Tuesday, January 3, 2023

8 Worst New Movies of 2022

According to: Selina
[Note: These are the worst new movies of the year that we’ve reviewed on Trust the Dice. If it wasn't reviewed on the site, it's not eligible.]
8 – Tall Girl 2
Reviewed on: February 23
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Family
Rated: TV-PG
Length: 1h 37min
Selina’s Rating: 2
Cat’s Rating: 2.5
IMDb Blurb: After Jodi Kreyman gains popularity, her miscommunications start causing rifts with those around her and now she really needs to 'stand tall'.
The first Tall Girl was full-on crap. It would have been much higher on this list than number 10. So, although Tall Girl 2 was bad, it does show a bit of improvement. I guess.
The story is still dumb. The scenes are still ridiculous. Nothing about it is believable. Except one thing.
Tall Girl 2 does work well to visualize anxiety. It delves into that little voice in your head that says worse stuff about you than any bully could. It does that really well, actually.
I wish it were a better movie, because the parts about overcoming those negative thoughts was good.
7 – The Bubble

Reviewed on: April 6
Genre: Comedy
Rated: R
Length: 2h 6min
Selina’s Rating: 1.5
Cat’s Rating: 3
IMDb Blurb: A group of actors and actresses stuck inside a pandemic bubble at a hotel attempt to complete a film.
The Bubble had a huge amount of potential. It had almost no advertising before it was released, but it seemed like a meta story that involved tons of big-name actors making fun of Hollywood. That is exactly the kind of comedy that I gravitate toward. So, I was excited.
The whole film was a mess. The actors phoned everything in, the pacing was awful, and the jokes simply weren’t funny.
I still wonder if Netflix released it as an April Fool’s joke.
6 – Dark Glasses

Reviewed on: October 10
Genre: Horror, Mystery, Thriller
Rated: Unrated
Length: 1h 26min
Selina’s Rating: 1.5
Cat’s Rating: 2.5
IMDb Blurb: Diana, a young woman who lost her sight, finds a guide in a Chinese boy named Chin. Together they will track down a dangerous killer through the darkness of Italy.
I will admit that I liked the way this movie handled showing how the main character adapted to being blind. We learned about her options and the training she went through to be able to navigate her surroundings. That part was decent.
Dark Glasses was a bad film, but it wasn’t out-right problematic.
Really, it was just boring.
It’s a shame, because the beginning really pumped me up for what was coming, and then it just plateaued until the ending.
5 – A Banquet

Reviewed on: May 23
Genre: Horror
Rated: Unrated
Length: 1h 37min
Selina’s Rating: 1
Cat’s Rating: 2
IMDb Blurb: A widowed mother is radically tested when her teenage daughter insists a supernatural experience has left her body in service to a higher power.
Even with the supernatural aspect, A Banquet was just as exploitative of eating disorders as I worried it would be. On top of that, it was near impossible to watch. The pacing was so slow that it was like watching paint dry, except when it’s being down-right offensive.
4 – Brazen

Reviewed on: January 26
Genre: Crime, Drama, Mystery
Rated: TV-14
Length: 1h 34min
Selina’s Rating: 1.5
Cat’s Rating: 2.5
IMDb Blurb: When her sister is killed and her double life as a webcam performer is revealed, Grace ignores the warnings of a cool-headed detective and gets involved in the case.
If you want awful over-acting and a predictable plot – look no further than Brazen.
I remember being very excited to see Alyssa Milano (Give Me an A, You Are My Home, Insatiable) in a new legit film. When I finally got to sit down and watch, though, I couldn’t have been more disappointed. It was awful.
Although it was supposed to be a mystery, there was none. From the start it was obvious what was going on. The focus also seemed to be more on the romance than anything else, and there wasn’t enough chemistry to make that work. It was just a hot mess.
3 – The Long Night

Reviewed on: June 27
Genre: Horror
Rated: R
Length: 1h 31min
Selina’s Rating: 1
Cat’s Rating: 2
IMDb Blurb: A devoted couple's quiet weekend takes a bizarre turn when a nightmarish cult and their maniacal leader come to fulfill an apocalyptic prophesy.
There were no saving graces for The Long Night. It felt as long as the name implies. The acting was awful and the plot was trope-y. There wasn’t anything to sink your teeth into.
2 – Carter

Reviewed on: August 8
Genre: Action, Thriller
Rated: TV-MA
Length: 2h 12min
Selina’s Rating: 1.5
Cat’s Rating: 1
IMDb Blurb: Thrown straight into a dangerous mission with none of his memories intact, a man must escape death while trying to figure out who he is, how he ended up here, and who is the mysterious voice in his ear calling him "Carter"?
The shaky cam involved in Carter was unnecessary. It was so bad that it could make anyone vomit. Cat couldn’t even watch it in one sitting.
I thought Hardcore Henry (2015) went overboard with it. Carter made that one seem steady.
1 – Reed’s Point

Reviewed on: April 8
Genre: Horror
Rated: Unrated
Length: 1h 16min
Selina’s Rating: 1
Cat’s Rating: 1.5
IMDb Blurb: A vehicle crash in the Pine Barrens leads to a missing teen which raises conspiracy theories about the infamous Jersey Devil legend. On the anniversary of the crash, Sarah Franklin, convinced her cousin Kelsey is alive, goes out to the crash site with Alex, Kelsey's boyfriend, to investigate. Things go downhill quickly as Sarah and Alex uncover what really lurks in the woods.
Finally, the worst movie of 2022… Reed’s Point.
To be fair, I wasn’t expecting Reed’s Point to be good. I was more hoping that it would fall into the ‘so bad it’s good’ category. But it didn’t even do that. Just when I thought it had something to offer, it twisted into an ending so bad that I gave myself a headache rolling my eyes.

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