Thursday, October 15, 2015

The Human Centipede: First Sequence (2009)

Number Rolled: 39
Movie Name/Year: The Human Centipede: First Sequence (2009)
Tagline: 100% medically accurate
Genre: Horror
Length: 91 minutes
Rating: NR
Production Companies: Six Entertainment
Executive Producer: Ilona Six
Director: Tom Six
Writer: Tom Six
Actors: Dieter Laser, Ashley C. Williams, Ashlynn Yennie, Akihiro Kitamura, Andreas Leupold, Peter Blankenstein, Bernd Kostrau, Rene de Wit

Two girls are visiting Germany and decide to head to a club. After getting a flat tire, they come upon a house where a man creepily asks them if they’re alone, they say yes and go inside.

Selina’s Point of View:
There have been very few movies made that I’ve looked forward to seeing less than this.

Actually, now that I think about it? There aren’t any.

I blame Cat completely for this one. Sure, she had never heard of it and thought it would be a creature feature, I still blame her.

I didn’t want to see this film. The premise alone made me shake my head. The movie is even worse than the premise. From acting to writing, this film is terrible. It’s not even the kind of bad that could be laughed at. It was bad and boring.

Congratulations Human Centipede, I think you are the worst film I’ve ever seen. Seriously? I’d watch House of the Dead, the Uwe Boll version, twice over before I watched this one again.

If you’re curious, there’s an episode of Tosh.O that tells the entire story. It was more entertaining than the film. Go watch that instead.

Cat’s Point of View:
This film squarely falls into the category of ‘Things That Cannot be Unseen.’ What aisle is the brain bleach on, again?

At first, I thought this might be some sort of mad-science creature feature. My mind’s eye painted the picture of some mutated creature terrorizing…someone. The reality of this film was a far cry from my imaginings. My guess was practically a flight of fancy through a field of unicorns in comparison to what I watched.

The trailer pretty much gives most of the plot away, though. If you have a high threshold for things absolutely disgusting, and want to be surprised; don’t watch it.

It felt like someone took The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996) and Hostel (2005), threw them in a blender, and then splattered the resulting mess all over the room.

I can’t tell you how many times I felt like I might just vomit, as the film progressed. I lost count.

The acting was hot and cold for me. Undeniably, Dieter Laser (Baltic Storm, I Am the Other Woman, The Human Centipede III:Final Sequence) gave a fantastic performance of being entirely off his rocker.

I do feel I need to give credit to Ashley C. Williams (Empty, Paranormal Movie, Julia), Ashlynn Yennie (American Maniacs, Fractured, The Scribbler),  and Akihiro Kitamura (I'll Be There With You, It's a Beautiful Day, Tokyo Tribe). Their roles took a lot of guts; due to such awkward situations to be stuck in day in and day out of filming. (It had to be that, or desperation.)

I will never watch this film again. Further, I strongly encourage that anyone whom cannot deal with scat in films stay as far from this movie as possible.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 49%
Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 25%

Netflix’s Prediction for Selina – 1.5/5
Selina’s Trust-the-Dice Score0/5

Netflix’s Prediction for Cat – 1.5/5
Cat’s Trust-the-Dice Score1/5

The Random Rating: R

Movie Trailer:

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