Killer Countdown - 5ive Girls (2006)

Streaming Service: Amazon Prime Video
Movie Name/Year: 5ive Girls (2006)
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Length: 1h 35min
Rating: Unrated
Director: Warren P. Sonoda
Writer: Warren P. Sonoda
Actors: Ron Perlman, Jennifer Miller, Jordan Madley, Terra Vnesa, Barbara Mamabolo, Tasha May Currie, Amy Lalonde, Krysta Carter, James Kidnie
 
Blurb from IMDb: Five wayward teenage girls are sent to a reformatory and discover they possess unique powers to battle the ancient demon, Legion, which holds thrall over the sinister institution.
 

Selina's Point of View:
To say 5ive Girls was a disappointment would be an understatement.
 
If I'm honest, I wasn't expecting a masterpiece. I went into it as blind as possible, but looking for the right movies for our Killer Countdown, I definitely saw more about the films than I would have liked, including ratings and a few reviews.
 
One of the bad things about reviewing movies this old is that we're likely to hear other opinions before we write ours. I don't love that, and I worry it will influence what we think.
 
Still, I went into 5ive Girls as open-minded as possible. After all, Ron Perlman (Hellboy, Transformers: Rise of the Beasts, Sons of Anarchy) is in it. It couldn't be that bad… right?
 

I'm sorry to say it's rough. None of the acting was great – even Perlman's. There just wasn't enough material to work with. It was formulaic at best and an excuse to see women pretending to be naked teens at worst. There were plot holes everywhere – sometimes just unfinished ideas. For instance, the film insinuated that Perlman's character was a predator, but the story never really did anything with it, and the movie tried to redeem him instead.
 
It didn't work. It just felt like an unnecessary addition. Edginess, for edginess sake.
 
I added an extra point to my rating because I didn't entirely hate the ending. It wasn't great, but it had potential. A better writer and some better acting could have made that part decent.
 
Unfortunately, I don't think there was enough to the rest of the story for it to have been salvageable.
 

Cat's Point of View:
Okay, so I'm a sucker for anything with Ron Perlman in it. He's occupied an odd warm fuzzy place in my heart since I was little and watched Beauty and the Beast (1987-1990).
 
Not all his projects are slam-dunks, though. 5ive Girls fits squarely into that category.
 
If I were asked to describe this movie to someone, I'd call it an over-sexualized teen melodrama that tried hard to riff off The Craft (1996) but fell far short.
 

The story felt cobbled together, and bits of it were absolutely atrocious. There were a few interesting bits here and there but nothing of any significant substance. I had to attempt to watch 5ive Girls multiple times to get through it a single time without nodding off. I can't blame the movie for all of that, however. Chronic fatigue is always a factor for me, and I'm also still recovering from being sick. However, a good movie that invests in my attention would make it easier to fight against my narcoleptic tendencies. I had no hope here. There were too many loose ends and far too much cringe.
 
I also felt a bit of a disconnect with this entire premise as a former attendee of a parochial school – or, rather, a school run by the church. I didn't attend an all-girls school, mind you – but uniforms, weekly mandatory mass attendance, and catechism classes were all par for the course. I just had a hard time suspending disbelief in general.
 
If you don't put too much thought into it, I wouldn't go so far as to say that it's the worst thing I've ever seen. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there that quite enjoy 5ive Girls. I just wasn't one of them and would generally recommend a different selection if you want real chills and thrills for your spooky season.
 

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – None
Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 39%
Metascore – None
Metacritic User Score – None
IMDB Score – 4.4/10
 
Trust the Dice: Selina's Rating – 2/5
Trust the Dice: Cat's Rating – 2/5
 
Movie Trailer: