The Cube Trilogy

I’ve always been curious about the movie Cube (1997). My RP group designed some events around it, it’s noted as being an impressive B cult film, and pretty much everyone I know that’s seen it has enjoyed it.

As with most cinematic black holes, though, once you go a certain amount of time without watching something it gets more difficult to find the time. New movies come out, work takes over, family life expands, and movies that people swear you should have seen forever ago just slip through the cracks.

The other day, my little one decided she was going to have a sleepy day and I decided it gave me enough time to watch the entire Cube trilogy. So, I did. I watched all three movies, back-to-back. First Cube, then Cube²: Hypercube (2002), and finally, Cubeº: Cube Zero (2004).

Let me start with the series as a whole.

A lot of questions don’t really get answered. In a trilogy like this, I would expect the final film – since it’s a prequel – to offer some kind of closure on why things are happening. You get a non-committal ‘who’ but no real ‘why’. That disappointed me. They did manage to bring things around so that the story made some manner of sense, but the fact that I got no real closure, kind of bothered me.

As for the individual movies, that was a bit more complicated.

I think Cube (the first one), is a brilliant example of a film that ‘doesn’t hold up’. You hear people use that saying a lot, but you really only see examples of it here and there.

For the most part, if you don’t mind ignoring technological changes, there are very few reasons for a movie to not hold up. Not taking CGI, or cinematography in general, into account, I believe the story itself doesn’t hold up. It’s a little boring and shallow – just a basic torture porn, only it doesn’t go as far as a lot of the other movies out there.

The thing is, I would put money on the belief that I would have loved Cube if I saw it when it first came out. It was B quality, but in a good way. It also would have been the first I’d seen of that kind of story and I would have been enthralled. Instead, the first film I saw with that same basic story was Saw (2004). I believe I still would have liked Saw if I’d seen Cube first… but going the other way around makes it feel like I have to compare the two, and I just prefer Saw.

The second movie, Cube²: Hypercube had a different problem. It took all the CGI it could and utilized it to make something ridiculously over worked that cheapened the plot. I was so distracted by the quantum bullshit that I forgot to care about the characters at all.

I didn’t mind the first movie, but the second one pushed my buttons and kind of annoyed me. The ending made it worth a watch, but just barely.

The third film was, by far, my favorite of the three. Cubeº: Cube Zero made me think back to Cabin in the Woods (2012) and I had to admit that I saw how the entire Cube series could very well have influenced the Joss Whedon/Drew Goddard creation. Instantly that endeared the third film to me because I LOVED Cabin in the Woods.

What the third film did right was to make me empathize with the antagonist – or at least a sub-set of the antagonists. It also brought more of the Cube world into focus by stepping slightly outside the cube.

With the way the third film circled around to set up the first, I found myself greatly appreciating that they’d made it a prequel. However, I think they could have gone further and explained more to the audience.

If I wasn’t left wanting, I’d be more likely to consider myself a member of the Cube cult. Unfortunately, watching the trilogy didn’t quite scratch the itch it caused.

It’s not a bad series, but not one I’m likely to be foaming at the mouth to watch again.

The Rules of Attraction (2002)

Number Rolled: 39

Movie Name/Year: The Rules of Attraction (2002)

Genre: Independent

Length: 110 minutes

Rating: R

Director: Roger Avary

Writer: Bret Easton Ellis, Roger Avary

Actors: James Van Der Beek, Shannyn Sossamon, Jessica Biel, Kip Pardue, Kate Bosworth, Ian Somerhalder, Joel Michaely, Jay Baruchel, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Clifton Collins Jr., Clare Kramer, Eric Stoltz, Fred Savage, Eric Szmanda, Anderson Goncalves, Chasen Hampton, Ron Jeremy

Sean Bateman, Lauren Hynde and Paul Denton’s lives intersect at the End of the World Party. Difficulties, misunderstandings and bonds intertwine until they are destined to be in their certain paths that day. This film follows the three students and their sexual escapades throughout a few weeks at Camden College.

In 2002, if James Van Der Beek was in a movie, it was easy to write it off as a coming of age thing or a romance; especially since he was still filming Dawson’s Creek at the time. I cannot stress this enough, however, this is not a romance or a coming of age story. There are all kind of mature themes in this film: death, violence, sex, rape, and the list goes on. If you’re looking for a light-hearted easy-going gentle-themed movie, you might want to skip over this misleading title.

As dark and dirty as this movie is, I absolutely adored it. The actors are great at their insane or psychotic characters and the plot is relatively in depth. There are spectacular twists in the story and the script is almost like a dark epic poem.

I think “The Rules of Attraction” is a great dark film that hits a lot of the right marks. Some of the scenes run a bit too long and some of the faces are little overacted, but it’s forgivable in my eyes because the rest of it is just that good.

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 2.7/5

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 43%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 71%

Trust-the-Dice Score – 3.5/5

P.S. The “Sean Bateman” character in this movie is actually the little brother of the character “Patrick Bateman” in the movie “American Psycho.” It’s not said in the movies, but it is a fact from the books.

Movie Trailer: 

Stealing Harvard (2002)

Number Rolled: 66

Movie Name/Year: Stealing Harvard (2002)

Genre: Comedy

Length: 85 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Director: Bruce McCulloch

Writer: Martin Hynes, Peter Tolan

Actors: Jason Lee, Tom Green, Leslie Mann, Megan Mullally, Dennis Farina, Tammy Blanchard, Richard Jenkins, Chris Penn, John C. McGinley, Seymour Cassel, Mary Gillis, Bruce McCulloch,

John is in a bind. He finally saved up enough money to get a house with his fiancé. That would be a good thing except he already promised his father-less niece money for college. With his niece accepted into Harvard, he’s expected to pay a rather large sum. With no way to get the money and finding it difficult to turn to his soon-to-be wife, John goes to desperate lengths in order to keep the promise he made.

I don’t know how I sat through this movie. I didn’t so much as giggle throughout the entire thing. In fact the only part worth watching was the bloopers after the credits. Bad acting. Bad script. Bad plot. Every stereotype ever created for this kind of comedy.

I can’t. It was too bad. I think I lost 60 points of my IQ to this movie.

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 2.7/5

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 9%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 41%

Trust-the-Dice Score – 1/5

P.S. Bloopers after the credits are over.

Movie Trailer: 

Maid in Manhattan (2002)

Number Rolled: 71

Movie Name/Year: Maid in Manhattan (2002)

Genre: Romance

Length: 105 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Director: Wayne Wang

Writer: John Hughes, Kevin Wade

Actors: Jennifer Lopez, Ralph Fiennes, Natasha Richardson, Stanley Tucci, Tyler Posey, Frances Conroy, Chris Eigman, Amy Sedaris, Marissa Matrone, Priscilla Lopez, Bob Hoskins, Lisa Roberts Gillan, Maddie Corman, Sharon Wilkins, Jayne Houdyshell, Marilyn Torres, Lou Ferguson, Di Quon, Liliane Thomas, Raquel Shapiro, Emma Thaler

Marisa, a maid, is dutifully cleaning her rooms when one of her coworkers convinces her to try on a guest’s designer outfit. She’s caught in the expensive clothing by a senator candidate and they hit it off. As they bond over her gifted child, they begin to fall deeper in with each other.

I like some movies with this recipe, but there has to be something exceedingly special about them. Something has to get them to stand out; whether it’s a fantastic script, or brilliant acting or even a slight unexpected twist thrown into the otherwise par-for-the-course plot. Maid in Manhattan had none of that. I think that, maybe, the writers thought that giving the poor maid a gifted son would add that twist to their cookie-cutter script, but they were wrong. I’ll admit it didn’t hurt, but it certainly didn’t pull the movie out of the rut it gets stuck in from the very beginning.

I’ve liked Jennifer Lopez before. In “Selena” she was outstanding and stuck to the character like duct tape, but she falls flat on her face here. I simply couldn’t buy her as the hard-working, struggling, single mom that she had to portray. However, I thought Tyler Posey was great, especially for a child actor. It’s very easy for child actors to over-act, possibly because they don’t understand the societal norms for certain emotions and circumstances, but Posey didn’t fall into that trap.

If you enjoy this specific movie recipe than it’s something you might be able to use as background noise, but don’t expect to be impressed.

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 2.3/5

Overall Opinion – 2/5

Movie Trailer: 

Resident Evil (2002)

Number Rolled: 18

Movie Name/Year: Resident Evil (2002)

Genre: Horror

Length: 100 minutes

Rating: R

Director: Paul W. S. Anderson

Writer: Paul W. S. Anderson

Actors: Ryan McCluskey, Oscar Pearce, Indra Ove, Anna Bolt, Joseph May, Robert Tannion, Heike Makatsch, Jaymes Butler, Stephen Billington, Fiona Glascott, Milla Jovovich, Eric Mabius, Colin Salmon, Martin Crewes, Pasquale Aleardi, Michelle Rodriguez, Liz May Brice, James Purefoy, Michaela Dicker

When the T-virus is released in a secret lab known as “the Hive,” an artificial intelligence named “The Red Queen” takes over in an attempt to keep the virus from reaching the population above. This results in the death of all the occupants of the Hive. The company responsible, Umbrella, sends a team into the structure to find out what happened.

Video game movies have some of the worst reputations among fans. Is it a wonder why? Hardcore gamers tend to have a very attentive eye for detail, especially when dealing with their favorite games. So, when a movie is made targeting them, a gamer tends to want as little deviation as possible. The problem is, with a player’s free will and interpretations coming into play with the game and not in the movie, there will always be a lot more deviation than what people expect. It is for that reason that I tend to rate video game movies on their own merit, without taking into consideration their inspiration.

When taken on its own merit, Resident Evil is a fast-paced, action-packed horror movie with a great deal of substance. There are memorable lines, a good plot and several very good actors throughout. One could argue that the majority of the male actors look a bit like they were all cut from the same cloth, but that could just be coincidence. If it was done on purpose, however, it was a dumb decision to make. That particular casting choice made many of the characters seem one dimensional and replaceable.

Even with its faults taken into account, I’m still a big fan of “Resident Evil” and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 4/5

Overall Opinion – 3.5/5

P.S. This movie is the first of a series based on the video game with the same name.

Movie Trailer:

My Little Eye (2002)

Number Rolled: 72

Movie Name/Year: My Little Eye (2002)

Genre: Horror

Length: 95 minutes

Rating: R

Director: Marc Evans

Writer: David Hilton, James Watkins

Actors: Sean CW Johnson, Kris Lemche, Stephen ‘Reilly, Laura Regan, Jennifer Sky, Bradley Cooper, Nick Mennell

In the age of reality television shows, this movie was made to depict five people who sign up to live in a house for six months without outside contact. The great prize is a million dollars, but only if they all remain in the house for the entire time. If one person leaves, they all lose. We come in on the story only a few days before the six month period is up and find that they are all coping just fine. At least, at that point.

The first forty-five minutes of this movie is unbearable. Unnecessary shaky cam, unnecessary blurred angles, boring script. In fact, it’s a bit like watching the uncut footage of an actual reality show. Imagine it, if you will, just a play by play of the actors eating and going to the bathroom and sleeping and talking about nothing. No drama, no horror, nothing worth watching until just about the half-way point in the movie. To be honest, this movie would have been much more successful if they’d cut about a half hour of footage out of it.

Once I got past that terrible first half, the movie started to pick up; there were interesting twist, character development, and the horror aspect started to take effect. I loved the middle and the ending a great deal.

It’s weird. I don’t know if the amazing second half of the movie was enough to overpower the horrible first half. In fact, the balance is so strange that I can even decide if I liked the movie at all. There were equal parts bad and good. I can’t even go to the actors to decide, because they were mostly all mediocre. I love Kris Lemche, but this wasn’t his best performance. It’s like the actors did just enough to portray their characters, but not enough to truly bring them to life.

In the end, this movie failed to make me care. It even failed to make me care that I don’t care.

Overall Opinion – 2/5

Sonny (2002)

Number Rolled: 9

Movie Name/Year: Sonny (2002)

Genre: Drama

Length: 110 minutes

Rating: R

Director: Nicolas Cage

Writer: John Carlen

Actors: James Franco, Brenda Blethyn, Harry Dean Stanton, Mena Suvari, Seymour Cassel, Brenda Vaccaro, Josie Davis, Willie Metcalf, Janet Shea, Cary Wilmot Alden, Nicolas Cage, Scott Caan, Graham Timbes, Wallace Merck, Doug Barden

James Franco plays Sonny in the one and, so far, only film directed by Nicolas Cage. Sonny is a veteran just out of the army and going home. In an effort to escape his past as a prostitute, he begins to try and get a straight job. As much as he would like to become “square,” he finds it to be a much more difficult process than he initially figured. Weighing his own wants against his loyalty to his mother and the easy road against the hard, Sonny travels down a path that could change his life forever or lead him right back where he didn’t want to be.

There’s a very good reason that Nicolas Cage has only directed one film. Sonny is that reason. To be honest, I don’t know where to file this movie away in my brain. It was a little like watching porn with a lot of story line. I saw James Franco’s ass more in this movie than I saw his face. Ok, that’s a little bit of an exaggeration, but you get my point.

The storyline wasn’t terrible. There are a lot of movies depicting prostitutes wanting out of the business, but just taking that lead role and twisting it to be from a male perspective is relatively unique. I would have liked it more if it weren’t quite so predictable. The ending was amazing, though. It reminded me a bit of In Bruges.

I’m not a spectacularly big James Franco fan. In fact, I tend to prefer his underrated brother, Dave Franco. That being said, I don’t think any other actor could have come as close to saving this movie as J. Franco did. His depiction of emotional turmoil kept me from hating the movie as much as I could have.

If you’re a fan of the actors or the director, it’s not a bad movie to watch once. It’s got some good parts, but I wouldn’t expect anything more than mediocre from it.

Overall Opinion – 3/5

Addendum – I was discussing this movie with a friend. She’d asked me what movie I watched for tonight’s blog. I told her and she said she hadn’t seen it until I said, “The one and only movie directed by Nicolas Cage starring James Franco’s butt.” Immediately she recognized it, asked me if that was the movie where he played a prostitute and said, “it was… special….” Take that as you will.

Treasure Planet (2002)

Number Rolled: 89

Movie Name/Year: Treasure Planet (2002)

Genre: Children & Family

Length: 95 minutes

Rating: PG

Director: Ron Clements, John Musker

Writer: Robert Louis Stevenson, Ron Clements, John Musker, Rob Edwards, Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio

Actors: Roscoe Lee Browne, Corey Burton, Dane A. Davis, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Tony Jay, Austin Majors, Patrick McGoohan, Michael McShane, Laurie Metcalf, Brian Murray, David Hyde Pierce, Martin Short, Emma Thompson, Michael Wincott

What do you get when you cross Treasure Island with a Science Fiction universe? You get Treasure Planet. A young boy grows up reading pirate stories, but starts acting out when his father abandons him and his mother. After many instances of trouble with the law, his mother is fed up. Of course, that’s before he brings a dying man into the house that brings with him a heap of trouble. When it all comes down to a map that may, or may not, lead to the very same Treasure Planet the boy grew up reading about; a family friend convinces his mother that it would be character building for him to go.

Oh, and this all takes place in space.

I don’t care how old you are. Sometimes you just need something light-hearted and innocent. On those days, a Disney movie will almost always hit the spot. Made in the form of cartoons that stimulate a child’s imagination, these movies usually have plenty of references and subtle jokes for the adults in the audience. This movie definitely fits that description. With references to Star Trek and Jaws (among other things) and an in depth story line, this movie is something that could engross people of any age.

I always feel a little disappointed when I watch a Disney movie with no original music. Yeah, we don’t NEED to watch pirates spontaneously burst into song, but Disney’s had singing clock in the past! Alright, if I get past my strange desire to watch anamorphic creations erupt into musical numbers, I can admit that the movie really didn’t need it. It was a spectacular film.

After watching this movie, I am left wondering what other childhood favorites I’d love to see cross genres. Imagine “Black Beauty” as a horror film or “The Secret Garden” as a fantasy. I believe fiercely in the protection of our creations. Star Wars and Indiana Jones are awesome, they don’t need refurbishing. However, I also believe in using our past creations to shape the future. In other words, I’m fully capable of believing that something like “Treasure Planet” can exist in the same breath as “Treasure Island” without cheapening the original story. It wasn’t made to replace the original, just to exist beside it as another option.

For the record, I teared up at one point near the end enough that I actually made fun of myself. Take that as you will.

Overall Opinion – 5/5

Snake Island (2002)

Number Rolled: 7

Movie Name/Year: Snake Island (2002)

Genre: Action & Adventure

Length: 97 minutes

Rating: R

Director: Wayne Crawford

Writer: Wayne Crawford, Arthur Payne

Actors: William Katt, Wayne Crawford, Kate Connor, Russel Savadier, Dawn Matthews, Milan Murray, Jason Kennett, Japan Mthembu, Nicola Hanekom, Seth Zweli Zimu, Rohan Coll, Jonathan Taylor, Ben Kruger, Bob Miles, Amo Naude, Philip Moore, Roberto Concina

A group of tourists are on their way to a resort when they must make a pit-stop at a place called Snake Island. Two people on the boat are set to disembark there. A snake falls onto the boat and chaos ensues because no one is smart enough to just get the hell off the boat. The boat is wrecked and the tourists are stranded for what is supposed to be an overnight stay. Seeing as this is a snake movie, you can guess what happened next.

Of course, you can’t guess that it’s not going to happen until halfway into the movie. I’m telling you, it was like watching paint dry. Writing the description bored me so much I took two breaks during that one paragraph. I’ve never been so happy for a movie to end.

Truth is, I like bad movies. Last week, I did a review on “Mega Shark versus Crocosaurus” and gave it a poor review because it was bad. However, you can bet your balls that I was dying laughing throughout most of it. It was one of those movies that was so bad, I couldn’t help but laugh at it. “Snake Island” was so bad that I think my brain stopped working for a couple of minutes.

I think I chuckled twice, but most of the movie was spent trying not to look at the clock and keep an open mind.

Don’t waste your time.

Overall Opinion – .5/5

XXX (2002)

Number Rolled: 27

Movie Name/Year: XXX (2002)

Genre: Action & Adventure

Length: 132 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Director: Rob Cohen

Writer: Rich Wilkes

Actors: Vin Diesel, Asia Argento, Marton Csokas, Samuel L. Jackson, Michael Roof, Richy Muller, Werner Daehn, Petr Jakl, Jan Pavel Filipensky, Tom Everett, Danny Trejo, Thomas Ian Griffith, Eve, Tony Hawk

XXX is about as action-filled as action movies get. Exactly what else do you expect from a Vin Diesel casted film, though?

A daredevil internet sensation falls into some trouble after earning his third strike. He’s whisked away by a government agency, tested and then offered a free pass on jail if he completes a mission. He accepts the deal and goes ahead to attempt to bring down Anarchy 99, a Russian crime ring.

There’s not a huge amount of depth to the storyline and lots of movies have done this brand of story before and since XXX came out, some have even done it a lot better. It’s not the most intellectually stimulating movie out there, but sometimes that’s just not what you’re going to be looking for. Sometimes it’s just about getting lost in another world where you can watch amazing action sequences and lose yourself in the imagery of it. At least, that’s how it is for me. I love a movie that challenges me and makes me think, but I also like the movies that are creatively done to highlight the action behind the story. Whether it’s for background noise, or because I had a bad day and just want to watch shit get blown up, this would be a damn good movie.

I’m not the biggest fan of Vin Diesel’s acting, usually, but I thought his flat-snarkiness really fit his character and it presented some laughs during the movie. As much as I enjoyed him, however, I enjoyed his co-star, Asia Argento, a lot more. She played a relatively stereotypical character, but she did it with finesse.

The one glaring issue I really had with this movie was the forced love story aspect. Now, if you know me and you’ve read some of my blogs up until now, you’ll know that I love a good romance. You’ll also know that one of my biggest pet peeves with movies is when they force the romance between characters where the movie just would have been done better without it. Let’s call that the Bloodrayne philosophy from now on.

Overall Opinion – 3.5/5

Blue Crush (2002)

Number Rolled: 62

Movie Name/Year: Blue Crush (2002)

Genre: Drama

Length: 104 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Director: John Stockwell

Writer: Susan Orlean, Lizzy Weiss, John Stockwell

Actors: Kate Bosworth, Matthew Davis, Michelle Rodriguez, Sanoe Lake, Mika Boorem, Chris Taloa, Kala Alexander, Ruben Tejada, Kaupena Miranda, Asa Aquino, Faizon Love

Blue Crush was one of those ok movies that’s amazingly mediocre and just like every other rags to riches sports movie out there. Alright. The movie didn’t suck. It was just… un-imaginative, un-eventful, un-suspenseful and … well… do I need to go on?

This is a perfect example of a writer and director playing it safe. It’s a storyline enough people can relate to that it’ll make at least some money, and the girls are pretty enough that a guy isn’t going to immediately say no to going to that specific chick-flick with his girl. The most interesting part of the movie was about 5 minutes long when a maid yells at a football player about being a pig. Funny as hell. The rest? Well it makes decent white noise for the background if you hate studying in the silence.

Overall Opinion – 2/5

Comic Book Villains (2002)

Number Rolled: 77

Movie Name/Year: Comic Book Villains (2002)

Genre: Comedy

Length: 93 minutes

Rating: R

Director: James Robinson

Writer: James Robinson

Actors: Donal Logue, Cary Elwes, Michael Rapaport, Natasha Lyonne, DJ Qualls, Eileen Brennan, Monet Mazur, Danny Masterson, James Duval, Marshall Bell, Chris Weber

Wait a minute. Wait just one minute here. I added this to the instant queue because the description looked amusing. Within the first ten minutes, however, I wound up staring at the TV wondering why I had never heard of this movie before. The cast are all well known enough and one is even a household name in geek circles. Circles I travel in. I mean, Cary Elwes? Really?

Get a load of this: Cary Elwes, Donal Logue, Michael Rapaport, DJ Qualls, Eileen Brennan, James Duval, Danny Masterson and Natasha Lyonne. Even though the majority weren’t the stars of their flicks/shows the faces are instantly recognizable. I feel as though I should have heard of this movie before Netflix.

As for how it was? I thought it was a bit out of control. Like someone with ADD wrote it. I can sympathize. Before editing, my books look like they were written by an eight year old. Organization is key. I lost that key a long time ago.

Although it had that rushed and out of control quality, I thought it was very good. It certainly hit on just how obsessive collectors can get, and just how rare it is for anyone but those collectors to realize how much those items are worth. It’s a bit more violent than one would initially suspect, but every bit as realistic as it could be in real life. It’s a frightening thought.

In the end? I never want to see that many comics floating in a lake again.

Overall Opinion – 3.5/5

Chicago (2002)

Number Rolled: 36

Movie Name/Year: Chicago (2002)

Genre: Music & Musical

Length: 113 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Director: Rob Marshall

Writer: Bill Condon, Bob Fosse, Fred Ebb, Maurine Dallas Watkins

Actors: Renee Zellweger, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Richard Gere, Queen Latifah, John C. Reilly, Christine Baranski, Taye Diggs, Dominic West, Lucy Liu, Denise Faye, Colm Feore, Deirdre Goodwin, Mya, Susan Misner, Ekaterina Chtchelkanova

Chances are, if you haven’t seen some version of this movie, you’ve still heard a song or two. Maybe caught a quote from somewhere. There is no doubt that the script and base of Chicago is a classic. Attractive women dancing in near-nothing and killing jerks – all to a catchy musical score? What’s not to like?

Personally, I liked Catherine Zeta-Jones much better than Renee Zellweger. For the basic casting, her body type is just better for the time the script is supposed to be set in. I also think she has a better range throughout the movie where Zellweger has her moments but is otherwise flat.

I wish I had something to compare this version to. I’d love to say I’ve seen it on Broadway or in one of the older movie adaptations, unfortunately I haven’t. After seeing this one, however, I will. It may have had its flatter parts, but I still absolutely loved it.

Overall Opinion – 4/5