Wednesday, January 6, 2021

Top 10 New Discoveries We Made in 2020 That We Wish We Hadn't

In this list, I’ll be looking into the worst of the films from previous years that Trust the Dice reviewed in 2020. Maybe you have already seen them and knew we’d have a bad time watching them, or maybe they were new to you, too. Either way, each one – for whatever reason – is a flick we think movie lovers should definitely leave in the past.

10 – Vivarium (2019)
I’ll be honest, I don’t remember this film as badly as I thought I would. That said, I do remember having a hard time getting through it.
The ending is interesting and there are some unforgettable scenes throughout – but it is the slowest fucking flick I’ve ever had to sit through. It was like watching grass grow for the majority of the runtime. 

It was as if someone took that scene about the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb & Dumber (1994) and stretched it into a full movie, then sapped out any humor it might have originally had.
None of the characters are likable and watching it is a chore. There’s just no reason to sit through it if you don’t have to.

9 – Girl on the Third Floor (2019)
I wanted this movie to work. I was looking forward to seeing C.M. Punk try to step out of the ring and onto the big screen. I love seeing transitions like that. Unfortunately, the entire movie just didn’t work.
There were some cool visuals, but the acting and writing were subpar, at best.
What little I remember of it now, is not something I remember fondly.

8 – Into the Dark: New Year, New You (2018)
This was my first peek into the Hulu anthology series: Into the Dark. It was not a good introduction.
The acting went right past campy and into bad. It felt like it was trying to be a very long episode of Black Mirror (2011- ), but with none of the substance. The plot was relatively trope-y and nothing really felt authentic.
There are good episodes of this anthology film series, but New Year, New You is not one of them.

7 – Doom: Annihilation (2019)
Who asked for this?
Doom is a great video game. It’s fun and fast-paced. The newer one is gorgeous and the older ones made FPS games what they are today.
Any attempt at putting it to film has been a complete bomb – and this was no different.
The only way it could have been worse is if Uwe Boll had directed it.
Stop it.

6 – 12 Pups of Christmas (2019)
I thought our perception of 12 Pups of Christmas might have been the result of Christmas movie overload. So, I subjected myself to it a second time.
I’d like to report that it’s just a very bad film.
The only good thing about it was the puppies and they weren’t even on screen for all that long. In fact, the movie barely had anything to do with them at all.
I sat through it twice, never again.

5 – The Pool (2018)
I was dying for a creature feature when we watched this one. I was open to it, and ready to see something new and exciting.
The premise was interesting. It made me believe we were about to see a harrowing claustrophobic thriller about a man trying to protect his girlfriend from a giant predator. We did get a little of that, but so much of it was a let-down.
I particularly hated the 87 endings. You thought Lord of the Rings (2001-2003) had too many endings? Director Ping Lumpraploeng saw that and said “Hold my beer.”
With better editing, it might have had a chance.

4 – Satanic Panic (2019)
Critics enjoyed this one and neither me, nor Cat, can understand why.
We understand that it was supposed to have a parody-like feel to it – but it went WAY past that. It had questionable scenes that felt outdated. There was also some incredibly bad acting from otherwise good actors. 

It was meant to be a Scary Movie (2000) kind of thing, but it felt more like Vampires Suck (2010) instead.

3 – Boar (2017)
I was just so disappointed with the creature features this year.
Boar was outstandingly bad. The acting and the story were ridiculous. There were continuity errors and unbelievable reactions everywhere.

It was just a giant mess.

2 – Can’t Take it Back (2017)
With a basic bitch story and unremarkable acting, this was a completely forgettable film. We expected it to be bad, though. We gave it a chance, and regretted it.
There’s just one more things to say:

1 – Psychotic! (2016)
Of course I was going to watch this. Brooklyn is where I was born and raised, and most places that film there pretend to be in Manhattan – so it’s nice when they are actually trying to celebrate Brooklyn itself.
Unfortunately, it was the worst movie I have ever seen. It shared more than a few qualities with The Room (2003), but it doesn’t even have that charm to make people laugh at. It's just tragic.
Me and Cat, individually, without any discussion, gave this one a rare 0.

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