Law Abiding Citizen (2009)

Movie Name/Year: Law Abiding Citizen (2009)
Tagline: Justice At Any Cost
Genre: Thriller, Crime, Drama
Length: 108 minutes
Rating: R
Production Companies: Warp Films, G-BASE, The Film Department, Evil Twins
Producers: Gerard Butler, Lucas Foster, Dave Gare, Mark Gill, Michael Goguen, Robert Katz, Neil Sacker, Alan Siegel, Gregory Veeser, Ian Watermeier, Jeff G. Waxman, Kurt Wimmer
Director: F. Gary Gray
Writer: Kurt Wimmer
Actors: Jamie Foxx, Gerard Butler, Colm Meaney, Bruce McGill, Leslie Bibb, Michael Irby, Gregory Itzin, Regina Hall, Viola Davis

Blurb from Netflix: A horrific crime leaves a family man shattered. When the system fails him, he only has one option.

Cat’s Point of View:

I’ll be upfront with you. This wasn’t my first watch-through of this movie. I first saw it closer to the timeframe it was in theaters. I remember that first viewing left me somewhat stunned at the brutality, and it certainly had sucked me in with the story.

At this point, the Saw (2004) franchise was well under way. Audiences that followed that series of movies, or those like it, might not have experienced this film with the same gut-punch. The thing is, this movie wasn’t marketed as a horror. (I believed it when I read that the film nearly got a NC-17 rating until they scaled back…just a little.) I’d say most viewers got a little bit more than they bargained for when signing on for a Crime Drama-Thriller. Though, it didn’t quite go to the same horrific extremes as the torture-porn franchises or even more low-key properties on that spectrum such as Untraceable (2008).

I’m completely unsurprised that the movie appealed to audiences far more than the critics. If you’re thinking about it too hard, some of the story is a bit hard to swallow. If you’re just along for the ride, it’s easier to sink in to the experience.

The scenarios within the film weren’t much easier to take the second time around. It opens with a real gut-punch that doesn’t really lose impact with a single repetition… the situation is just horrible. I don’t want to spoil anything so I really have to dance around it. The movie’s a bit heavy-handed in the way the story tries to point out flaws in the broken ‘System.’

At the same time, the dynamic between Gerard Butler (Gamer, Olympus Has Fallen, The Vanishing) and Jamie Foxx (The Soloist, Django Unchained, Baby Driver) was really enjoyable. Their back and forth makes the movie, really. 

I’m not sure that I’d give this movie a third watch-through, but that’s primarily because of the overall punch to the feels. I would strongly recommend avoiding watching this one with younger audiences, for sure. Other than that, It wasn’t bad. 

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 26%
Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 75%
Metascore - 34/100
Metacritic User Score – 7/10
IMDB Score – 7.4/10

Trust the Dice: Cat’s Rating – 3.5/5

Movie Trailer:

The Unborn (2009)

Number Rolled: 50

Movie Name/Year: The Unborn (2009)

Tagline: Evil will do anything to live.

Genre: Drama, Horror, Mystery

Length: 87 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Production Companies: Rogue Pictures, Platinum Dunes, Phantom Four, Relativity Media

Producer: Michael Bay, William S. Beasley, Jessika Borsiczky, Andrew Form, Bradley Fuller

Director: David S. Goyer

Writer: David S. Goyer

Actors: Odette Annabel, Gary Oldman, Cam Gigandet, Meagan Good, Idris Elba, Jane Alexander, Atticus Shaffer, James Remar, Carla Gugino, C.S. Lee, Rhys Coiro, Michael Sassone, Ethan Cutkosky

Stunt Doubles: Nicole Callender, Marie Fink, Carl Paoli, Dave Pope, Deep Roy, Jeff Shannon, Jodi Starnes, Mark Steger, Rich Wilkie

Blurb from Netflix: Tortured by frightening dreams at night and a young boy’s ghost during the day, a teen turns to a spiritual adviser for help in this eerie thriller.

Selina’s Point of View:

A friend of mine warned me about this film about a year or two ago.

I can handle a lot in my horror films. Torture sequences don’t do much to me, neither do most jump scares. I have an issue with eyes and I have an issue with fetuses. Between the two of them, there was a lot for my friend to warn me about. Many of the horror scenes were based around my particular issues, which made this an incredibly difficult film for me to watch.

In general, if I didn’t have my particular brand of issues, I wouldn’t say it was all that different on the fear factor level than any other non-found-footage paranormal movie out there. It was mostly jump scares. Pretty much Exorcism 101.

The graphics, however, were kind of cool. There were a few things that could have looked corny, but they wound up having a more realistic touch to them that kept me from rolling my eyes.

There were some scenes that I feel didn’t made sense in the context of the story… and that did pull me out of it just a little bit. Not enough to dislike the movie, but enough to keep me from really being wowed.

Altogether, I’d say it’s a strong supernatural thriller with horror components. I might think to recommend it to someone with taste that goes in that direction.

Cat’s Point of View:

When you think of Michael Bay (I Am Number Four, Pain & Gain, Black Sails), it doesn’t exactly bring the horror genre to mind. There were no explosions or any of the other tropes that he’s well-known for. Then again, he was just a producer for this film.

The writing and directing credits go to the brilliant David S. Goyer (Batman Begins, The Invisible, Da Vinci's Demons). His body of work proves that he has a firm grasp on things dark and disturbing – things this film had in spades.

Seriously, there are a couple of scenes that will likely give me nightmares – again.

That’s right. Again. This wasn’t the first time I’ve watched this movie. It was more like the third or fourth time. I can’t remember which, but does it really matter? I was fairly giddy when the dice gave it to us this time. It doesn’t get old for me.

The creep-factor is real.

Unlike the film we reviewed for you last, this movie draws you into a cohesive story with interesting and engaging characters. For a minute, you might look at the young people and roll your eyes a bit with an ‘it’s going to be one of THOSE’ feeling – but then it takes a jog to the left. These, for the most part, weren’t flat stereotypes.

Can we talk cast here? The production team pulled out the big guns with Gary Oldman (Planet 51, The Book of Eli, Darkest Hour) and Idris Elba (No Good Deed, Beasts of No Nation, Molly's Game). You can look on IMDb and clearly see that Odette Annable (Cloverfield, House, The Truth About Lies) is a busy lady, as well. I can certainly see why. I’d have to say that it’s not often that a character in a movie simultaneously brings the thoughts ‘awww’ and ‘holy shit’ to mind; but Cam Gigandet (Pandorum, Easy A, Red Sky) pulled that one off here with his role as Mark.

If you’re looking for a solid movie with some roots in folklore and seriously creeptastic content, give this one a shot.

Languages

Speech Available: English

Subtitles Available: English

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 10%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 30%

Metascore - 30/100

Metacritic User Score – 5.1/10

IMDB Score – 4.8/10

Trust the Dice: Selina’s Rating – 3/5

Trust the Dice: Cat’s Rating – 4/5

Movie Trailer:

Knowing (2009)

Number Rolled: 87

Movie Name/Year: Knowing (2009)

Tagline: Knowing is everything…

Genre: Science Fiction, Thriller, Mystery

Length: 122 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Production Companies: Summit Entertainment, Escape Artists, Mystery Clock Cinema, Goldcrest Pictures, Kaplan / Perrone Entertainment, Wintergreen Productions

Producer: Todd Black, David J. Bloomfield, Jason Blumenthal, Topher Dow, Norman Golightly, Stephen Jones, Aaron Kaplan, Ryne Douglas Pearson, Sean Perrone, Alex Proyas, Steve Tisch

Director: Alex Proyas

Writer: Ryne Douglas Pearson, Juliet Snowden, Stiles White

Actors: Nicolas Cage, Chandler Canterbury, Rose Byrne, Lara Robinson, D.G. Maloney, Nadia Townsend, Alan Hopgood, Adrienne Pickering, Joshua Long, Danielle Carter, Alethea McGrath, David Lennie, Ben Mendelsohn, Gareth Yuen, Liam Hemsworth

Stunt Doubles: Eddie Yansick

Languages

Speech Available: English, Brazilian Portuguese, Spanish

Subtitles Available: English, Brazilian Portuguese, Spanish

Blurb from Netflix: An MIT astrophysics professor and his son unearth a string of numbers from a time capsule that seem to reveal a cataclysm that will wipe out humanity.

Selina’s Point of View:

I had some knowledge of this film before I saw it. I had seen bits and pieces of the ending, but I saw it out of context so I can’t really say I was spoiled. Never-the-less, it was enough information for me to be able to suss out the ending pretty quickly. I will say that if I hadn’t seen those minor spoilers, I wouldn’t have been able to predict much at all.

Knowing had a really interesting premise, but that wasn’t the part I enjoyed the most. I rather enjoyed the execution of the plot. I mean, plenty of films have the same basic premise, but this one puts a spin on it that I rarely see.

I’m not surprised by the bad reviews that I’ve read about this film, however. The films that take the route Knowing took tend to get pretty rough reviews. It doesn’t matter who’s in the cast, how well they do, who the director is, or anything else; critics hate this kind of film. It’s unfortunate. Because films like this leave you guessing and kind of take the safety of tropes away from the audience. Due to the films being labelled ‘unpredictable’, instead of being judged on their own merits, they’re described as Shymalanesk and shrugged off.

That’s what I saw people say about this film. Quite frankly, I do not believe it felt like an M. Night Shyamalan (The Village, Devil, Lady in the Water) film. There was a twist, yes, but not one that was out of the realm of possibility. It wasn’t from far over in left field, there was ample fore-shadowing. If I had been more interested in guessing what came next than letting myself get engulfed in the film, I probably would have figured it out.

Aside from that, there were a lot of biblical references. None that I can really bring up by name without ruining the film, however. Personally, I liked the film’s basic interpretation of those references. I understood what they were talking about, but didn’t feel slapped in the face by them.

I wasn’t completely impressed with the acting. Most of it was good, but there were parts that left me wanting. I feel like it wasn’t entirely the cast’s fault, though. It’s tough making a grown-up film with kid actors. Sometimes they just don’t fully comprehend the content which makes it difficult for them to figure out what would be realistic acting in that situation.

When it comes down to it, even with the flaws, I enjoyed this film. I’d watch it again.

Cat’s Point of View:

Having already seen Nicholas Cage (The Wicker Man, Trespass, The Trust) in his future-predicting role in Next (2007), I wasn’t sure I was going to encounter anything new in this movie. There were some distinct differences, however, that set this movie apart from the film he worked on 2 years prior.

While the movie was somewhat predictable in places, I have to give it credit for being rather intense. There are some scenes that are just hard to watch. This is definitely not one to share with small children or anyone easily disturbed or distressed by graphic images. (Not the nudity kind.)

There are a handful of geeky Easter Eggs in the movie, though most of them would likely go over the average audience’s head. (I know they went right over mine – but I’m not into high math or astrophysics, either.) After you watch the movie, consider looking them up – looking back, I found them pretty neat.

There’s some shaky-cam in places that felt a bit jarring to me but it wasn’t anything that became a consistent problem.

For all that I thought I had things figured out – it’s possible that this movie could just surprise you like it did me.

I’d more than likely end up watching this again, and would recommend this one to Cage fans for sure. He’s actually pretty serious and not all loony in this one.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 34%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 42%

Netflix’s Prediction for Selina – 2.5/5

Selina’s Trust-the-Dice Score – 3.5/5

Netflix’s Prediction for Cat – 2.5/5

Cat’s Trust-the-Dice Score – 3.5/5

Movie Trailer:

The Dancer and the Thief (2009) - Foreign Film Friday

Number Rolled: 15

Movie Name/Year: The Dancer and the Thief (2009)

Tagline: None

Genre: Drama

Length: 122 minutes

Rating: NR

Production Companies: Fernando Trueba Porducciones Cinematograficas

Producer: Jessica Huppert Berman, Cristina Huete, Andres Mardones

Director: Fernando Trueba

Writer: Antonio Skarmeta, Fernando Trueba, Jonas Trueba

Actors: Ricardo Darin, Abel Ayala, Miranda Bodenhofer, Ariadna Gil, Julio Jung, Mario Guerra, Marcia Haydee, Luis Dubo, Luis Gnecco, Mariana Loyola, Gloria Munchmeyer, Gregory Cohen, Catalina Guerra, Catalina Saavedra, Sergio Hernandez, Ernesto Melbran, Samantha Sanchez, Oscar Zimmerman, Antonio Skarmata

Stunt Doubles: None

Languages

Speech Available: Spanish

Subtitles Available: English, Spanish

Blurb from Netflix: When he’s released from prison under Chile’s new general amnesty program, safecracker Vergara Grey plans to live a quiet life with his family -- until he gets caught up in the schemes of fellow con, Angel Santiago.

Selina’s Point of View:

Love. Love. LOVE this movie.

I imagine the first thing you probably noticed is that this film’s runtime is about equal to the life span of a household pet. I’m always weary when watching films that are that long.

When you have a short film, it’s alright if it sucks. Especially if you’re watching it at home and didn’t have to cut off your arm to go see it in theaters. When a film is eighty, maybe ninety, minutes it doesn’t seem like that big of a risk. You’re still in double digits and if it sucks, you blew about an hour of your life (because, let’s face it, at least 10 minutes of the ending is probably dedicated to credits). You start going into the zone of two hours or more and you go into watching it by threatening the movie: “I swear to god if I waste my time watching this shit…”

Unless you have a razor sharp attention span. In which case, I’m jealous and I kind of hate you.

The Dancer and the Thief went into the two hour mark, and the credits are very short. I went into it with my normal threat to the inanimate creation, but it didn’t matter. I got hooked very quickly and I stayed hooked.

There was a deeply intricate story line to this film and the majority of the actors portrayed it perfectly.

Miranda Bodenhofer (XXIV Premios Anuales de la Academia, De par en par, Cinema 3) was breathtaking. I believed every single minute of her performance. In fact, I believed it so much that I got legitimately pissed off whenever she got hurt. Like someone was smacking a friend of mine in the face. Abel Ayala (El marginal, Sos mi hombre, Gladiators from Pompey) reminded me a bit of Lillo Brancato (Vamp Bikers Tres, Searching for Bobby D, Renaissance Man) from A Bronx Tale (1993) – which is definitely a compliment.

Finally, there was Ricardo Darin (XXY, The Aura, Lovely Loneliness) who managed to make me truly care about his character.

This is kind of a dance genre movie, but it’s not like any dance movie I’ve ever seen before. It’s got a bit of heist, a bit of thriller, a bit of drama, and a bit of politics. If this is a recipe for an entire group of films, then I’ve never seen anything from that group.

Not only was the writing, directing, and acting very near flawless – but it had that kind of ending that I love. It’s an ending that keeps the film fresh in your mind for weeks after you’ve seen it. If you watch it with friends, you wind up debating about it. If you watch it alone, you wind up theorizing.

Phenomenal film. I highly recommend it. I didn’t even remember I was reading subtitles.

Cat’s Point of View:

This movie came from somewhere out of left field and stole my heart while I wasn’t looking.

It was a perfect storm of good casting and compelling story. I feel compelled to research the symbolism of the Andean Condor – but for why, you’ll need to watch this movie for yourself.

But seriously; I was so engrossed in the movie that I can’t really even think of a remotely negative thing to say about it. It was a little on the long side, but that wasn’t a bad thing. It made for plenty of room to develop the characters and the story arc in a way that was relatable. If I wanted to hurry it along a bit in some places it was only so I could figure out what happened next.

Ricardo Darín (The Secret in Their Eyes, 7th Floor, Black Snow) as the character Vergara Grey gave a very nuanced and understated performance. I loved that he was almost in a role of the ‘straight man’ to the bounding antics of Abel Ayala’s (Scream in the Night, The Mudboy, Permitidos) character of Angel Santiago. He breathed such life and enthusiasm into his character with seemingly endless energy. I’m reminded of old Saturday morning cartoons where an older dog is walking along and a young pup is just bouncing around him gabbing a million miles a minute in hero worship. They pulled off that dynamic without taking it in an annoying direction.

Then we come to Miranda Bodenhofer (De par en par, Cinema 3, Artaud, le Suréel y los Tarahumaras). She was an absolute dream in her role. I believe the story of her casting is something along the lines of discovery by the director as he was location scouting. He remembered seeing her dance when it came time to audition the part. She was so expressive in this challenging, mostly nonverbal role. I could have watched her dance in her own show for at least as long as this movie was.

You might be wondering why I haven’t mentioned the subtitles yet. It is my favorite thing to comment on for our Foreign Film Friday movies, after all. I saved it for last because, honestly, aside from the fact that the text was in a contrasting yellow so it was well seen, I didn’t care. I was so into the movie that I entered that zone where I was experiencing the film more than actively reading so it just didn’t register beyond my initial response at the very beginning.

I would most certainly watch this movie again – especially in hopes of figuring out any clues that might clarify the ending for me – and this is definitely something I would highly recommend.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – None

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 59%

Netflix’s Prediction for Selina – 3/5

Selina’s Trust-the-Dice Score – 5/5

Netflix’s Prediction for Cat – 3.5/5

Cat’s Trust-the-Dice Score – 4.5/5

Trust-the-Dice’s Parental Advisory Rating: R

Movie Trailer:

I Love You Phillip Morris (2009)

Number Rolled: 43

Movie Name/Year: I Love You Phillip Morris (2009)

Tagline: Do some time with the one you love.

Genre: Comedy

Length: 98 minutes

Rating: R

Production Companies: EuropaCorp, Mad Chance, Consolidated Pictures Group

Producer: Luc Besson, Linda Fields, Jeffrey Harlacker, Andrew Lazar, Richard Middleton, Far Shariat, Miri Yoon

Director: Glenn Ficarra, John Requa

Writer: John Requa, Glenn Ficarra, Steve McVicker

Actors: Jim Carrey, Ewan McGregor, Leslie Mann, Rodrigo Santoro, Antoni Corone, Brennan Brown, Michael Mandell, Annie Golden, Marylouise Burke, David Jensen, Dameon Clarke, Clay Chamberlin, Louis Herthum, Morgana Shaw, Joe Chrest, Griff Furst, Aunjanue Ellis, DeVere Jehl, Michael Showers, Beth Burvant, Lasdon Deyne, Kennon Kepper, Alyssa Tate, Andrew Sensenig, Nicholas Alexander, Maureen Brennan, Trey Burvant, Miriam Cruz, Tommy Davis

Blurb from Netflix: When a Texas cop realizes he’s gay, he changes his life and pulls con jobs that land him in jail, where he meets his one true love.

Selina’s Point of View:

I’m a huge fan of Jim Carrey (The Number 23, Mr. Popper's Penguins, Bruce Almighty), so I wasn’t overly surprised when I thought this movie was hilarious.

It was a little on that stereotypical side where gay men are concerned, but it’s based off a true story so I’m not sure how much of that was exaggerated and how much was true. That’s the problem with movies based off a true story. They could be just minorly reminiscent of what could have possibly happened, or they could be 100% accurate. They could also fall anywhere in the middle.

So, commenting on the characters themselves is a moot point. That may really be the way the characters were in real life. In the words of Bad Religion, “life is the crummiest book I ever read. There isn't a hook, just a lot of cheap shots, pictures to shock, and characters an amateur would never dream up.”

That being said, I can say that this is a story I’m glad I watched play out.

Carrey and Ewan McGregor (Son of a Gun, A Million Ways to Die in the West, Amelia) had incredible chemistry on screen and played their parts amazingly well. I was deeply invested in their characters and was thoroughly entertained. In the end, that’s what a movie is all about.

Cat’s Point of View:

Sometimes I wonder if Jim Carrey (Yes Man, A Christmas Carol, Kick Ass 2) is even real. He’s this fantastic chameleon creature that one would expect to be frolicking with unicorns – a real, living, cartoon character. I mean that in the most complimentary way possible. (Not all cartoons are for laughs, after all.)

I think he had a spectacular performance in this movie. You could just feel the gears turning in his character’s head when he was flying by the seat of his pants. The emotional range he expressed within the dynamic between the two main characters seemed genuine. I laughed and I wanted to throw things at him; but I also cried.

Of course, the other half of that duo was Ewan McGregor (Incendiary, Beginners, Jane Got a Gun). He was perfect in the role of Phillip Morris. He just exuded the good-hearted, optimistic, and naïve nature of the character. He felt like a real person, though, and not a caricature of a gay man.

Their accents were a little funny – but I could be biased due to living in the general region most of the film is supposed to be set in. There is that saying that ‘everything’s bigger in Texas.’ I suppose that can apply to accents sometimes, too.

I was surprised to find that some of this movie was actually filmed here, in Shreveport. I was invested enough in the film that I didn’t even pick up on what part it was. I’m probably going to watch it again at some point just to see.

For your random bit of trivia, I present to you that the real life Phillip Morris has a cameo in this movie in one of the court room scenes.

I thoroughly enjoyed this movie and would recommend it in a heartbeat. I’m actually quite curious for the opinions of a few friends of mine, and will be prodding them to watch it, soon!

Just for a final bit of amusement, I feel I must share that the final two items on the ‘Thank You’ list in the credits are Redbull and Xanax. I can truly say that this movie was entertaining to the very end.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 72%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 61%

Netflix’s Prediction for Selina – 4/5

Selina’s Trust-the-Dice Score – 4.5/5

Netflix’s Prediction for Cat – 2/5

Cat’s Trust-the-Dice Score – 4/5

Movie Trailer:

Adventureland (2009)

Number Rolled: 94

Movie Name/Year: Adventureland (2009)

Tagline: Long hours. Low pay. High times.

Genre: Romance

Length: 106 minutes

Rating: R

Production Companies: Miramax, Sidney Kimmel Entertainment, This Is That Productions

Executive Producer: William Horberg, Bruce Toll

Director: Greg Mottola

Writer: Greg Mottola

Actors: Jesse Eisenberg, Kelsey Ford, Michael Zegen, Ryan McFarland, Jack Gilpin, Wendie Malick, Matt Bush, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, Martin Starr, Kristen Stewart, Ryan Reynolds, Margarita Levieva, Josh Pais, Mary Birdsong

James is used to not having to worry about money. When his father is demoted, however, he’s forced to put aside his hopes for a European vacation and an ivy league college and take up a job at a theme park.

Selina’s Point of View:

I’m a fan of Ryan Reynolds (Self/less, R.I.P.D., Green Lantern), so I’ve been interested in Adventureland for a while. To be honest, I also wanted to see how Kristen Stewart (American Ultra, Camp X-Ray, Still Alice) would do in a movie that wasn’t a crapfest of sparkly vampires. I really haven’t seen much of her in other parts, so I’m curious.

To be honest, I don’t think this was Reynold’s best work. His performance was a little flat. That could be what was called for in order to portray his character well, but he came off as boring to me.

Stewart, on the other hand, was a pleasant surprise. She wasn’t bad and it makes me wonder if she got her reputation for being so emotionless because she had to be to pull off the vapid and depthless character of Bella. She’s not the most amazing actress to ever grace the silver screen, but I don’t think she deserves the hate that she gets. In the case of any actor involved in the Twilight series: blame the writer, not the actor.

The movie was weird. Not a bad weird, just weird. I think that’s the general effect of starring Jesse Eisenberg (American Ultra, Now You See Me, The Social Network). He’s got the most spectacularly punchable face and he pulls off super awkward more than any other actor except, maybe, Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Kick-Ass, Neighbors, Fright Night).

I think the real issue, is that you have to be into movies like this to really enjoy Adventureland. It’s not exactly a movie for people just dipping their toe into the genre. It’s very geared toward teenage romance with just a little drama. I tend to prefer movies that involve a lot of anticipation and that make my heart jump. I’ve seen some romances that could do it, but not this one.

It wasn’t bad, and I’d even recommend it to some people. It’s just not for everyone.

Cat’s Point of View:

To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was going to like this film. I’m not the biggest fan of Jesse Eisenberg (The Hunting Party, Rio, Night Moves). I do enjoy a handful of his movies, though. I was hoping that this movie might have comedy on par with his performance in Zombieland (2009).

Then, take into consideration Kristen Stewart (Into the Wild, Jumper, The Runaways). She is excellent in portraying morose and flustered. Her performance in the movies she is most noted for is rather one-note on that level.

Further, what was up with Ryan Reynolds (Safe House, The Croods, Woman in Gold) and the last mention in the opening credits? I digress. That really doesn’t have any bearing on the film, itself, after all.

Survey says? I bought what this movie was selling 106 minutes of nostalgia. This flick took me back to a time when we had a small amusement park in town when I was growing up. Sadly, it closed in the 90’s after a tornado literally bent the Ferris wheel in half.

Can we also talk about Em’s car??? It was a Pacer, of all things. The first car I remember my parents owning was a silver Pacer. For unrelated extra credit – can you name other movies that little bubble car has appeared in?

I must give kudos to the music department for this movie. The soundtrack selection was well timed within the film, and was a crazy eclectic mix. There were 41 songs from the 1980’s packed into this film. The Cure made an appearance, in addition to David Bowie, The Rolling Stones, Judas Priest, Whitesnake, and the Replacements – just to name a few. See if you can catch all the Easter eggs involving The Velvet Underground.

Sonic landscape aside, the movie was relatable. I liked the performances by Eisenberg and Stewart more than I thought I would. Their connection was there, and I didn’t feel like I was watching automatons.

Brace yourself for the bad pun – I enjoyed the emotional roller-coaster. It wasn’t a huge one that had me crying or clutching my chest or anything, but I did feel something.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 88%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 60%

Netflix’s Prediction for Selina – 4/5

Selina’s Trust-the-Dice Score – 3/5

Netflix’s Prediction for Cat – 3/5

Cat’s Trust-the-Dice Score – 3.5/5

P.S. There’s a commercial for the Adventureland theme park seen in the movie near the middle of the credits. There are also some very familiar names in the “Special Thanks” portion.

