Monday, August 20, 2018

The Package (2018)

Number Rolled: 54
Movie Name/Year: The Package (2018)
Tagline: Friendship is just the tip.
Genre: Comedy
Length: 94 minutes
Rating: TV-MA
Production Companies: Campfire, Netflix Studios, Red Hour Films
Producer: Blake Anderson, Adam Devine, Ross M. Dinerstein, Colin Frederick, Ross Girard, Jamie Goehring, Joel Henry, Christian Hoffman, Anders Holm, Kevin Leeson, Rob Lycar, Kyle Newacheck, Haroon Saleem, Ben Stiller, Jake Szymanski, Michael J. Urann, Nicholas Weinstock, Shawn Williamson
Director: Jake Szymanski
Writer: Kevin Burrows, Matt Mider
Actors: Daniel Doheny, Geraldine Viswanathan, Sadie Calvano, Luke Spencer Roberts, Eduardo Franco, Michael Eklund, Gary Jones, Alexander Calvert, Sugar Lyn Beard, Blake Anderson, Chance Hurstfield, Kevan Kase

Blurb from Netflix: After their buddy suffers an unfortunately accident during spring break, four pals risk everything -- including their dignity -- to make him whole again.

Selina’s Point of View:

I think my brain melted while I was watching that film. It was awful.

I mean, the blurb itself prepares you for some weird shit, but it’s not just weird. It’s also incredibly lazy. Whatever you think is the dumbest joke that can be made with the least amount of effort – this film will make it.

On top of that, none of the characters were likeable and there wasn’t a single moment in the plot where I felt like I wanted to be watching the movie. Not to mention, I’m almost positive someone fucked up on the rating for it.

It should have been more than just for mature audiences. There was actual porn shown within the first ten minutes. If the MPAA would just acknowledge that Netflix makes movies and not just TV projects, this would have gotten the higher parental advisory rating it deserved… and then I wouldn’t have had to watch it.

In the interest of trying hard to find something good about The Package, I’ll say I kind of liked Sadie Calvano (Mom, The Perfect Daughter, Village People). She was much better than the movie deserved.

I would not recommend this film. 

To anyone. Ever.

Cat’s Point of View:

That’s really the first thing that comes to mind to say about The Package because I think my brain just fell out of my head and bounced on the floor a few times.

It’s not so much a ‘wow, what an amazing movie’ thing; but more like ‘wow, I just don’t know what to say after that’ type of thing. I’ll give it a shot.

Inappropriate, raunchy, and cringe-worthy are three descriptions that fit this movie; but I would be remiss if I didn’t add hilarious. I almost didn’t want to laugh, though I found I couldn’t help it. I think the whole lookie-loo instinct that we all share plays a part here. We know it’s going to be bad, but we can’t look away.

I can imagine that this film might be a bit hard to watch for a guy – given the subject matter. I had some serious cringing going on, and I decidedly lack the physiology that makes Lorena Bobbitt a terrifying person.

Beneath all that was a story about awkward adolescence and friendship. The driving factor of this plot that brings with it the cringe-comedy is what transcends the ‘been there done that’ which would otherwise be present.

I can’t say that I’ve seen THIS before, certainly.

All the same, I’m afraid this is a one-and-done for me. I can’t say that I have the desire to watch this one ever again; however, it was entertaining. I don’t think I’d steer anyone away from this movie, but I’d give a heaping and heavy disclaimer before telling anyone to go for it. Trust the ‘Mature Audiences’ rating on this, ok?

Speech Available: English, French, German, Italian, Spanish
Subtitles Available: English, French, Spanish, Simplified Chinese, Traditional Chinese

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 50%
Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 61%
Metascore - 68/100
Metacritic User Score – 6.6/10
IMDB Score – 5.5/10

Trust the Dice: Selina’s Rating1.5/5
Trust the Dice: Cat’s Rating2.5/5

Movie Trailer:

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