Monday, May 5, 2014

Cow Belles (2006)

Number Rolled: 33
Movie Name/Year: Cow Belles (2006)
Genre: Comedy
Length: 85 minutes
Rating: TV-G
Director: Francine McDougall
Writer: Matt Dearborn, Stu Krieger
Actors: Aly Michalka, AJ Michalka, Jack Coleman, Sheila McCarthy, Michael Trevino, Christian Serratos, Ron Gabriel, Chris Gallinger, Michael Rhoades, Von Flores, Sandy Robson, Duane Murray, Ordena Stephens, Dylan Roberts, Stuart Clow, Craig Eldridge, Alex Hood, Sharon McFarlane, Paula Brancati, Amanda Tilson, Jean Yoon

Two sisters are living life off their daddy’s money. One, Taylor, is just working on getting her driver’s license. The other, Courtney, is planning an expensive party with her friends from the country club. When their spending gets out of hand, their father forces them to take a job at his dairy factory.

This movie gave me exactly what I expected: a caste-based stereotype with absolutely nothing new to bring to the table. It was not only a completely mediocre storyline, but the characters were shallow enough that I don’t think the very best actors in the world could have pulled them off. Most of the actors were as mediocre as one would expect for a TV film geared toward teens, but there was one that just took ‘bad’ to a whole new level, Chris Gallinger. Seriously, I wanted to throw cheese at my TV screen every time he opened his mouth.

I wish that was the worst of it.

I do make some allowances for movies like this. Maybe it’s wrong, but I hold them to a lower standard because they really aren’t going to be all that good in general. Most of the time, I’m just happy if they’re watchable. Sure, every once in a while I come across a gem that I really enjoy (like Cadet Kelly), but those tend to be the exception, not the rule.

Due to my low expectations, I’m usually willing to forgive crummy performances and characters with no depth. I found this movie as unforgiveable as I did simply because the main storyline is never actually resolved. You’re left with absolutely no resolution to the main conflict.

Cow Belles isn’t worth the time it takes to watch it.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – None
Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 63%

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 2.5/5
Trust-the-Dice Score1/5

Movie Trailer: 

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