Movie Trailer:

The Human Centipede: First Sequence (2009)

Number Rolled: 39

Movie Name/Year: The Human Centipede: First Sequence (2009)

Tagline: 100% medically accurate

Genre: Horror

Length: 91 minutes

Rating: NR

Production Companies: Six Entertainment

Executive Producer: Ilona Six

Director: Tom Six

Writer: Tom Six

Actors: Dieter Laser, Ashley C. Williams, Ashlynn Yennie, Akihiro Kitamura, Andreas Leupold, Peter Blankenstein, Bernd Kostrau, Rene de Wit

Two girls are visiting Germany and decide to head to a club. After getting a flat tire, they come upon a house where a man creepily asks them if they’re alone, they say yes and go inside.

Selina’s Point of View:

There have been very few movies made that I’ve looked forward to seeing less than this.

Actually, now that I think about it? There aren’t any.

I blame Cat completely for this one. Sure, she had never heard of it and thought it would be a creature feature, I still blame her.

I didn’t want to see this film. The premise alone made me shake my head. The movie is even worse than the premise. From acting to writing, this film is terrible. It’s not even the kind of bad that could be laughed at. It was bad and boring.

Congratulations Human Centipede, I think you are the worst film I’ve ever seen. Seriously? I’d watch House of the Dead, the Uwe Boll version, twice over before I watched this one again.

If you’re curious, there’s an episode of Tosh.O that tells the entire story. It was more entertaining than the film. Go watch that instead.

Cat’s Point of View:

This film squarely falls into the category of ‘Things That Cannot be Unseen.’ What aisle is the brain bleach on, again?

At first, I thought this might be some sort of mad-science creature feature. My mind’s eye painted the picture of some mutated creature terrorizing…someone. The reality of this film was a far cry from my imaginings. My guess was practically a flight of fancy through a field of unicorns in comparison to what I watched.

The trailer pretty much gives most of the plot away, though. If you have a high threshold for things absolutely disgusting, and want to be surprised; don’t watch it.

It felt like someone took The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996) and Hostel (2005), threw them in a blender, and then splattered the resulting mess all over the room.

I can’t tell you how many times I felt like I might just vomit, as the film progressed. I lost count.

The acting was hot and cold for me. Undeniably, Dieter Laser (Baltic Storm, I Am the Other Woman, The Human Centipede III:Final Sequence) gave a fantastic performance of being entirely off his rocker.

I do feel I need to give credit to Ashley C. Williams (Empty, Paranormal Movie, Julia), Ashlynn Yennie (American Maniacs, Fractured, The Scribbler),  and Akihiro Kitamura (I'll Be There With You, It's a Beautiful Day, Tokyo Tribe). Their roles took a lot of guts; due to such awkward situations to be stuck in day in and day out of filming. (It had to be that, or desperation.)

I will never watch this film again. Further, I strongly encourage that anyone whom cannot deal with scat in films stay as far from this movie as possible.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 49%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 25%

Netflix’s Prediction for Selina – 1.5/5

Selina’s Trust-the-Dice Score – 0/5

Netflix’s Prediction for Cat – 1.5/5

Cat’s Trust-the-Dice Score – 1/5

The Random Rating: R

Movie Trailer:

Dare (2009)

Number Rolled: 70

Movie Name/Year: Dare (2009)

Genre: Thriller (wtf, really Netflix? Who was high when they determined this?)

Length: 90 minutes

Rating: R

Production Companies: Next Wednesday Productions, Gigantic Pictures

Producers: David Brind, Jason Orans, Mary Jane Skalski

Director: Adam Salky

Writer: David Brind

Actors: Emmy Rossum, Cady Huffman, Ashley Springer, Matthew Garrick, Brianne Berkson, Lucy McMichael, Annie Hibbs, Zach Gilford, Chris Riggi, Rooney Mara, Alan Cumming, Emily McNamara, Suzanne Savoy, Adam Fleming, Ana Gasteyer, Wayne Pyle, David Brind, Brea Bee, Sandra Bernhard, Michael Braun

Alexa Walker wants to be an actress. When her drama club is set to perform in front of a Broadway star, she gets to work to try and ensure she’ll stand out. Unfortunately, her drama partner Johnny Drake, seems to have no interest in putting in any effort at all. Luckily, her best friend Ben Berger is there to help her through it.

It may sound like a coming-of-age comedy, but don’t be fooled. In the interest of avoiding spoilers wherever possible, I only describe the beginning of the movie in The Random Review, not the plot.

This film definitely took a dramatic left turn after the start. Considering it’s labeled a thriller, I thought that left turn would bring us somewhere dark and pulse-racing. Somewhere, you know, thrilling. In fact, the whole reason I added the movie to my list was because the comedy-plot came with a “thriller” genre. I thought that was unique. Instead, Dare is a drama. Someone was on acid when they decided it was thriller.

I want to say the mislabeling is why I didn’t like the movie, but I can’t.

The plot was scattered. Showing some story from each of the main character’s perspective would have been a good idea, if it had been done right. For instance, The Rules of Attraction also showed the story from several different perspectives. Unlike Dare, they managed to do it in a way that heightened the viewing experience. This film just felt broken.

Not only that, but there was no ending.

The Sopranos ended mid-word, but it left viewers with a general idea of where it was going; enough to offer debate. Dare seemed to end before the final scene. No questions are answered. There is no payoff. There’s not even the illusion of payoff.

Dare got the extra “.5” for one reason.

The actors weren’t bad. Emmy Rossum (Shameless, You’re Not You, The Day After Tomorrow) and Ashley Springer (Teeth, The Wolf of Wall Street, The Visitor) made their characters very convincing. It was Zach Gilford (The Mob Doctor, Friday Night Lights, Super), however, that really took his character to the next level. He brought so much life to Johnny Drake, that it made me angrier that there was no ending. I needed to know the rest of his story and wound up with a teaser that led to nothing. 

Ugh.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 64%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 34%

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 2.6/5

Trust-the-Dice Score – 1.5/5

P.S. Not a thriller. Seriously. I can’t say it enough.

Movie Trailer:

Kill Theory (2009)

Number Rolled: 12

Movie Name/Year: Kill Theory (2009)

Genre: Horror

Length: 85 minutes

Rating: R

Affiliated Companies: BenderSpink, Cross River Pictures, Element Films, Last Resort Productions, Lift Films

Executive Producer: Kimberly Anderson, Matt Battaglia, Sam Nazarian, Malcolm Petal, Marc Schaberg, J.C. Spink, Cory Thabit

Director: Chris Moore

Writer: Kelly Palmer

Actors: Dom McManus, Ryanne Duzich, Teddy Dunn, Daniel Franzese, Agnes Bruckner, Patrick John Flueger, Steffi Wickens, Theo Rossi, Taryn Manning, Kevin Gage, Trever O’Brien

A group of teens ready to graduate from college take a vacation to a friend’s second home to celebrate. All they’re interested in for the weekend is sex and alcohol. While they’re having fun, there’s someone out there looking to test them in ways they can’t imagine.

Have you ever seen that commercial?

Congratulations, you’ve just watched the first 45 minutes of Kill Theory in less than a minute. At least, that’s what it felt like to me. I couldn’t stop thinking about that commercial for the majority of the film.

For the rest of the movie, I was just kind of looking forward to it ending.

I want to be clear. The actors were amazing in their parts. Daniel Franzese (Mean Girls, I Spit On Your Grave, War of the Worlds), Theo Rossi (Sons of Anarchy, Cloverfield, Meth Head), Ryanne Duzich (Friday Night Lights), Teddy Dunn (Veronica Mars, Jumper, The Manchurian Candidate) and Patrick Flueger (Chicago P.D., Footloose, The 4400) threw themselves head first into their characters. Unfortunately, someone should have checked just how deep their characters ran before they jumped. You risk concussions when you jump into bodies that shallow.

Ok, yeah, that was a pretentious paragraph. You know what? There was more depth in that paragraph than in all the characters combined. The actors can be as amazing as they want; sometimes the writing just brings everything down anyway.

The only things that kept this movie from being completely unwatchable were those members of the cast who were exceptional with what they were given.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – None

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 27%

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 4.3/5

Trust-the-Dice Score – 2/5

P.S. Netflix indicates that Edwin Hodge is in this movie. He’s not.

Movie Trailer:

Dread (2009)

Number Rolled: 3

Movie Name/Year: Dread (2009)

Genre: Horror

Length: 94 minutes

Rating: R

Director: Anthony DiBlasi

Writer: Clive Barker, Anthony DiBlasi

Actors: Jackson Rathbone, Hanne Steen, Laura Donnelly, Jonathan Readwin, Shaun Evans, Vivian Gray, Carl McCrystal, Derek Lea, Siobhan Hewlett, Kieran Murphy

Two college students, Stephen and Quaid, bond over a cigarette after class. After hanging out, they decide to work together with another classmate, Cheryl; using a fear study for their joint thesis. As they interview people about their deepest fears, they begin to see each other’s own dark pasts.

This film was harrowing. Not immediately, but sometime around the middle, “Dread” truly began living up to its name. I have some theories as to why I found this film so terrifying and heart-stopping, but they’re just theories. I’ve watched torture porns of all shapes and sizes without blinking an eye. Hell, I’ve done some consulting work at a morgue. However, when this movie finally reached its climax, I found it almost difficult to watch. Not because it was bad, but because the fear it instilled in me was something I haven’t felt, while watching a movie, since I was a little girl.

A lot of horror movies rely on shock factor and gore in order to elicit emotions from viewers. “Dread” does have gore, and there’s a minor amount of shock, but for the most part you’re told exactly what’s going to happen. In this instance, it doesn’t cheapen the story. In fact, knowing what’s coming makes it even more difficult to handle.

For little known actors, I though the main characters were amazing. Shaun Evans is creepy. He’s supposed to be creepy in the film, and he pulls it off well. More than once he made me shiver a little.

“Dread” wasn’t what I expected it to be. The blurb Netflix offered really didn’t do it justice. I’m glad that I got to see it before it expires on 3/1/14.

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 3.6/5

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – None

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 45%

Trust-the-Dice Score – 3.5/5

Movie Trailer: I posted the trailer because I always do, but I recommend it not be watched first. Apparently some editors have decided that spoilers are the best way to make people see a movie. 

Stay Cool (2009)

Number Rolled: 68

Movie Name/Year: Stay Cool (2009)

Genre: Independent

Length: 93 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Director: Michael Polish

Writer: Mark Polish

Actors: Winona Ryder, Mark Polish, Sean Astin, Hilary Duff, Josh Holloway, Jon Cryer, Chevy Chase, Jessica St. Clair, Frances Conroy, Marc Blucas, Dee Wallace, Joanna Cassidy, Michael Gross, Ken Johnson, Jessica Schatz, Scott Michael Campbell

Henry McCarthy has been called back to his home town in order to give a commencement speech to the high school graduating class. As a best-selling author, he has enough clout to warrant the honor. When he gets back home, he finds a lot of his old teenage issues creeping up on him; bullying, unrequited love and the ire of a great many people.

If I were to judge “Stay Cool” by the cover, I would write it off as just another romantic comedy that wishes it was from the 90’s. Even just the existence of some of the starring actors in the movie would lead me to the same conclusion. I’m glad I don’t judge movies like that, though, because I thought this film was adorable.

I will grant that there were some very over-the-top characters and that it went out of its way to follow a recipe the majority of the time, but I don’t think it was really a bad thing in this case. When the Polish brothers decided to go with a PG-13 rating, I think they made a very good choice. Yes, in the R-rated version there would have been more sex and drugs to draw in viewers, but it would have compromised the quality of the film. At the current rating it forced the audience to focus on the story, which was highly relatable. At first, I didn’t enjoy it but it got better and better as the movie went on. The ending was fantastic and semi-unexpected. It wasn’t an absolutely original idea, but it was good none-the-less.

Sean Astin’s character, Big Girl, was exaggerated, ridiculous and a little hard to believe… however, I’ve had friends that look and act almost exactly like that. If those people weren’t in my life, I would likely find the part to be highly stereotypical and almost offensive. The other characters did pretty well in their parts, which is a big deal for me to say because the only movie I’ve ever enjoyed Winona Ryder in was Girl, Interrupted. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed a few of her films but it was almost always in spite of her.

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 3.5/5

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 17%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 26%

Trust-the-Dice Score – 3/5

Movie Trailer: 

Doghouse (2009)

Number Rolled: 92

Movie Name/Year: Doghouse (2009)

Genre: Horror

Length: 88 minutes

Rating: NR

Director: Jake West

Writer: Dan Schaffer

Actors: Danny Dyer, Noel Clarke, Emil Marwa, Lee Ingleby, Keith-Lee Castle, Christina Cole, Terry Stone, Neil Maskell, Stephen Graham

Vince is going through a divorce. He’s not taking it too well, so his mates decide to confiscate him and bring him to another town for a fun and wild time. Although the town is said to be inhabited by a lot of hot women, they find it practically deserted upon arrival.

This wasn’t exact the least predictable movie I’ve ever seen. The majority of the parts that were supposed to make me jump didn’t even make me blink. In a full-on horror movie that would make me roll my eyes and fight to stay awake, but “Doghouse” had such a comedic core to it that I spent most of the time rolling. This movie is what happens when you mix “Shaun of the Dead” and the original “Evil Dead.” Both of those are movies that I love, so it should come as no shock that I loved this one, too.

The script was hilarious and there was a part of me that kept viewing Noel Clarke in this film as his part from Doctor Who. The characters were pretty similar and even their names made it difficult not to think back (Mikey vs. Mickey). As much as I loved it, though, there was a certain undertone of misogyny. Ok, it wasn’t an undertone. It was so in my face that I feel guilty for loving it.

“Doghouse” was trashy, sexist, horrible and so funny that my sides hurt.

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 3.7/5

Overall Opinion – 3.5/5

The Random Rating: R – for strong violence

Movie Trailer:

Messages Deleted (2009)

Number Rolled: 89

Movie Name/Year: Messages Deleted (2009)

Genre: Horror

Length: 91 minutes

Rating: NR

Director: Rob Cowan

Writer: Larry Cohen

Actors: Matthew Lillard, Deborah Kara Unger, Gina Holden, Serge Houde, Chiara Zanni, Michael Eklund, Xantha Radley, Ken Kramer, Woody Jeffreys, Ildiko Ferenczi, Paul Lazenby, Anna Galvin, Ben Cotton, Olivia Cheng

Joel is a failed screenwriter. To support himself while writing, he works as a professor on the subject. Lacking inspiration, he begins to seek the option of distancing himself from things that might be holding him back. In the process, a slasher storyline falls right at his feet.

Any movie that has Matthew Lillard in a starring role makes me happy. I think he’s an amazing actor and should be used in leading roles more often. I feel like he could play a part written by a dog and still catch my interest. I wasn’t all that impressed with Unger, but the rest of the actors played their roles pretty well.

The movie followed the recipe of being ironically cliché. Much like “Scream,” “Messages Deleted” points out the various clichés used in horror/thriller movies and then tries to bring them into the real world. Ultimately the film claims that these are the clichés we know for a reason: because it most closely resembles real life. It is suggested that, because authors “write what they know,” recipes are developed from true stories being translated into fiction. It’s an interesting perspective. To be honest, the perspective is more interesting than the product.

Even when I take into account the general predictability of the story and the achingly familiar copy & paste plot, I still wind up really enjoying “Messages Deleted.” The irony of what it was doing made me feel more like a student in Joel Brandt’s class, than an audience member. It’s that ability to make me part of the story that really captures my attention.

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 3.3/5

Overall Opinion – 3.5/5

The Random Rating: R for strong violence

Movie Trailer: