I Love You, Don’t Touch Me (1998)

Number Rolled: 61

Movie Name/Year: I Love You, Don’t Touch Me (1998)

Genre: Independent Movie

Length: 86 minutes

Rating: R

Director: Julie Davis

Writer: Julie Davis

Actors: Marla Schaffel, Mitchell Whitfield, Michael Harris, Meredith Scott Lynn, Jack McGee, Darryl Theirse

Ugh. Just… ugh. It’s like…. I don’t even know… maybe Sex and the City if it were about corrupting the idea of sex and love. The main actress wasn’t bad at what she did, in fact, the majority of the actors weren’t bad with what they had to do. Still, a bad script with good actors doesn’t make things any better.

It starts off with a gratuitous and highly unnecessary sex scene which leads into characters who aren’t having “enough” sex. That leads into characters not having sex with the “right” people which leads into the same bullshit the majority of romantic comedies these days try to feed us. Worse than that, the main moral of the story is that humans shouldn’t have to control themselves and if you catch your spouse cheating on you – just suck it up and acknowledge that no one is ever faithful. Bullshit. My problems with the general idea of this movie are limitless.

I don’t know what else I could possibly say about it. It’s a ridiculous caricature of the way life actually is, without actually stirring up any emotions of romance or even comedy. If there was a genre named “Crap” I wouldn’t hesitate to assume this movie was a part of it.

Save yourself some time. Read the Netflix review and you’ll be able to figure out the ending long before you even start watching it. Not only that, but if it’s different, whatever you imagine will be better than what I just sat through anyway.

Overall Opinion – 1/5