"We're not critics. We're professional fan-girls." --- This blog is dedicated to movies and the entertainment industry. We use random selection to bring into light the best and worst of streaming films and entertainment news.
Streaming Services: Amazon Prime, VUDU, Tubi Movie Name/Year: Sharkenstein (2016) Genre: Action, Adventure, Comedy Length: 85 minutes Rating: Unrated Production/Distribution: Wild Eye Releasing Director: Mark Polonia Writers: J.K. Farlew Actors: Greta Volkova, Ken Van Sant,
Titus Himmelberger, James Carolus, Jeff Kirkendall, Yolie Canales, Bruce
Applegate, Kathryn Sue Young, Nathan McNamara, Todd Carpenter, Christopher
Beacom, Chyenne Bostwick, Adam Murtland, Austin Dragovich, Cody Getz, Kline
Kaufer, Brian Rezek Blurb from IMDb: Sixty years after the end of
World War II, a small ocean town is plagued by a blood-thirsty creature that
was built and reanimated by using the parts of the greatest sea-killers: the
Sharkenstein monster.
Selina’s Point of View:
It’s pretty rare that something comes in below expectations when I already don’t expect much.
With a title like Sharkenstein, you can pretty much guess what I thought it would be. I knew the highest possible expectations were for something ‘so bad it’s good’, but the visual on the Amazon page guaranteed I knew it wouldn’t meet even that standard.
What I got fell below ‘bad’, though.
It had graphics that looked like they were made in Paint, a ridiculous plot, and accents that make any other movie accent look phenomenal by comparison. It was one of those perfect storms of crap that could have equaled out to something if there’d been any jokes.
Unfortunately, it took itself SO seriously.
It felt like they thought they were making a serious Jaws-like film. The acting and script were super campy, but there were no jokes. None of it was funny. Any laughter I had was definitely AT the creative team and not with them.
Even the Asylum puts out better quality trash than this.
As bad as it was, though, Psychotic! (2016) Was still worse… so it won’t be getting the rare and dreaded zero rating from me.
Cat’s Point of View:
When we’re set to watch a crazy B-movie, I really try not to have high expectations. Scratch that. I try not to have many expectations. I hold out hope that the film will at least be entertaining. I cling to the fervent wish that there will be something that elevates the production above its humble shoestring budget limitations.
With a title like Sharkenstein, I figured that the effects might be a little sketchy but it should be good for at least a few laughs.
Not only did I not laugh, I almost wanted to cry because I felt obligated to watch the whole excruciating thing.
I practically rooted for the shark to win, hoping that it would bring the whole travesty to an end. None of the protagonists were likable. There were plot holes big enough to sail the Titanic through. The dialogue was atrocious. Everything was awkward.
Could someone explain why that sideways hat was even a thing? Were the main trio of characters supposed to be teens? They were referred to as ‘kids’ by the salty ‘old’ harbor-master. Why for the love of Bob were they all middle-aged actors? The female lead was whiny and had no spine. Further, there was an utter lack of wit and humor.
My advice for anyone deciding to watch this movie is simple. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. Unless you want to just experience how bad it is first hand, there’s nothing but disappointment and a waste of time waiting for you with this film.
Rotten
Tomatoes Critic Score – None Rotten
Tomatoes Audience Score – 9% Metascore – None Metacritic
User Score – None IMDB
Score – 2.1/10 Trust
the Dice: Parental Advisory Rating – PG-13 Trust
the Dice: Selina’s Rating – 1/5 Trust
the Dice: Cat’s Rating – 0/5 Movie Trailer:
Streaming Services: Amazon
Prime Video, Vudu Free, Tubi
Movie Name/Year: Miss
Meadows (2014)
Genre: Comedy,
Crime, Drama
Length:
88 minutes
Rating: Unrated
Production/Distribution: Vie
Vision Pictures, Atlantic Film, Eagle Films, Entertainment One, Home Box
Office, Lighthouse Home Entertainment, Programs 4 Media, River, Three Lines
Pictures
Director: Karen
Leigh Hopkins
Writer: Karen
Leigh Hopkins
Actors: Katie
Holmes, James Badge Dale, Callan Mulvey, Jean Smart, Mary Kay Place, Ava
Kolker, Stephen Bishop, Kate Linder, James Landry Hébert, James Keane, Graham
Beckel, Gregory Allen Smith, Anna Moravcik, Tyler Corbet, Milly Hopkins, Harry
Zinn, Saidah Arrika Ekulona, Charlotte Labadie, Aubree Stone, Amy Kravockuck
Blurb from IMDb: A
story centered on a proper elementary school teacher who moonlights as a
vigilante.
Cat’s Point of View:
I have to say, Miss Meadows
was certainly unexpected. I don’t remember this movie from back in 2014, though
it had some stiff competition at the box office at that time. (Can we say
Baymax?) If anyone is looking for something new and interesting to watch, this
movie would not only provide quite the intriguing change of pace but also
offer something unique to the vigilante genre as well.
Another good word to describe Miss
Meadows is quirky – it applies well to both the character and the film,
itself. I can’t say that I’ve seen its like before, and that’s quite the feat
in this age of Hollywood recycling every good idea that’s come before into
reboots, remakes, and re-hashes oh my.
The concept of this movie is deceptively full of whimsy. At its core,
however, is something darker and more substantial.
Of course, some might not like the formality of the dialogue. It did
make some scenes feel a little stiff at times, but I have to feel that the
inherent awkwardness of it was intentional. It was perfectly in tune with the
somewhat anachronistic protagonist.
Another thing I adore about this movie is the purposeful, yet seemingly
random incorporation of dance into the story. It really doesn’t surprise me, as
this film was used as a vehicle to help expose the children cast members to the
arts – which was noted in a line within the credits. Katie Holmes (Jack and Jill, The Giver, Logan Lucky)
has long been a supporter of such projects for quite a while. She was one of
the 4 founding members of the Dizzy Feet Foundation in 2009, after all. That
organization is all about supporting and promoting dance education. I digress.
As for Holmes’ role in the movie, I honestly couldn’t picture anyone
else in the part. Her portrayal of this character felt so emotionally honest. I
could feel how internally broken the character was, and how it fueled her life
choices, as everything played across Holmes’ body language.
I am a bit disappointed in the way the trailer for this movie was
packaged. It seems to try and spin the film as something of a thriller when
it’s less fast-paced and is sparse on the edge-of-the-seat moments. I worry
that those watching the trailer may be disappointed when watching the actual movie
because of that. On the bright side, it did mention the one descriptive phrase
that nails the heart of this odd, yet enjoyable, vigilante tale – “Pulp Fiction
Mary Poppins.”
Of course, while Holmes dominates the screen here, she certainly wasn’t
the only notable cast member. I really enjoyed the dynamic between Miss Meadows
and the sheriff. James Badge Dale (The
Grey, Donnybrook, The Kitchen) really captured well his character’s moral
quandary.
I always get a bit giddy with nostalgic feels when I see Jean Smart (Life Itself, A Simple Favor, Watchmen)
involved with a project. Designing Women
(1986-1993) remains one of my favorite shows from yester-year, and every time I
see Smart on the screen, I get all sorts of fuzzy nostalgic feelings. It does
help that she’s immensely talented.
If you prepare yourself for the fact that this isn’t your typical tale,
and oddness is the name of the game for Miss Meadows, this movie can be quite
touching and compelling. There’s some really profound stuff going on under the
surface here. I will probably recommend this movie to many if only to open a discussion about it afterward.
