Zathura (2005)

Number Rolled: 80

Movie Name/Year: Zathura (2005)

Tagline: Adventure is waiting.

Genre: Family

Length: 100 minutes

Rating: PG

Production Companies: Columbia Pictures Corporation, Radar Pictures, Teitler Film, Michael De Luca Productions

Executive Producer: Louis D’Esposito, Ted Field

Director: Jon Favreau

Writer: Chris Van Allsburg, David Koepp, John Kamps

Actors: Jonah Bobo, Josh Hutcherson, Dax Shepard, Kristen Stewart, Tim Robbins, Frank Oz

Danny and Walter are brothers, but they don’t really get along. While their dad is out and their older sister is tasked with watching them, they find a game that is out of this world.

Selina’s Point of View:

So, all throughout watching Zathura I couldn’t help but think about its similarities to Jumanji (1995). It wasn’t until after I finished watching and began to research the film that I found out it started out as a book written by the same author and is part of the same world. Apparently, at one point during production, it was even considered the sequel to Jumanji before that idea was scrapped by Columbia.

I disagree with Columbia. Zathura will forever be considered Jumanji 2 to me. Headcanon.

Usually, I have an issue with kid-based movies because the kids seemed to almost be trained to over-act. I think that’s kind of bullshit, because it condemns those kids to short-lived acting careers because they have to learn how to not suck once they hit puberty and Hollywood thinks they’re not cute anymore. Wanna know why child-stars go crazy? See the beginning of this paragraph.

This movie was atypical. The only person in the movie that over acted, no joke, was Kristen Stewart (American Ultra, On the Road, Equals). I know there are some confused faces staring at the screen wondering what an overacting Kristen Stewart looks like. Well, watch the film.

Despite his age, Jonah Bobo (Crazy Stupid Love, The Backyardigans, Around the Bend) was convincing as Danny. At least, as convincing as any child his age can be. There were a few meh moments, but nothing that pulled me out of it. Where Josh Hutcherson (Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, Detention, Red Dawn) is concerned, I can definitely see how he went from his performance in Zathura to that insanely convincing Peeta act in The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2. Acting just seems to come naturally to him.

Finally, Dax Shepard (Idiocracy, Employee of the Month, Parenthood) is always awesome. He’s one of those underrated actors that I see rocking a ton of great parts and not getting spoken about nearly as much as he should. In that way, he’s in the same category as Matthew Lillard (SLC Punk, The Bridge, Fat Kid Rules the World) to me. Tons of talent, not enough appreciation for it. Fun fact: Shepard and Lillard co-starred in the 2004 film Without a Paddle.

I enjoyed this film more than I thought I would. I’d both watch it again and recommend it.

Cat’s Point of View:

When this film was released, my daughter was only two; and I didn’t feel particularly interested in it. The previews had me thinking that I’d seen it before – the plot looked like Jumanji (1995) in space, and Robin Williams (August Rush, Shrink, Happy Feet 2) wasn’t in it.

What a difference a decade makes.

Now that my daughter is twelve, we were able to watch this one together. I have to admit that I was hasty in judging the film in the past. It stood well on its own, even with a similar premise and framework.

The special effects team did a bang up job with this one (yes, that was a pun – I couldn’t help it!).  They threw the laws of physics right out the window in such a way that it was whimsical, fitting, and didn’t look hokey. Of course, the tween and I are both Whovians, so that did help a little in suspending disbelief.

Jon Favreau (Iron Man, Cowboys and Aliens, Chef) did a wonderful job with this movie. I can’t wait to see his vision for the upcoming MTV series based on author Terry Brooks’ Shannara (1944-) books.

I tip my proverbial hat to the cast of this film. Jonah Bobo (Choke, The Fox and the Hound 2, Disconnect), Josh Hutcherson (RV, The Kids Are All Right, Epic), and Kristen Stewart (Jumper, The Runaways, Camp X-Ray) had chemistry at a level that I would have really believed they were siblings, had I not known otherwise. Their sibling rivalry was excellently executed.

I halfway wish that I had watched this movie years ago, instead of giving it a pass – if no other reason than perhaps getting a glimpse at Kristen Stewart’s acting ability before the sparkly vampire movies colored my perception of her.

I geeked out a bit when I realized that the legendary voice actor responsible for so many beloved characters, Frank Oz (Sesame Street, Star Wars Rebels, Inside Out), had a role in this movie. It wasn’t one of his iconic characters, either. See if you can guess, as you watch without looking it up!

We had a lot of fun watching this movie, and I would gladly recommend it.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 75%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 51%

Netflix’s Prediction for Selina – 4/5

Selina’s Trust-the-Dice Score – 4/5

Netflix’s Prediction for Cat – 4.5/5

Cat’s Trust-the-Dice Score – 4/5

Movie Trailer:

The Brothers Grimm (2005)

Number Rolled: 76

Movie Name/Year: The Brothers Grimm (2005)

Genre: Sci-Fi & Fantasy

Length: 118 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Production Companies: Dimension Films, MGM, Mosaic Media Group, Reforma Films, Atlas Entertainment, Summit Entertainment, The Weinstein Company

Executive Producer: Jonathan Gordon, Chris McGurk, Andrew Rona, John D. Schofield, Bob Weinstein, Harvey Weinstein

Director: Terry Gilliam

Writer: Ehren Kruger

Actors: Petr Ratimec, Barbora Lukesova, Anna Rust, Jeremy Robson, Matt Damon, Heath Ledger, Harry Gilliam, Mackenzie Crook, Richard Ridings, Peter Stormare, Jonathan Pryce, Laura Greenwood, Lena Headey, Tomas Hanak, Monica Bellucci

Selina’s Point of View:

The Grimm brothers lost their sister at an early age. All because Jacob believed in magic and fairy tales. Years later, the brothers take their jaded beliefs into business. They destroy fake supernatural evils for a price.

I wanted to see this film when it came out, but I never got around to it. I’m sorry about that, because I think it would have been better in the early 2000s. In the decade between then and now, there’ve been a lot of technological advances that made graphics better and HD did no favors to this film.

Graphics aside, the story was interesting and the acting was pretty good. I felt like Peter Stormare (The Blacklist, Penguins of Madagascar, 22 Jump Street) was a bit over the top, but Matt Damon (Interstellar, Happy Feet Two, Good Will Hunting), Heath Ledger (Brokeback Mountain, The Patriot, 10 Thing I Hate About You), Lena Headey (Zipper, The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones, Dredd) and Monica Bellucci (The Whistleblower, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, Shoot ‘Em Up) made up for it.

In the end, I wish I’d liked this film more. Unfortunately, it did very little for me. If I want to watch this kind of film, I’ll watch Van Helsing (2004).

Cat’s Point of View:

I feel I must begin with an admission that I am a Monty Python geek. The Brothers Grimm’s director, Terry Gilliam (Monty Python & the Quest for the Holy Grail, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Tideland), happens to be the only US-born original member of that group.

Where am I going with this random trivia? The second part of my admission is that I often watch projects involving the Python boys through fandom-colored glasses. I begin my viewing with an expectation of being thoroughly entertained, and they rarely disappoint.

I have seen this film before, around the time it was released. I remembered it fondly, and was happy to re-watch.

 

This tale of con-artists forced to finally face the nightmare of real magic afoot in the world was a fun ride. The balance of comedy with the darkness on the brothers’ path to redemption keeps the tale from being too heavy-handed.

Matt Damon (The Bourne Ultimatum, The Monuments Men, Elysium) captures well the angst of a brother carrying around the ghost of his deceased sister. The late Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight, A Knight's Tale, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus) was also an excellent casting to embody the spirit of the unforgiven dreamer.

I also enjoyed Lena Headey’s (Game of Thrones, 300, The Purge) strong character.  Her personal tale was one of pain and loss, and she captured that as well as embracing the lighter side. Grandmother Frog was also a nice transition for Damon’s brother to show his character growth.

As a side note, fans of Game of Thrones (2011-) and The Pirates of the Caribbean (2003-) franchise might recognize some familiar faces in the supporting cast.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 38%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 39%

Netflix’s Prediction for Selina – 4.1/5

Selina’s Trust-the-Dice Score – 2.5/5

Netflix’s Prediction for Cat – 4.2/5

Cat’s Trust-the-Dice Score – 4/5

Movie Trailer: 

The Sandlot 2 (2005)

Number Rolled: 97

Movie Name/Year: The Sandlot 2 (2005)

Genre: Comedy

Length: 97 minutes

Rating: PG

Production Companies: 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment, David Evans Pictures

Producer: David Bixler, Vicki Sotheran

Director: David M. Evans

Writer: David M. Evans, Robert Gunter

Actors: Max Lloyd-Jones, James Willson, Samantha Burton, Brett Kelly, Cole Evan Weiss, Neilen Benvegnu, Sean Berdy, Jessica King, McKenzie Freemantle, Griffin Reilly Evans, Reece Thompson, Teryl Rothery, Greg Germann, James Earl Jones, David M. Evans

Ten years after the events in the first movie, a group of different kids are starting to see the sandlot as their home. Unfortunately, that home has been invaded by girls playing softball.

Look, I can’t actually call this film plagiarism because it has the same writers as the first one. That being said, this is the laziest, most bull-shit attempt at a sequel I have ever seen in my life. I am super disappointed in everyone that was involved, and that includes James Earl Jones (Star Wars, Merlin, Finder’s Fee).

They decided to remake the film and label it a sequel. The creators referenced the first movie very specifically, but then failed to change the majority of the script. The ending and the components were the same. Even the way the characters did things was the same. It was completely regurgitated except that girls were added to the mix.

I’ve scored this film a flat 0; something that has only happened one other time in the history of this blog. I contemplated giving it an even lower score.

I don’t care how the actors did. What I care about is that the prick who wrote this took one of my favorite childhood movies, The Sandlot (1993), remade it into a sequel and didn’t bother to add a single note of creativity or originality into it. The first movie deserved better and I think David Evans needs to find a brand new day job with brand new projects to ruin.

Don’t waste your time on the sequel.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 40%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 42%

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 2.6/5

Trust-the-Dice Score – 0/5

P.S. They made a third one. I’m going to pretend it doesn’t exist.

Movie Trailer: [ They didn't even bother making an original trailer for the sequel. A third of it is from the first movie. ]

The Skeleton Key (2005)

Number Rolled: 4

Movie Name/Year: The Skeleton Key (2005)

Genre: Thriller

Length: 103 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Affiliated Companies: Universal Pictures, ShadowCatcher Entertainment, Double Feature Films, Daniel Bobker Productions, Brick Dust Productions LLC, MFPV Film

Executive Producer: Clayton Townsend

Director: Iain Softley

Writer: Ehren Kruger

Actors: Kate Hudson, Gena Rowlands, John Hurt, Peter Sarsgaard, Joy Bryant, Maxine Barnett, Fahnlohnee R. Harris, Thomas Uskali, Jen Apgar, Forrest Landis, Jamie Lee Redmon, Ronald McCall, Jeryl Prescott, Isaach De Bankole

Caroline is a hospice worker trying to get enough experience to become a nurse. When she finds she disagrees with the heartless nature of the hospice she works at, she sets out to find a client of her own. After finding an ad in the paper, she finds a strange old couple to work for.

Despite the decent cast there was really nothing spectacular about this movie. I wasn’t startled when I should have been and the plot was ultimately predictable. I enjoyed the ending otherwise it would have been a complete waste of time.

Maybe it’s because I’ve seen a great deal of hoodoo-based movies/shows, but it feels like writers do the same things over and over again. They build up the dispute of the subject so much that it loses its edge.

The best way to describe what I mean is by using The Matrix as an example. There will be spoilers in the next paragraph, but the film’s been out for 15 years. The grace period to see it is over, spoilers are now just kind of recaps.

When Neo first meets Morpheus, he doesn’t quite get what the matrix is or his role in it. Even when he’s training it hurts to get hit or to fall. So, when Neo believes the matrix is real, an agent holding a gun to him is terrifying. Even though he can dodge the bullets, he fearfully calls for Trinity. However, by the end of the movie the matrix makes sense to him; the gun does not exist, so he doesn’t even bother dodging. There’s no fear.

Hoodoo movies and shows tend to stress that the magic is only frightening if you believe in it. So, I wind up staring at the screen wondering why the victims don’t just walk away. The script itself denies that there’s any actual danger for the character, so there’s no fear.

A great hoodoo script wouldn’t outright say that the magic can’t hurt someone if they don’t believe. It would let that be an unspoken rule. Only then would the psychological terror become more realistic.

The mind is a powerful thing. If a writer tells me the main conflict is a lie, I will believe it’s a lie.

And I will be bored.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 38%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 58%

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 3.5/5

Trust-the-Dice Score – 2/5

Movie Trailer: 

The Fog (2005)

Number Rolled: 26

Movie Name/Year: The Fog (2005)

Genre: Thriller

Length: 99 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Director: Rupert Wainwright

Writer: Cooper Layne, John Carpenter, Debra Hill

Actors: Tom Welling, Maggie Grace, Selma Blair, DeRay Davis, Kenneth Welsh, Adrian Hough, Sara Botsford, Cole Heppell, Mary Black, Jonathon Young, R. Nelson Brown, Christian Bocher, Douglas Arthurs, Yves Cameron, Charles Andre, Rade Serbedzija, Matthew Currie Holmes, Sonja Bennett, Meghan Heffern, Alex Bruhanski

A small town is planning a celebration of their 100 year anniversary. As the politicians worry about the authenticity of a statue, inhabitants are dealing with a much different issue. Items are washing up on shore. If that wasn’t bad enough, Nick Castle and his girlfriend, Elizabeth Williams, find themselves having to deal with a lost boat and some kind of conspiracy.

At first thought the movie wasn’t terrible. Oh, it made me think I’d rather be watching paint dry, but I was absolutely certain that the ending would tie it all together. I had every hope that when the movie was done I would have at least seen a spectacular finale. I was wrong. It was bad. There was no suspense, there were no real scares and there were plot holes so big that Jupiter was jealous. I can’t give away the plot holes without spoiling the entire movie but, trust me, they were BAD.

I’m having some trouble accepting that this was a remake of a John Carpenter movie from the 80’s. I’ve never seen his version, but I sincerely hope that Wainwright and Layne just completely altered everything and screwed the pooch. I want to believe the man behind Escape from New York/LA was not responsible for what I just had to endure.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 4%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 19%

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 2.8/5

Trust-the-Dice Score – 1/5

Movie Trailer: 

Rent (2005)

Number Rolled: 42

Movie Name/Year: Rent (2005)

Genre: Romance

Length: 134 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Director: Chris Columbus

Writer: Stephen Chbosky, Jonathan Larson

Actors: Anthony Rapp, Adam Pascal, Rosario Dawson, Jesse L. Martin, Wilson Jermaine Heredia, Idina Menzel, Tracie Thoms, Taye Diggs

Adapted from Broadway, Rent is about a group of bohemian friends living in New York. They deal with drugs, AIDS, love and loss through a creative and original music score.

Obviously “Rent” is not the newest thing on the block. It existed on stage for a long time before the movie came out, and the movie itself came out nearly a decade ago. Still, this is the first time I’ve seen any adaptation of it. Considering I’ve lived in New York for all my life, I should probably be held in stockades for that crime.

I’ve always heard amazing things; mostly about the play. Now I understand why. To be honest, I don’t really feel like the script translated well into the big screen. I can see how it would be amazing on stage, but the director took a lot of liberties with the camera angles and general film quality that I just can’t imagine what his interpretation was supposed to look like. The actors were phenomenal and the music will stick with me for longer than I can probably imagine, but that was only able to take it so far. “Rent” as a film doesn’t really work. Maybe Chris Columbus wasn’t the right director for the job, or maybe it just wasn’t a good choice to change over entertainment genres.

If there’s ever a chance for me to see a revival of the play, however, I’m all over it.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 46%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 83%

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 4.9/5

Trust-the-Dice Score – 3/5

Movie Trailer: 

Dirty Deeds (2005)

Number Rolled: 45

Movie Name/Year: Dirty Deeds (2005)

Genre: Comedy

Length: 89 minutes

Rating: UR

Director: David Kendall

Writer: Jon Land, Jonathan Thies

Actors: Milo Ventimiglia, Lacey Chabert, Tom Amandes, Matthew Carey, Mark Derwin, Charles Durning, Michael Milhoan, Billy L. Sullivan, Zoe Saldana, Arielle Kebbel, Ray Santiago, Erin Torpey, Alex Solowitz, Danso Gordon, Wes Robinson, Keith Britton, Michael Sullivan, Dave Power, Fred Meyers, Jaymee Ong, Daniel Hilfer, Todd Zeile, Michael Bofshever,

Zach Harper really couldn’t care less about school spirit. He doesn’t even have interest in the semi-rebellious tradition of doing the dirty deeds the night before homecoming. However, when a bully forces one of his friends into a corner, Zach takes on the deeds in order to get his friend out of trouble.

Milo Ventimiglia is a great actor. I could watch him sing the alphabet and be happy with the time I spent on it. Even in this movie, surrounded by other actors trying to be as cheesy as they could possibly manage, Ventimiglia managed to pull off such an amazing performance that it elevated the entire film for me.

The movie had all the obligatory parts of a teen high school comedy; all the stereotypes were met. In fact, all those parts were exaggerated to a point where I was no longer able to suspend disbelief. I knew a lot of strange, evil, awkward people, when I was in high school, and none of them spoke like they were reading off cue cards. The truth is, I’m a fan of this kind of recipe movie. I love the low brow, raunchy, dirty humor that’s utilized – masturbation jokes, fart jokes; it’s all part of a guilty pleasure. The problem with it is that it’s so bottom of the barrel that if the actors don’t step it up, the jokes get lost among the stuff that’s not supposed to be funny.

There were a lot of issues in “Dirty Deeds” but there’s one thing that outweighs them all for me: I liked it. I’ve lost a little respect for myself because of it, but I really could sit here and watch the film a second time.

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 2.9/5

Overall Opinion – 3.5/5

The Random Rating: R – For implied sex scenes and prolonged nudity

Movie Trailer: 

Cake (2005)

Number Rolled: 13

Movie Name/Year: Cake (2005)

Genre: Comedy

Length: 94 minutes

Rating: R

Director: Nisha Ganatra

Writer: Tassie Cameron

Actors: Heather Graham, David Sutcliffe, Taye Diggs, Sandra Oh, Keram Malicki – Sanchez, Cheryl Hines, Bruce Gray, Sarah Chalke, Sabrina Grdevich, Michael McMurtry, Amy Price-Francis, Reagan Pasternak, Jefferson Brown, Suzanne Cyr,

Pippa is a travel writer. She spends her time bungee jumping, running with the bulls, sky-diving, whatever she comes across. The freedom of the single traveler calls to her and she avoids anything that might tie her down. On a trip home, to go to a friend’s wedding, she learns that her father is sick and having trouble with one of his businesses. When she agrees to fill-in, she finds herself editing a wedding magazine.

This was a romantic comedy that was just like every other romantic comedy, except it had a little edge. I don’t mind recipe movies, as I’ve said quite a bit, but if you’re going with a recipe as simple and well known as this kind of rom-com, you’ve got to have something extra to make the movie stand out against the thousands of others. Despite the slight edge to it, this movie didn’t really have that extra. It gets lost among the mediocre films that make up the majority of the genre. That doesn’t mean it was a bad film, it just wasn’t good, either.

If the story had taken a slightly more interesting turn at the end or involved a few more unanticipated moments throughout, it might have been fantastic. All the actors were amazing in their parts; Heather Graham, David Sutcliffe, Taye Diggs, there’s really no going wrong with them. With a better script/story they would have elevated this movie to great heights.

Basically, it was a typical Romantic Comedy that wasn’t great, but watchable.

Overall Opinion – 2.5/5

Movie Trailer: 

Vampire Bats (2005)

Number Rolled: 57

Movie Name/Year: Vampire Bats (2005)

Genre: Horror

Length: 89 minutes

Rating: NR

Director: Eric Bross

Writer: Doug Prochilo

Actors: Lucy Lawless, Dylan Neal, Liam Waite, Timothy Bottoms, Brett Butler, Tony Plana, Jessica Stroup, Arnie Pantoja, Brandon Henry Rodriguez, Robin Hines, Josh Segarra, Andrew Matthews, Donna Duplantier, Damon Lipari, Jerrod Paige, Bobby Campo, Stephanie Honore, Jacque Henry, Emily Michel, Peggy Walton-Walker, Craig Ferguson

“Vampire Bats” is the follow up to “Locusts” from earlier in 2005. Dr. Maddy Reardon and her husband, Dan, have just moved to a new town in order to build a calmer, easier life – preferably away from evil locusts. While teaching, Dr. Maddy is informed of the death of one of her students and begins an investigation to find out what did it. She knows for sure it wasn’t the two students the sheriff arrested.

I haven’t seen “Locusts.” I didn’t even realize this was a sequel until the characters in the movie said something suspicious that made me decide to look it up. To be honest, although I might look for “Locusts” in order to see it, it wasn’t necessary. This movie did well standing on its own. In fact, this movie did really well altogether.

It was a B movie, but the story and the actors were really on the ball. The bats might have been one step up from claymation, but I found that forgivable. In movies like this, I often find myself really bored. In the beginning, I was fairly certain nothing would be different. However, the storyline wound up breaking stereotypes and Lawless certainly showed just how amazing she still is. There was a little bit of a secondary love story that I found unnecessary, but they really didn’t spend much time on it, so it didn’t affect my opinion all that much.

“Vampire Bats” was a good, solid, B-movie. A creature feature, without a doubt, but one that was absolutely worth it.

Overall Opinion – 3.5/5

P.S. The Random Rating: PG-13 (For sex references and blood/moderate violence)

P.P.S. The sound started to come on a delay in the last half hour or so.

Sahara (2005)

Number Rolled: 12

Movie Name/Year: Sahara (2005)

Genre: Action & Adventure

Length: 124 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Director: Breck Eisner

Writer: Clive Cussler, Thomas Dean Donnelly, Joshua Oppenheimer, John C. Richards, James V. Hart

Actors: Matthew McConaughey, Steve Zahn, Penelope Cruz, William H. Macy, Rainn Wilson, Delroy Lindo, Lambert Wilson, Lennie James, Robert Cavanah, Clint Dyer, Daniel Lobe, Glynn Turman

Dirk is obsessed with the whereabouts of a lost, Civil War era, battleship. After finishing a treasure find with his crew, he obtains permission to head to the Sahara in order to locate the ship. Dragging along two of his friends, and a doctor he saved from thugs on the beach, he heads off to locate clues. Unfortunately for them, what’s supposed to be a calm treasure hunt turns into much more when his case and the case of a spreading plague intertwine.

I’m not a fan of McConaughey (to put it lightly), so when I rolled one of his movies I groaned, sat back on the couch and prepared myself to watch him slur through another run of the mill script. However, I found he actually did pretty well with this movie. In fact, there were times that I was able to forget who was playing Dirk. Aside from his glaring lack of chemistry with Penelope Cruz, he actually felt just right next to Steve Zahn. Since they were the two main characters in the movie, it’s almost acceptable that scenes between McConaughey and Cruz seem to be forced.

This movie requires a great amount of your time be spent in suspending disbelief. If you can manage to meet the staggering requirement for that request, it’s a fun movie. Physics, science, history and geography are all completely ignored… but if we can accept cars that transform into sentient beings, we can accept what they’ve thrown at us here.

I was able to move past the technical issues enough that I actually enjoyed the movie. Although it’s long, the story is fast-paced and doesn’t leave you longingly staring at the clock. It’s not one of my favorite movies, but it wasn’t bad.

Overall Opinion – 3.1/5

P.S. This movie was based off a book of the same name by Clive Cussler.

A Simple Curve (2005)

Number Rolled: 16

Movie Name/Year: A Simple Curve (2005)

Genre: Drama

Length: 91 minutes

Rating: NR

Director: Aubrey Nealon

Writer: Aubrey Nealon

Actors: Kris Lemche, Michael Hogan, Matt Craven, Pascale Hutton, Sarah Lind, Kett Turton, Michael Robinson, Petra Hartley, Hank Hastings, Ben Cotton, Suzinn Robinson, Waneta Storms

Twenty-seven year old Caleb runs a wood shop, with his father Jim, in the mountains. The two seem to be good friends instead of father and son. When a man from Jims past, Matthew, comes back to visit, Caleb begins to get close to him. Though their business is failing, his fathers’ old friend agrees to hire them for a big job. All the while, Caleb seems to be growing further and further away from the world he’s known.

This is not the kind of movie I generally enjoy. I’m not really one for the straight-forward drama. I like my dramas to have a secondary genre; whether it’s comedy or horror doesn’t matter. Complete dramas just tend to bore the life out of me. For that exact reason, there aren’t many on my instant queue. This movie pleasantly surprised me.

I added this to my queue because I like Kris Lemche. He’s not the most popular or celebrated actor out there, but I love him none-the-less. I believe he’s strong at the parts he portrays and it was good to see him as a serious character in a serious movie for once. This is the first movie of his, that I’ve seen, that fits that description and he killed it (in a good way). Michael Hogan and Matt Craven had an interesting dynamic, but I’m not sure it really hit the level that the storyline called for. Each of their interactions with Lemche was amazing, but I think the chemistry between Hogan and Craven alone needed a bit more life than they delivered.

The movie doesn’t quite get to main plot point until you’re well into it. It’s always just underneath whatever’s going on at the moment, but it’s subtle, until it’s not. There weren’t a lot of risks in the story, but the ones they took were very interesting.

A Simple Curve was definitely flawed, but for as flawed as it was, I still loved it. I had to score it as high as I did, because I managed to love it without actually liking the genre. I don’t care what anyone says, that’s impressive.

Overall Opinion – 4/5

Serenity (2005)

Number Rolled: 93

Movie Name/Year: Serenity (2005)

Genre: Sci-Fi & Fantasy

Length: 118 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Director: Joss Whedon

Writer: Joss Whedon

Actors: Nathan Fillion, Gina Torres, Alan Tudyk, Morna Baccarin, Adam Baldwin, Jewel Staite, Sean Maher, Summer Glau, Ron Glass, Chiwetel Ejiofor, David Krumholtz, Michael Hitchcock, Sarah Paulson, Yan Feldman, Rafael Feldman, Nectar Rose, Tamara Taylor, Glenn Howerton, Hunter Ansley Wryn

Normally, I would start my entry off with a couple sentence description of the beginning of the movie. Maybe make a mention of the main character or an actor within it. Serenity doesn’t need that kind of introduction. It’s a fair belief that if you are part of the geek culture (especially revolving around sci-fi), you know that this movie is what was meant to tie up the loose ends of a canceled series called, “Firefly.” It’s a show that lasted only one season and has more followers than many of the shows that are still airing today.

Serenity is the saddest movie I have ever seen.

I don’t mean the ending or what leads up to it. Nor am I indicating that the script or plot held a sad tone. It’s what the movie represents that moves me. This film shows, at a very deep level, what Firefly could have evolved into.

Television shows go through a kind of evolution. Think about your favorite complete series of all time; whether it’s “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” “Lost,” “Heroes,” “30 Rock,” “Dawson’s Creek,” “MacGyver” or anything else doesn’t matter. How would you feel if you watched the very first episode of the show directly before watching the very last? Would it even seem like the same series? Would you be able to believe that the air-head blonde Buffy in the pilot was the same as the broken-down seasoned warrior in the final episode, without knowing what got her there?

Firefly was a brilliant show that had everything it needed to get its characters from where they started to a final product that we will never see. That’s why people aren’t willing to let go of this one season series that could have been more. In Serenity we see how far these characters could go and how much further they have left to travel. Fanfic aside, they’ll be traveling without us.

That is why Serenity is so sad to me. It’s like someone gave me a book, let me start the first chapter then tore it out of my hands and let me read the middle of the next book. Aside from the fact that if someone did that to me in real life I’d likely bite them, it’s almost cruel. We geeks get attached to our characters. We empathize with them. When they die, we cry. When they succeed, we cheer. When the TV goes off, we write fan-fiction and make pictures on tumblr, just to get them to stick around. We look for philosophy between the lines of characters that probably weren’t written with philosophy in mind. We publish books about those philosophies. Here we are handed Mal, Zoë, Wash, Inara, Jayne, Kaylee, Simon, River and Shepherd; all characters that are highly relatable, that have in depth independent storylines that brought them together. We made friends with them as we traveled on their Firefly ship through the galaxy, until they left us behind. The worst part is, I don’t think any of us really understand why.

Emotion aside, the movie’s really good. Attention to detail is spectacular – right down to the blown blood vessels that can appear in an eye that’s been punched. The script was like an episode of Firefly only better. And, of course, it’s Joss Whedon, which means anyone can die at any time from the moment the movie starts to after the credits roll, leaving you wincing anytime someone takes a hit because you wonder if that’ll be it.

Long live Firefly… if only in our hearts.

Overall Opinion – 5/5

The Call of Cthulhu (2005)

Number Rolled: 20

Movie Name/Year: The Call of Cthulhu (2005)

Genre: Horror

Length: 46 minutes

Rating: NR

Director: Andrew Leman

Writer: H.P. Lovecraft, Sean Braney

Actors: Matt Foyer, John Bolen, Ralph Lucas, Chad Fifer, Susan Zucker, Kalafatic Poole, John Klemantaski, Jason Owens, D. Grigsby Poland, David Mersault, Barry Lynch, Dan Novy, Daryl Ball, John Joly, Jason Peterson, Matthew Malcomson

This movie is not a new remake of the story of Cthulhu, it is the movie version of the original short story written by H.P. Lovecraft. The nephew of a professor that had been researching the cult of Cthulhu is followed by this story. Slowly he learns about the cult and that cult believes the day the old one will rise is nearing and that he will rule the Earth. As he nears the end of his own life, he makes a desperate plea to his psychiatrist to destroy the records.

I have to admit, I absolutely hated this movie, but I feel unqualified to critique it. I hadn’t realized when I added it to my instant queue that it was a silent film and in black and white. I should have, because it does say so right on the cover – but I overlooked that.

In the past you’ve seen me state that people that hate a certain type of movie shouldn’t review that type of movie and I, personally, hate silent movies. So I feel uncomfortable adding a review. The story itself is the classic, and so if you like that kind of thing and you like the silent movie genre, watch it.

I will say that this is the first movie I’ve ever seen have a 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. That alone is kind of impressive.

I’m giving it a medium-rating for the sake of the blog, but don’t put any stake in it.

Overall Opinion – 2.5/5

ZA: Zombies Anonymous (2005)

Number Rolled: 1

Movie Name/Year: ZA: Zombies Anonymous (2005)

Genre: Horror

Length: 108 minutes

Rating: NR

Director: Marc Fratto

Writer: Marc Fratto

Actors: Jenny Greeman, Joseph DeVito, Yarusha Jimenez, Lodric D. Collins, S. Vanessa Bryant, Gina Ramsden, Joshua Nelson, Mary Jo Verruto, Lincoln Cabrerra, Jennifer Brown, Mandi Bradbury, Shannon Moore

Imagine a world where the dead don’t truly die. The moment that last breath is taken, they rise up as the undead. Meat-craving, pasty-skinned, anti-living zombies, in the flesh; but instead of rising up to immediately hate and attempt to devour the living they continue their lives – in a manner of speaking.

The main character of this story, Angela – played by Gina Ramsden, is shot by her lunatic boyfriend about five minutes into the movie. We then go on a journey with her as she attempts to live in a world that fears and rejects her kind. It has the makings of a run-of-the-mill recipe coming of age movie. Even with the zombie dynamic. However, the movie manages to avoid that fate. There are few movies out there, that I’ve heard of/seen, that shoot from the perspective of the zombie rather than the humans. This one tells the tale very well and with an amazingly unique setting.

For a B-movie, it was absolutely incredible. There was only one actress I hated (Shannon Moore, no thanks), while the rest did a pretty decent job. A tiny budget led to a few issues with graphics and video, but it forced the director to be more creative, you can see it in a lot of the scenes. Granted, the quality of the film almost makes it feel like a bootleg, but if you can get passed that – it’s really worth it.

The soundtrack left a lot to be desired. It was like a badly created .midi file being looped so that you’re still hearing its annoying sound about a half hour after the movie was over. I could have lived without that.

Overall Opinion – 3.5/5

House of 9 (2005)

Number Rolled: 7

Movie Name/Year: House of 9 (2005)

Genre: Psychological Thriller

Length: 90 minutes

Rating: R

Director: Steven R. Monroe

Writer: Philippe Vidal

Actors: Dennis Hopper, Kelly Brook, Hippolyte Girardot, Susie Amy, Peter Capaldi, Ashley Walters, Julienne Davis, Raffaello Degruttola

Epic…… fail. There really is no other way to describe this one. Netflix describes it as a mix of Saw and Agatha Christie. And I can see it! It’s Saw without the action and Agatha Christie without the storyline. It was 90 minutes of sitting in a waiting room at the doctor’s office. On the bright side, I’ll get to bed early enough to not be tired at work tomorrow.

Granted, my hopes were way too high on this one. A Saw movie created with Dennis Hopper? Oh, hell yeah, right? Not at all. This movie made me want to go back in time and ask him what the hell he was doing. I was unfamiliar with the rest of the actors, but I couldn’t help thinking to myself the entire time about how strange the shape of the cop’s head was; mainly because it was the most interesting part of the movie.

My advice is not to bother with this particular film. The movie world would be better off without it.

Overall Opinion – 1/5

Double Dare (2005)

Number Rolled: 89

Movie Name/Year: Double Dare (2005)

Genre: Documentary

Length: 81 minutes

Rating: NR

Director: Amanda Micheli

Writer: N/A

Actors: Jeannie Epper, Zoe Bell, Lynda Carter, Lucy Lawless, Eurlyne Epper, Ken Howard, Terry Leonard, Quentin Tarantino, Steven Spielberg

I’m not really all that big on documentaries. I find they have three possible outcomes: Interesting, boring or bad. They can have a mix of any of the three (oddly enough I’ve seen ones that I would categorize as interesting and bad). This one would be interesting in my eyes.

Though it claims to be about a few different stunt-woman, they really mostly follow Zoe Bell around. It followed her from her days as stunting for Lucy Lawless on the set of Xena to more recently when she was the stunt girl for Uma Thurman in Kill Bill. It was interesting to note the struggles of female stunt people in a predominately male occupation. Not to mention interesting to see what happened to at least one of the people from behind the scenes of one of my all-time favorite TV series when I was younger (Xena!).

Honestly, if you curious about the subject, it’s a good movie to watch. Not really re-watchable in my eyes but, then again, few documentaries are.

Overall Opinion – 3/5