Thursday, March 3, 2016

Stalled (2013)


Number Rolled: 22
Movie Name/Year: Stalled (2013)
Tagline: He’s in the perfect place to be scared shitless.
Genre: Horror Comedy
Length: 84 minutes
Rating: NR
Production Companies: Cubicle Hero
Producer: Emma Biggins, Richard Kerrigan, Daniel Pickering, Peter Stanley-Ward
Director: Christian James
Writer: Dan Palmer
Actors: Dan Palmer, Antonia Bernath, Tamaryn Payne, Mark Holden, Giles Alderson, Sarah Suzanne Biggins, Victoria Broom, Marcus Kelly, Victoria Eldon, Chris R. Wright, Rick Edwards, Russell Biles

Blurb from Netflix: A sad-sack janitor, appropriately named W.C., is cleaning the ladies’ room when the zombie apocalypse breaks out at the office Christmas party.

Selina’s Point of View:
I was so looking forward to this film. I thought it had a really interesting concept. Now that I’ve seen it I pretty much regret its existence.

This film was poorly made, poorly filmed and the script was poorly written. It went from a silent opening scene that lasted so long I wanted to bang my head against the wall, to a random lesbian scene that had no purpose whatsoever to a twenty minute long conversation with no payoff.

Half the scenes were so long that they lost any semblance of intrigue they might have held. I’m sure Christian James (Freak Out, Slap Attack, Absence) and Dan Palmer (Freak Out, A Moment of Horror, Slap Attack) were going for comedic suspense, but they didn’t succeed. Together, they turned the entire film into the cinematic version of waiting in line at the DMV.

Even Netflix did wrong by this film. They bungled up the description. The main character wasn’t a janitor and he wasn’t cleaning the ladies room. Also, wtf is “appropriately named W.C.” supposed to mean? Get it together, Netflix.

Cat’s Point of View:
I was hoping that this was going to be one of those great comic-relief zombie movies. It had so much potential to hit that mark.

Disappointment.

Now imagine that said in the lackluster tone of Grumpy Cat as voiced by Aubrey Plaza (Monsters University, Ned Rifle, Dirty Grandpa) in Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever (2014). (That was what my daughter wanted to watch for a family movie night yesterday.)

In the spirit of the movie’s office Christmas Party theme, I feel the need to borrow another quote from the adorable kitty with the sourpuss face: “Ho ho no.”

To be fair, I didn’t hate the movie. It had its funny moments, and there was actually even an emotional moment. The rest of the time, I was left thinking “Really?”

The premise was interesting, though. I can’t think of any other movies that have explored the idea of what happens if you get trapped in an office building bathroom during the zombie apocalypse.

I realize (seriously, I am hoping) that this movie wasn’t meant to be a ‘serious zombie movie.’ There was just something missing that would have made it more successful.

Following in the footsteps of other British zombie horror-comedies such as Shaun of the Dead (2004), this just glaringly paled in comparison.

This isn't a film that I would really recommend, except maybe as a prank.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – None
Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 28%

Netflix’s Prediction for Selina – 1/5
Selina’s Trust-the-Dice Score.5/5

Netflix’s Prediction for Cat – 2.5/5
Cat’s Trust-the-Dice Score2/5

The Random Rating: R

P.S. There’s a scene after the credits that’s way too fucking long.

Movie Trailer:




Monday, February 29, 2016

Top 20 Movies to Look Out For In March (2016)

According to: Selina


20 – Pee-wee’s Big Holiday (3/18)


Tag Line: He is back!
Production Company: Apatow Productions
Director: John Lee
Writer: Paul Reubens, Paul Rust
Actors: Paul Reubens, Tara Buck, Joe Manganiello, Alia Shawkat, Janina Gavankar, David Arquette, Stephanie Beatriz, Leo Fitzpatrick, Diane Salinger
Genre: Comedy, Adventure
Rated: Unrated

I’ll be honest, the trailer for this film looks relatively meh. Still, I’m going to wind up watching it anyway because it’ Pee-wee! I grew up with the character. I used to watch Pee-wee’s Playhouse (1986-1990) all the time as a kid.

This one’s for nostalgia.

19 – The Brothers Grimsby (3/11)


Tag Line: One secret agent. One complete idiot.
Production Company: Big Talk Productions, Columbia Pictures, Four by Two Films, LStar Capital, Sony Pictures Entertainment, Village Roadshow Pictures, Working Title Films
Director: Louis Leterrier
Writer: Sacha Baron Cohen, Phil Johnston, Peter Baynham
Actors: Sacha Baron Cohen, Mark Strong, Isla Fisher, Rebel Wilson, Gabourey Sidibe, Penelope Cruz, Ian McShane, Annabelle Wallis, Tamsin Egerton, Scott Adkins, David Harewood, Johnny Vegas
Genre: Action, Comedy
Rated: R

I’m not the biggest fan of Sacha Baron Cohen (Da Ali G Show, The Dictator, Bruno). In fact, I may actually hate him. Never the less, this film looks positively hilarious.

Aside from Cohen, there’s a really strong cast. Isla Fisher (Arrested Development, Now You See Me, The Great Gatsby), Mark Strong (Zero Dark Thirty, Kingsman: The Secret Service, The Imitation Game), Penelope Cruz (Zoolander 2, The Counselor, Elegy) and Rebel Wilson (Pain & Gain, Bachelorette, Struck by Lightning) are all great choices for a comedy/action film. The story itself doesn’t look terrible either. In fact, it’s right on the edge of original.

I can’t believe I actually want to see a Sacha Baron Cohen movie. These are strange times.

18 – Ratter (3/1)


Tag Line: At this moment someone could be listening... watching... recording...
Production Company: Start Motion Pictures
Director: Branden Kramer
Writer: Branden Kramer
Actors: Ashley Benson, Matt McGorry, Rebecca Naomi Jones, John Anderson, Alex Cranmer, Jeremy Fiorentino
Genre: Thriller, Suspense
Rated: R

There seems to be pretty much nothing about Ratter that’s original. Your basic stalker hacking into a webcam, as seen through the webcam. It may be a newer take on the recipe, but pretty generic.

Still, the trailer makes this film seem as though it does suspense right. Of course, the trailer could just be showing all the good parts smushed into one short video, leaving no surprises to be had… but I don’t think so. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a bit of a twist at the end.

17 – The Other Side of the Door (3/4)


Tag Line: It was never meant to be opened.
Production Company: 42, Kriti Productions
Director: Johannes Roberts
Writer: Johannes Roberts, Ernest Riera
Actors: Sarah Wayne Callies, Jeremy Sisto, Javier Botet, Sofia Rosinsky, Jax Malcolm, Logan Creran, Suchitra Pillai-Malik
Genre: Horror
Rated: R

I wasn’t immediately interested in this film. It was only after thinking about it and watching the trailer for a second time that it began to hook me.

I think it looks like a long episode of Supernatural (2005-). I even pictured Sam and Dean in a couple of parts. Let me be clear, it doesn’t look like it’ll be like the set-up of Supernatural, it looks like the kind of plot that would be featured on the show, though. That kind of thing almost always interests me.

16 – A Haunting in Cawdor (3/11)


Tag Line: Recent parolee tortured by the curse of Macbeth.
Production Company: Friel Films
Director: Phil Wurtzel
Writer: Phil Wurtzel
Actors: Cary Elwes, Shelby Young, Michael Welch, Alexandria DeBerry, Scott T. Whitesell, Nancy Lynette Parker
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Rated: Unrated

This is another movie that reminds me of something else I enjoyed watching. The premise and setting of A Haunting in Cawdor remind me of a non-musical version of Stage Fright (2014) starring Meat Loaf (Polish Bar, Absolute Killers, Rocky Horror Picture Show).

Aside from how interesting the plot is, I’m also interested because of Cary Elwes (The Art of More, H8RZ, The Princess Bride). Elwes is a great actor and I look forward to seeing pretty much anything he’s in.

15 – Get a Job (3/25)


Tag Line: Graduating was the easy part.
Production Company: CBS Films, Double Feature Films
Director: Dylan Kidd
Writer: Kyle Pennekamp, Scott Turpel
Actors: Miles Teller, Anna Kendrick, Bryan Cranston, Nicholas Braun, Alison Brie, Brandon T. Jackson, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Jay Pharoah, John Cho, Marcia Gay Harden, Cameron Richardson, Jorge Garcia
Genre: Comedy
Rated: R

Get a Job looks like a funny film that covers an issue that a lot of people in my generation and younger generations face.

I got my Bachelors about three years ago, I have a shit-ton of student loans, and I still haven’t been able to find a job with the major I studied. The job I lined up while I was still in school fell through. Then a second one was lined up and it too fell through, after I quit my minimum wage job. My job search went on like that for a while before I gave up and decided to concentrate on my writing. Why not go for my dream job since my BACK-UP choice was falling through?

When something is that big of a deal and has such a huge baring on a person’s life, it’s nice to just sit back and watch a comedy about it. It helps you deal with the serious shit if you can laugh at it.

Also, Anna Kendrick (Into the Woods, Pitch Perfect, End of Watch).

14 – A Bit of Bad Luck (3/25)


Tag Line: Sometimes, the only one you're fooling is yourself.
Production Company: Meadow Point Motion Pictures
Director: John W. Fuhrman
Writer: John W. Fuhrman
Actors: Cary Elwes, Teri Polo, Agnes Bruckner, Kimberly Sustad, Russel Hodgkinson, Marshall Bell, Kat Ogden
Genre: Comedy, Drama
Rated: R

There are some issues with when this technically came out. Since the U.S. release is this month and both Cat and I live in the U.S., we’ve decided to count it for this month. The same thing goes with several other movies on this list. It’s going to become our precedent.

That being said, this is a comedy featuring Cary Elwes (Reach Me, Teen Lust, Robin Hood Men in Tights). I really don’t have another reason for wanting to see it. I don’t feel like I need one.

13 – The Little Prince (3/18)


Tag Line: Rediscover one of the most beloved stories of all time.
Production Company: Onyx Films, Mikros Image, Orange Studio, Kaibou Productions, LPPTV, M6 Films, On Entertainment, Paramount Animation, TouTenKartoon
Director: Mark Osborne
Writer: Irena Brignull, Bob Persichetti, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Actors: James Franco, Rachel McAdams, Paul Rudd, Jeff Bridges, Marion Cotillard, Benicio Del Toro, Mackenzie Foy, Paul Giamatti, Ricky Gervais, Albert Brooks
Genre: Animation, Fantasy
Rated: PG

I think this movie looked 100% adorable. A film that teaches kids that growing up doesn’t have to mean leaving childish things – like wonder and imagination – behind? Sign me up.

12 – Emelie (3/4)


Tag Line: The babysitter is here.
Production Company: Uncorked Productions, Sandbar Pictures, ULTRAMEDIA
Director: Michael Thelin
Writer: Richard Herbeck, Michael Thelin
Actors: Sarah Bolger, Carly Adams, Carl Bailey, Thomas Bair, Chris Beetem, Michael Joseph Dugan
Genre: Thriller
Rated: Unrated

Watching this trailer gave me legitimate chills. I’m not even a parent and it scared the shit out of me so much that I had to take a break from watching the trailers. It plays on some very primal fears and I believe that is going to make it successful.

11 – My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 (3/25)


Tag Line: People change. Greeks don’t.
Production Company: Gold Circle Films, HBO Films, Playtone
Director: Kirk Jones
Writer: Nia Vardalos
Actors: Nia Vardalos, John Corbett, Alex Wolff, Elena Kampouris, Joey Fatone, Rob Riggle, Rita Wilson,
Genre: Romance, Comedy
Rated: PG-13

I saw the first My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002) and I really enjoyed it. I’m not sure I believe the second one will be amazing, but I still really want to see it.


10 – Ava’s Possessions (3/4)


Tag Line: She can handle her spirits.
Production Company: ODD NY, Off Hollywood Pictures, Ravenous Films, Traction Media
Director: Jordan Galland
Writer: Jordan Galland
Actors: Louisa Krause, Jemima Kirke, Carol Kane, William Sadler, Alysia Reiner, Dan Fogler, Joel de la Fuente, Lou Taylor Pucci, John Ventimiglia
Genre: Horror, Mystery, Sci-Fi
Rated: R

Horror is my bread and butter. I prefer zombies, but demons are still good. Especially in this context.

Although the film doesn’t seem to be in the comedy genre, the trailer suggests that there’s a decent amount of comic relief in it. My favorite kind of horror movies are the kind that don’t take themselves too seriously. Comic relief is what makes the scary stuff hit so much harder.

I really hope the trailer isn’t misleading.

9 – Camino (3/4)


Tag Line: The camera sees what it sees.
Production Company: Bleiberg Entertainment, La Panda, Organically Grown Productions
Director: Josh C. Waller
Writer: Daniel Noah, Josh C. Waller
Actors: Zoe Bell, Nacho Vigalondo, Kevin Pollak, Francisco Barreiro, Sheila Vand, Tenoch Huerta, Dominic Rains, Nancy Gomez
Genre: Action, Adventure, Thriller
Rated: Unrated

Female action hero wearing clothing. ACTUAL CLOTHING. Like, she’s in a pants and a shirt…. Maybe 2 shirts in some scenes. And she chokes the hell out of a guy with her fucking camera.

I kind of want to see this in theaters.

8 – 10 Cloverfield Lane (3/11)


Tag Line: Monsters come in many forms.
Production Company: Bad Robot, Paramount Pictures, Spectrum Effects
Director: Dan Trachtenberg
Writer: Josh Campbell, Matthew Stuecken, Damien Chazelle
Actors: Mary Elizabeth Winstead, John Goodman, John Gallagher Jr., Maya Erskine, Mat Vairo, Douglas M. Griffin, Cindy Hogan
Genre: Thriller, Sci-Fi
Rated: Unrated

I have not seen Cloverfield (2008) because I rarely ever voluntarily watch a shaky-cam film. The premise always interested me because, well, we know I have a thing for the creature features. I just couldn’t get past the shaky part. It’s almost an instant turn-off for me.

10 Cloverfield Lane is NOT shaky-cam, which instantly makes it more interesting to me. Add to that a hint of apocalypse with a dash of John Goodman (Alpha House, Red State, Trumbo) and I find it almost impossible to resist.

7 – Eye in the Sky (3/11)


Tag Line: Welcome to the new front line.
Production Company: eOne Films, Moonlighting Films, Entertainment One Features, Raindog Films
Director: Gavin Hood
Writer: Guy Hibbert
Actors: Helen Mirren, Aaron Paul, Barkhad Abdi, Alan Rickman, Iain Glen, Phoebe Fox, Carl Beukes, Babou Ceesay, Tyrone Keogh, Lex King
Genre: Action, Thriller
Rated: R

This movie would have made the list regardless of what the trailer made it look like. Simply in honor of Alan Rickman (CBGB, Love Actually, Blow Dry), one of the amazing actors we’ve lost this year. I’m a big fan of Rickman and his death hit me pretty hard.

The movie wound up this high on the list because the trailer looks interesting. There’s a political touch to it, but the thrilling nature of the subject overshadows it for me. I look forward to seeing the conclusion.

6 – Zootopia (3/4)


Tag Line: Welcome to the urban jungle.
Production Company: Walt Disney
Director: Bryan Howard, Rich Moore, Jared Bush
Writer: Jared Bush, Phil Johnston, Byron Howard, Rich Moore, Jennifer Lee, Josie Trinidad, Jim Reardon, Dan Fogelman
Actors: Jason Bateman, Ginnifer Goodwin, Shakira, Idris Elba, Octavia Spencer, J.K. Simmons, Jenny Slate, Alan Tudyk, Mos Def, Bonnie Hunt, Don Lake, Tommy Chong, Nate Torrence, Raymond S. Persi, Kristen Bell
Genre: Animation, Comedy
Rated: PG

The first trailer I saw for Zootopia was the sloth trailer. I found it super hilarious and I recommend you look it up. Amazing cast aside, this film simply looks like a funny film. Plot-wise it’s not the most original thing ever made, but it still looks great.

5 – London Has Fallen (3/4)


Tag Line: Prepare for bloody hell.
Production Company: Millennium Films, Gerard Butler Alan Siegel Entertainment, LHF Film
Director: Babak Najafi
Writer: Katrin Benedikt, Creighton Rothenberger, Christian Gudegast, Chad St. John
Actors: Gerard Butler, Morgan Freeman, Aaron Eckhart, Radha Mitchell, Angela Bassett, Jackie Earle Haley
Genre: Action, Adventure
Rated: R

This film is the sequel to Olympus Has Fallen (2013). I haven’t seen the first one yet, but I’ve wanted to and I’ve heard great things from friends. The trailers make London Has Fallen look just as good. I hope to see both films sometime this year.

4 – Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (3/4)


Tag Line: Based on a true story.
Production Company: Broadway Video, Little Stranger, Paramount Pictures
Director: Glenn Ficarra, John Requa
Writer: Robert Carlock, Kim Barker
Actors: Tina Fey, Margot Robbie, Martin Freeman, Nicholas Braun, Billy Bob Thornton, Alfred Molina, Sheila Vand, Christopher Abbott, Steve Peacocke, Scott Takeda
Genre: Comedy, War
Rated: R

If someone had asked me a year ago what the least likely movie Tina Fey (Sisters, This is Where I Leave You, 30 Rock) would star in was, I would say a war movie.

WTF, indeed.

I know this is technically a comedy war film, but I find I’m still impressed with Fey’s involvement. I can’t wait to see how she does.

3 – Justice League vs. Teen Titans (3/29)


Tag Line: None
Production Company: DC Comics, Warner Bros. Animation
Director: Sam Liu
Writer: Alan Burnett, Bryan Q. Miller, James Tucker
Actors: Rosario Dawson, Taissa Farmiga, Jake T. Austin, Jon Bernthal, Christopher Gorham, Matt Lanter, Shemar Moore, Jerry O’ Connell, Jason O’ Mara, Sean Maher, Kari Wahlgren, Brandon Soo Hoo, Stuart Allan
Genre: Animation, Superhero, Action
Rated: PG-13

I’m a big fan of superheroes in general, so there’s no surprise that this movie found its way onto my list for March.

My love of superheroes is not the only reason this film was added. I was also a huge film of the Teen Titans (2003-2007) cartoon that used to be on. Not this Teen Titans Go! (2013-) crap that’s on now, the good one. I really want to see a return to that general idea in Teen Titans animation.

2 – The Divergent Series: Allegiant (3/18)


Tag Line: The truth lies beyond.
Production Company: Red Wagon Entertainment, Animal Logic, Lionsgate, Soho VFX, Summit Entertainment
Director: Robert Schwentke
Writer: Noah Oppenheim, Adam Cooper, Bill Collage, Veronica Roth
Actors: Shailene Woodley, Theo James, Miles Teller, Ansel Elgort, Naomi Watts, Zoe Kravitz, Jeff Daniels, Bill Skarsgard, Maggie Q, Kristin McKenzie
Genre: Fantasy, Adventure
Rated: PG-13

Although the first two Divergent (2014 & 2015) movies were good, they were so far from the books that I actually have no idea how the third film will even be able to mildly resemble the story.

I don’t have high expectations for Allegiant, but I adored the book series. I have to give it a chance and I still want to see it more than the majority of films coming out this month.

1 – Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (3/25)


Tag Line: Two worlds will collide.
Production Company: Warner Bros., Atlas Entertainment, DC Comics, DC Entertainment, RatPac-Dune Entertainment
Director: Zack Snyder
Writer: Chris Terrio, David S. Goyer, Bob Kane, Bill Finger, Jerry Siegel, Joe Shuster
Actors: Henry Cavill, Ben Affleck, Gal Gadot, Jesse Eisenberg, Amy Adams, Jeremy Irons, Ray Fisher, Laurence Fishburne, Jason Momoa, Diane Lane, Holly Hunter, Callan Mulvey, Ezra Miller, Scoot McNairy, Lauren Cohan, Jena Malone, Michale Shannon, Tao Okamoto
Genre: Superhero, Action, Fantasy
Rated: PG-13

There’s almost always that one film that everyone knows is going to make the list. For March, this is that movie. It’s Batman vs. Superman. How could I not want to see it?

Movies to Look out For
According to: Cat

My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 .20
Pee-wee’s Big Holiday .19
Burning Bodhi .18
Rise of the Legend .17
The Other Side of the Door .16
Hello My Name is Doris .15
Barney Thomson .14
Too Late .13
Emelie .12
Jane Wants a Boyfriend .11
Eye in the Sky .10
I Saw the Light .9
Zootopia .8
London Has Fallen .7
Ava’s Possessions .6
Ratter .5
10 Cloverfield Lane .4
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot .3
The Divergent Series: Allegiant .2
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice .1