Friday, June 28, 2013

Remains (2011)

Number Rolled: 56
Movie Name/Year: Remains (2011)
Genre: Horror
Length: 88 minutes
Rating: NR
Director: Colin Theys
Writer: John Doolan, Steve Niles
Actors: Grant Bowler, Miko Hughes, Lance Reddick, Tawny Cypress, Evalena Marie, Sean Leser, Bobby Rice, Terence Schappert, Anthony Marks, David Gere, Jessica Alexandra Green, Christina Santiago, Kevin Shea, Greg Nutcher

We are introduced to Tom, Jensen and Tori as they work in what must be the worst casino in all of Vegas. They are locked out of harm’s way during a backfired experiment and when they emerge they find the world has changed significantly. Zombies roam the halls of their horrible casino and attack the living outside. There are few survivors left, aside from them, and it seems they might be less trustworthy than the undead.

I have never been so bored by a zombie movie in my life. I mean, I love zombies! The book I’m writing is a semi-twist on zombies. It’s pretty rare that I’m actually bored by the subject. Even in movies that I’ve disliked, it wasn’t boredom that did it.

It seems that “Remains” is short, only a mere 88 minutes. Well, it was the longest 88 minutes ever. At least four times during the movie I looked at the clock and groaned. For a few minutes near the end of it I really thought I was going to get to say the last part was good. A couple of scenes passed that had me laughing my ass off, but then it just went back to sucking.

Most of the actors were unmemorable. Only four stood out (for better or worse). Evalena Marie was ridiculously unbelievable, but Grant Bowler, Tawny Cypress and Miko Hughes were outstanding. The flop of the movie could not be blamed on those three. I expect nothing less from Cypress (who I knew from Heroes), but this was my first memorable exposure to Bowler and Hughes. It was a pretty good first impression and I will be keeping an eye out for more of their work.

The reason this movie didn’t get a lower score is because I actually liked their interpretation of zombies. The creatures looked awesome (except for one or two) and the “rules” they went with were rare, but understandable for what they were going for.

I’ll leave you with this question: who the hell drives around in a zombie apocalypse with their windows down?!

Overall Opinion – 2/5

P.S. This was based on a comic book series with the same name.

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