Thursday, March 3, 2016

Stalled (2013)

Number Rolled: 22
Movie Name/Year: Stalled (2013)
Tagline: He’s in the perfect place to be scared shitless.
Genre: Horror Comedy
Length: 84 minutes
Rating: NR
Production Companies: Cubicle Hero
Producer: Emma Biggins, Richard Kerrigan, Daniel Pickering, Peter Stanley-Ward
Director: Christian James
Writer: Dan Palmer
Actors: Dan Palmer, Antonia Bernath, Tamaryn Payne, Mark Holden, Giles Alderson, Sarah Suzanne Biggins, Victoria Broom, Marcus Kelly, Victoria Eldon, Chris R. Wright, Rick Edwards, Russell Biles

Blurb from Netflix: A sad-sack janitor, appropriately named W.C., is cleaning the ladies’ room when the zombie apocalypse breaks out at the office Christmas party.

Selina’s Point of View:
I was so looking forward to this film. I thought it had a really interesting concept. Now that I’ve seen it I pretty much regret its existence.

This film was poorly made, poorly filmed and the script was poorly written. It went from a silent opening scene that lasted so long I wanted to bang my head against the wall, to a random lesbian scene that had no purpose whatsoever to a twenty minute long conversation with no payoff.

Half the scenes were so long that they lost any semblance of intrigue they might have held. I’m sure Christian James (Freak Out, Slap Attack, Absence) and Dan Palmer (Freak Out, A Moment of Horror, Slap Attack) were going for comedic suspense, but they didn’t succeed. Together, they turned the entire film into the cinematic version of waiting in line at the DMV.

Even Netflix did wrong by this film. They bungled up the description. The main character wasn’t a janitor and he wasn’t cleaning the ladies room. Also, wtf is “appropriately named W.C.” supposed to mean? Get it together, Netflix.

Cat’s Point of View:
I was hoping that this was going to be one of those great comic-relief zombie movies. It had so much potential to hit that mark.


Now imagine that said in the lackluster tone of Grumpy Cat as voiced by Aubrey Plaza (Monsters University, Ned Rifle, Dirty Grandpa) in Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever (2014). (That was what my daughter wanted to watch for a family movie night yesterday.)

In the spirit of the movie’s office Christmas Party theme, I feel the need to borrow another quote from the adorable kitty with the sourpuss face: “Ho ho no.”

To be fair, I didn’t hate the movie. It had its funny moments, and there was actually even an emotional moment. The rest of the time, I was left thinking “Really?”

The premise was interesting, though. I can’t think of any other movies that have explored the idea of what happens if you get trapped in an office building bathroom during the zombie apocalypse.

I realize (seriously, I am hoping) that this movie wasn’t meant to be a ‘serious zombie movie.’ There was just something missing that would have made it more successful.

Following in the footsteps of other British zombie horror-comedies such as Shaun of the Dead (2004), this just glaringly paled in comparison.

This isn't a film that I would really recommend, except maybe as a prank.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – None
Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 28%

Netflix’s Prediction for Selina – 1/5
Selina’s Trust-the-Dice Score.5/5

Netflix’s Prediction for Cat – 2.5/5
Cat’s Trust-the-Dice Score2/5

The Random Rating: R

P.S. There’s a scene after the credits that’s way too fucking long.

Movie Trailer:

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