The Longest Week (2014)

Number Rolled: 5

Movie Name/Year: The Longest Week (2014)

Tagline: She had him at “I’m your best friend’s girlfriend.”

Genre: Romance

Length: 86 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Production Companies: Armian Pictures, Atlantic Pictures, Far Hills Pictures, YRF Entertainment, Yash Raj Films

Executive Producer: Stone Douglass, Chris Marsh, Taylor Materne, Jonathan Reiman

Director: Peter Glanz

Writer: Peter Glanz, Juan Iglesias

Actors: Jason Bateman, Tony Roberts, Laura Clery, Stephen Temperly, Alexandra Neil, Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick, Barry Primus, Olivia Wilde, Billy Crudup, Jenny Slate

Conrad was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He’s in his forties and still gets an allowance from mommy and daddy. When his parents decide to divorce, he’s left evicted and trying to hide his situation from his best friend.

Selina’s Point of View:

I found this film the worst kind of pretentious. Like discussing books with a guy who only reads the classics and thinks anyone who delves into an Anita Blake novel or any young adult zombie fic is wasting their intellect.

I have known people like this. They are exhausting to deal with. Every word out of their mouth sounds like they mean it as a put down.

“Oh, you like salmon.”

“The Walking Dead is so derivative.”

“How could you stand the sophomoric comedy of Kevin Smith?”

Go fuck yourself.

I hated this film, which is impressive since the cast is actually made up of wonderful actors. Anyone who can take people like Olivia Wilde (The Lazarus Effect, House M.D., Better Living Through Chemistry) and Jason Bateman (Arrested Development, Identity Thief, This is Where I Leave You) and turn them into delivery devices for a string of boring conversations that serve no real purpose by the end of the film, is a master time waster.

I think I’m going to avoid Peter Glanz (The Trivial Pursuits of Arthur Banks, The Dinner Party, Velvet) like I avoid Uwe Boll (Blubberella, Assault on Wall Street, 1968 Tunnel Rats).

Cat’s Point of View:

This wasn’t your typical ‘romance movie.’ It wasn’t even a typical ‘I stole my best friend’s girl’ movie. I found this refreshing.

This film was a bit cerebral, but it didn’t try to aim so high that it would go over an audience’s head. Intelligent humor tends to be a bit under-rated these days. Laughs that appeal to the most common denominator seem to be most prevalent. This film brought the full cultural gambit from stage to art, literature, and music.

Behind the comedy within the film, I felt a real emotional connection to Conrad and his predicament. Jason Bateman (Smokin' Aces, Horrible Bosses, The Gift) gave a wonderfully nuanced performance here. One moment there was a glimpse of the character’s vulnerability and how lost he was…and the next, the veneer of carefree existence slid back into place.

I also loved what Olivia Wilde (Turistas, In Time, Rush) did with mere glances. There were volumes that could be said in just a few of such scenes, where she said nothing at all but let her eyes do the talking. 

Billy Crudup (Public Enemies, Thin Ice, Rudderless) was an interesting ‘straight man’ to Bateman’s character’s hijinks. He was not without his own offering of humor to the film. I particularly enjoyed the Volvo.

When life gets really intense, sometimes it can definitely feel like an eternity gets packed into what is, in reality, a very short span of time. I believe that this movie captures that rather well. I enjoyed it, though I can’t quite put my finger on why it was just that, rather than ‘great.’

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 11%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 22%

Netflix’s Prediction for Selina – 2/5

Selina’s Trust-the-Dice Score – 1/5

Netflix’s Prediction for Cat – 1.5/5

Cat’s Trust-the-Dice Score – 3/5

Movie Trailer: