might as well have been making fun of this film. Since Cabin in the Woods came out four years BEFORE Most Likely To Die… that says everything you need to know. I really can’t think of a better way to put it.

In the end, this film wasn’t unwatchable, but it was barely acceptable as background noise.

Cat’s Point of View:
With my 20-year high school reunion looming at the end of this month, this particular roll result seemed appropriate and a bit amusing. (If recently celebrating my daughter’s 13th birthday didn’t have me feeling old – this REALLY does.)

Of course, there really isn’t anyone from my graduating class that I’d want to off. No, really. I’m quite sure that karma has taken care of anyone that decided that unpleasantness was their legacy; and it’s not worth dwelling on, you know?

Moving along – movie to review and all, right?

The overall takeaway feeling from this film was ‘meh.’ I didn’t love it, or even particularly hate it. It was just there. Everything about it was rather mediocre and predictable. I was starting to piece things together early in. This one had to have covered most of the slasher movie tropes out there, really.

There was no notable pomp with these circumstances. I likely won’t be recommending this one, and I’d generally vote for it to be ‘most likely to be forgotten.’

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – None
Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 15%

Netflix’s Prediction for Selina – 2.5/5
Selina’s Trust-the-Dice Score2/5

Netflix’s Prediction for Cat – 2/5
Cat’s Trust-the-Dice Score2/5

Movie Trailer:

Monday, November 7, 2016

Kindergarten Cop 2 (2016)

Number Rolled: 51
Movie Name/Year: Kindergarten Cop 2 (2016)
Tagline: They can smell fear.
Genre: Comedy
Length: 100 minutes
Rating: PG-13
Production Companies: Capital Arts Entertainment, Imagine Entertainment, Universal 1440 Entertainment, Universal Family Entertainment, Where’s Arnold Productions
Producer: Simon Abbott, Mike Elliott, Greg Holstein, Dolph Lundgren
Director: Don Michael Paul
Writer: David H. Steinberg, (based on the film written by:) Timothy Harris, Murray Salem, Herschel Weingrod
Actors: Dolph Lundgren, Darla Taylor, Bill Bellamy, Aleks Paunovic, Sarah Strange, Danny Wattley, Michael P. Nothey, Abbie Magnuson, Blake Stadel, Dean Petriw, Tyreah Herbert, Valencia Budijanto, Michael Adamthwaite, Andre Tricoteux, William Budijanto, Raphael Alejandro, Enid-Raye Adams, Rebecca Olson, Shannon Spears, Josiah Black, Matilda Shoichet-Stoll, Fiona Vroom, Philip Cabrita, Jenn Griffin, Oscar Hartley

Blurb from Netflix: A hard-edged FBI agent goes undercover as a kindergarten teacher to recover stolen Witness Protection Program data in this action-comedy special.

Selina’s Point of View:
Hollywood, please… if you’re going to make a movie like this call it what it is: a remake. This film was not a sequel and it’s almost false advertising to say it was.

I hate ‘sequels’ like this. By the very definition of the word ‘sequel’ – this movie is disqualified.

Kindergarten Cop 2 did not continue the story of the first one, it did not develop the theme of the first one, and the story did not take place as a result of the first one. See? Not a sequel.

Once upon a time, my mom and I used to watch the original Kindergarten Cop (1990) over and over again. So much so that we could BOTH quote it – and my mom’s not a real movie lover like I am. It’s been a while now since I’ve seen that adorable-ness, but I still remember it quite clearly. There was a lot of cheesy acting and jokes, but it all came together to make something memorable.

In this REMAKE the acting was bad, not just cheesy. In fact, the first five minutes was so horrible – acting-wise – that I seriously thought it was a scene of actors pretending to act badly because their characters were filming something. When I realized the main character was actually a cop, I just sunk into my couch and groaned. I knew what I was in for from there on out.

The best parts of the film were Bill Bellamy (Noobz, Mr. Box Office, Fastlane) and the kids. The script was crap, the remade story was sub-par, and the other actors just had nothing to add to it all.

I am disappointed in this film and have no intention of ever watching it again.

Cat’s Point of View:
I didn’t expect a lot from this sequel. That was a good thing, really, considering I didn’t get a lot from it. This movie is likely just a bid to get in on the nostalgia sequel bandwagon. At least it wasn’t a remake, right? No one else would have been able to adequately reassure us with a heavy accent that they weren’t afflicted with a tumor and find the same comedic gold.

The movie was largely predictable with a sizeable dose of elements from the original 1990 movie- but with a modern spin. The kids were swimming in this new-fangled coddled culture and the tech got a boost, but I had seen it all before.

I had a really hard time paying attention to this one. It took some serious effort.

I’m a big 80’s action movie fan, so I am always interested in following iconic actors from the movies that I love. Dolph Lundgren (Legendary, Skin Trade, Shark Lake) is one of those that tends to make a role interesting. Seeing him in this movie wasn’t quite the same feeling as the famous Govern-ator brought to the original, though.

The nature of the interaction between Darla Taylor’s (Lucky In Love, Down Here, Killer Photo) character and Lundgren was also a bit on the unbelievable side. I mean, really – he’s old enough to be her father, literally, and looks it. There’s a 30 year age difference between them and she’s 29. She was a great pick as a kindergarten teacher that was a real person outside of the uber-P.C. environment of the school – but I think it should have stopped there.

All in all, the movie was cute and ultimately boring. There are funnier and more interesting nostalgia sequels out there. I’d likely recommend one of those over this one.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – None
Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 26%

Netflix’s Prediction for Selina – 1.5/5
Selina’s Trust-the-Dice Score1/5

Netflix’s Prediction for Cat – 2.5/5
Cat’s Trust-the-Dice Score2/5

Movie Trailer: