Machete Kills (2013)

Number Rolled: 56

Movie Name/Year: Machete Kills (2013)

Genre: Action & Adventure

Length: 107 minutes

Rating: R

Affiliated Companies: AR Films, Aldamisa Entertainment, 1821 Pictures, Quick Draw Productions, Demarest Films, Overnight Films

Executive Producer: Alfonso Barragan Jr., Terry Douglas, Sam Englebardt, Jere Hausfater, William D. Johnson, Paris Kasidokostas Latsis, Mark C. Manuel, Boris Teterev

Director: Robert Rodriguez

Writer: Kyle Ward, Robert Rodriguez, Marcel Rodriguez

Actors: Danny Trejo, Mel Gibson, Demian Bichir, Amber Heard, Michelle Rodriguez, Sofia Vergara, Charlie Sheen (as Carlos Estevez), Lady Gaga, Antonio Banderas, Walton Goggins, Cuba Gooding Jr., Vanessa Hudgens, Alexa PenaVega, Marko Zaror, Tom Savini, William Sadler, Julio Oscar Mechoso, Billy Blair, Samuel Davis, Felix Sabates, Jessica Alba, Bruce Campbell, Cheech Marin

Machete is an ex-Federale. After his adventures in the first movie, he’s been working alongside Sartana to bring justice where it needs bringing. His life is unpredictable, at best, and he’s soon called up by the president for a sensitive mission.

I understand why critics hated Machete Kills. I don’t agree with any of them, but I understand.

This movie was B at best, despite the overabundance of recognizable names, in both the credited and uncredited portions of the credits. There’s a huge amount of gore, improbabilities and fandom references. Some critics have gone so far as to say that the movie plays like an inside joke that no one gets.

Apparently none of those critics have seen obscure movies like Star Wars or From Dusk Till Dawn.

I have a list of movies that I haven’t seen but really should, because of the fact that I write a movie blog. I’m slowly working my way through them whenever I have a couple of hours to spare. If there are critics out there that feel like people can’t get Star Wars references, maybe they should be making lists of their own.

Machete Kills had me rolling in laughter, or staring at the screen in awe, during almost every portion of the film. There was no expecting half of what happened in the movie and the rest of it was hilarious.

The fact that I managed to get sucked into the story says a lot. My internet went out three times while I was watching the movie and it took me three and a half hours to watch it. You know what? I don’t regret it at all and the pauses due to technical issues didn’t make the movie any harder for me to watch.

Keep in mind that I’m the kind of person who will forget what show she’s watching during the commercials, sometimes. Getting so sucked into a movie that various unexpected pauses do nothing to diminish the quality, is not something I experience often.

There were a couple of continuity errors that I couldn’t really explain away. It kept the movie from getting a perfect score from me. None-the-less, rumor has it that there’s going to be a third film.

I can’t wait.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score – 29%

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score – 36%

Netflix’s Prediction for Me – 3/5

Trust-the-Dice Score – 4/5

P.S. I’m sorry to say I missed it, but there’s a cameo from Bruce Campbell somewhere in the film. I assume my technical difficulties occurred at just the right times to hide it from me. If anyone knows at what time in film this cameo takes place, let me know. Groovy.

Movie Trailer: